posted 12-01-2001 05:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Centaurion:
Let me see if I get this right...so if she says that another guy looks good, then she regards you as a friend...correct?

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posted 12-03-2001 06:03 AM            

Let's see the difference in their opinions

Pook,

Based on your womanese translator thing, I agree with you 100%. But I can still remember what Anti-Dump had mentioned before. If a girl likes you, she will not probably say she has a bf because she doesn't want to hurt you. And if she does mentioned about others guys,her bfs and etc, this is an OBVIOUS sign that she has low-interest in you. Isn't that what Anti-Dump is doing to weed out the professional daters?

posted 12-03-2001 08:20 AM            

I KNOW women will do this because I have done it myself many times. If a girl mentions a boyfriend...don't even bother thinking about what it means. Avoid these girls...if you steal them, they will let someone else steal them from you too. That's a pattern with girls who do that. Save yourself the time and trouble.

If she tells you that she likes a guy or seems all "smitten" when she mentions him, she's not really into you. Don't waste your time on her.

If she goes out of her way to tell you that other men are attracted to her or want her, she wants YOU to want her. However, somewhere in the back of her head, she is afraid of looking too forward, easy or is just afraid of being rejected if she says what she really wants. If she is showing other signs of interest and does this too, she is REALLY into you and wants you to notice and like her back. Now, there is a guy who I was absolutely crazy about. My interest level was VERY high. I told him when any other guy would hit on me, ask me out or show interest in me. I never liked, wanted or got involved with any of those other guys. This guy was interested in me too and would discourage me from liking any of those other guys. It showed me he was interested too. I use this as a way to test the guys interest in me as well as encourage him to act. So, I know that I often have done this and why I did it. If that isn't reason enough for anyone to see this tip as valid, I don't really know what else to say.

posted 12-27-2001 09:23 AM            

Look at it this way:

Some girls will tell you OR show you they can be with other man too, just to give you a hint.

Quote: "You know, when I said my group of friends left the party, there were enough people I could go to ... but I'd rather wanted to talk to you." - a girl.

The girl told me this a few days after the party.

So, if you interpret this in the right way, she let me know, I had a chance with her.

posted 12-28-2001 04:46 PM            

She also said she liked the feeling of what her ex's did. (All the details of her foreplay and how she felt)

She doesn't have a bf.

I bet that means she wants a piece of me?

I'm not pretty sure now.. as she talked about sex.. but included emotions.

Any ideas? I'll just assume she wants me for now.

------------------
i'd rather die than give you control

posted 12-28-2001 05:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Wyldfire:
This is very important information. After talking with a man in chat yesterday I wanted to make this post. There is a woman who he told me about who I believe so obviously is interested in him. He doesn't think she is because she has told him about other men who are after her.

Think about it guys...don't DJs try to use other women wanting them as a way to look MORE desirable to other women...specifically one they want? Women are no different in this respect. We just tell a man we are interested in that he has competition this way.

Women will use this tactic on you if she likes you and wants you to make a move on her. If she senses you are interested in her and you aren't acting on that fast enough she will tell you about other guys she COULD be dating. She wants you to think that you need to beat the other guys out by asking her out first. This is about Challenge and Social Proof more than anything else.

So...if a woman is showing you other signs of interest and drops in comments about other guys who want her...act soon. This is one of the last hidden signals a woman will give you before beginning to lose interest. She's trying to tell you "Quit stalling already! I want you to ask me out and am tired of waiting!" If you don't act soon her interest level is probably going to start dropping at this point.

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Assuming you are right,
why doesn't the Lady ask the guy out?
Why does it always have to be on the guy to ask the woman out? In this society of supposedly "Equal Rights", shouldn't the women share "Equally" in the responsibility and risk of rejection in doing the asking?
If not, then perhaps "Equal Rights" is a phoney concept.

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Don't ask yourself "Is she interested?" Ask HER
"Hey! Let's go out!"

posted 12-29-2001 10:17 PM            

A question here for Pook and WyldFire

Let's see the difference in their opinions

Pook,

Based on your womanese translator thing, I agree with you 100%. But I can still remember what Anti-Dump had mentioned before. If a girl likes you, she will not probably say she has a bf because she doesn't want to hurt you. And if she does mentioned about others guys,her bfs and etc, this is an OBVIOUS sign that she has low-interest in you. Isn't that what Anti-Dump is doing to weed out the professional daters?

And WyldFire,
Based on what evidence you can say that a girl will talk about others guys
because she wants you to move faster.I have seen girls talking about others guys as a way to scare them off. Basically, Anti-Dump had said before, you cannot come off as too slow,only too fast! Taking it slow will show that you're not clingy\needy and you will be seen as a DJ. Fools rush in. Pros take it slow.
Now explain!

posted 12-30-2001 04:19 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by AbsoluteFreakinChump:
Assuming you are right,
why doesn't the Lady ask the guy out?
Why does it always have to be on the guy to ask the woman out? In this society of supposedly "Equal Rights", shouldn't the women share "Equally" in the responsibility and risk of rejection in doing the asking?
If not, then perhaps "Equal Rights" is a phoney concept.

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posted 01-11-2002 01:36 AM            

If a girl goes on talking about other guys hitting on her or liking her etc etc...

posted 01-11-2002 01:52 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Persistant:
Ok I got a question for Wlydfire (the board mom )

If a girl goes on talking about other guys hitting on her or liking her etc etc...

Is it ok, and should you go ahead and ask her if she likes these other guys and is thinking about going out with them? If you do, how do you go about interpreting the responses?

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posted 01-11-2002 12:11 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dudeamon:
hello wldfire,
was seeing a girl who had very high intereset level in me, she was also backpacking down here in Australia(shes from america). She moved interestate with her friends and so we kept in contact thru our mobile phones. Its been about 3 months now and i was just planniing to go and c her. She seemed to show plenty interest level in me during this 3 months eg i miss u, never liked anyone as much as u etc etc, however two weeks ago she says "I'm going to pub now, my friends cousin appeared at work today from adelaide dont really know him but he seems nice, u know i miss u"
now would this mean, she's hinting that she has a low interest level, or is she trying to send a message; or test me; to see how i would react so she can know how much interest/carefactor i have in her.
just dont understand comments like this. help needed

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posted 01-11-2002 12:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Persistant:
Wow that was a fast response! Helpful too! Thanks a ton!

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posted 01-12-2002 04:42 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Wyldfire:
I'd say she is interested in you. If you are interested you should try to shift things a little more towards romance. Yes, you should go see her if it's been on your mind. Just based on what you've said (and that's all my answer is based on) it sounds like you are her first choice. If you don't act she will gradually become more open to putting someone else first over time, and then she eventually will.

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so is it possible to become too much of a challenge ie so much so that she is forced to lose interst? i mean i kept posponing the trip to come and see her becuase i had some financial difficulty, and i never sent any flowers or gifts etc, but she did!...

posted 01-12-2002 05:16 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dudeamon:

so is it possible to become too much of a challenge ie so much so that she is forced to lose interst? i mean i kept posponing the trip to come and see her becuase i had some financial difficulty, and i never sent any flowers or gifts etc, but she did!...

So if you really like someone and u want to lay all the right moves to maintain her interest in you, would a %80 challenge %20 romance be a right mix?

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It is my opinion (and my personal experience) that if a guy doesn't show enough interest and stalls too long a woman's interest will definitely fade.

I have an ongoing situation that fits this to a T. There is someone I have had feelings for over the last 18 months or so, to varying degrees. Initially there was a lot of contact and he showed a lot of interest. All of a sudden he broke contact with me for a few weeks. Over that time I got involved with someone else. Around the time that I decided to end that relationship, this other guy started to show a lot more interest again. It was consistent for about 9 or 10 months and then it lessened substantially. My interest level in him also dropped about 75% from where it was in less than a month. About a week ago his interest level shot up again and my interest level in him is going back up again.

posted 01-13-2002 05:57 PM            

This girl I was seeing pulled this one on me. Normally I would have panicked and be worried if I really have a chance with this girl.

To make a long story short, I gathered from her cousin that she was just doing that because she wanted me to put more pressure on the gas pedal.

posted 01-14-2002 10:11 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wyldfire:
It is my opinion (and my personal experience) that if a guy doesn't show enough interest and stalls too long a woman's interest will definitely fade.

I have an ongoing situation that fits this to a T. There is someone I have had feelings for over the last 18 months or so, to varying degrees. Initially there was a lot of contact and he showed a lot of interest. All of a sudden he broke contact with me for a few weeks. Over that time I got involved with someone else. Around the time that I decided to end that relationship, this other guy started to show a lot more interest again. It was consistent for about 9 or 10 months and then it lessened substantially. My interest level in him also dropped about 75% from where it was in less than a month. About a week ago his interest level shot up again and my interest level in him is going back up again.

So yes...if you are too distant her interest will most likely fade. At the same time, if you overdo it with most women, that will work against you too. You have to find a happy medium and figure out just the right amount of effort you need to make to keep her interest level up and give only that much. This varies from woman to woman. With me, I don't like or play games. If a guy pulls away from me I don't chase...I pull back too. Only some women do this, not all. You have to go with a bit of trial and error with this issue.

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well, with this girl whose interstate(from america) come new yrs eve her interest level seemed very high and she was sayn how much we should be together etc. From new yrs eve to about the 9th of jan i had lost my phone and had no way of contacting her. On the 6th she had messaged me sayn

"hey just prefer to leave things abd be you friend and say good by over the phone"

Now, she new i was planning to come over on the 14th to see her, yet she came up with this message(above). My reply was:

"well that really sux baby cos was planning to see you next week, can only blame our situation tho, have fun and enjoy rest of your stay."

its been about 4months since i last seen her(and so been phone txting each other during this time) and only have another 1month and half bfore she goes back to america.(shes in sydney and i'm in melb in australia)

i did not message her again.
But on the 14th she messages me:

"bby i really miss u thought it would be easier to cut things off with u. But i was so wrong my feelings havent changed at all."

now if you really want to be with someone then y would you break it off? maybe she was scared if she seen me again she might have stronger feelings for me, and then that would be hard to deal with knowing she had to go back overseas for good. dunno?

OR maybe she met a guy up in sydney becuase her interest level in me was way down since we havent seen each other for 4 months. However after sometime with this guy her interest level in him might have fell and so she was thinking about me again.

argh really dunno. I'm gonna tell her that if she has feelings for me and wants to see me she can come down and see me becuase i had already made plans to see her and i had to cancel them, and i do want to see her again but dont want to be her puppy dog she can control do things for her whenever she feels like it.

posted 01-15-2002 02:00 AM            

Humans tend to be a bit on the insecure side. People don't like to be vulnerable and put themselves on the line. We aren't born that way. We learn it as we go through life and experience betrayal.

>>I think you are interesting. Lets get together.No commitment.Get to know each other.If we jive we jive,If not we move on.I wont play games or b.s you.Lets have fun.I am no male slut.Just a man very comfortable with himself and others.
Now why would this approach scare a woman?<<

That sounds like you are asking the woman for a purely sexual relationship with no substance. The "no commitment", "Let's have fun" and "I am no male slut" translates in "Man Speak" as "You know, I am not going to settle down with you, but I think you might just be stupid enough to let me use you. Let's fvck."

>>Oh yeah as for KINO whats your opinion to as why this works or doesnt.Or is it just the technique.<<

To be prfectly honest, I don't think KINO in and of itself works JUST because of the touching. I think it simply shows the woman that you are interested in her. Think about it...if a woman you find at least moderately attractive lets you know she is interested in you, more often than not, her interest will spark YOUR interest. Women are no different in this way. I think it is just one way you can show someone you like them.

>>I can understand women being scared off if they think they are not interested or emotional afraid of a guy being needy.What the hells wrong with just enjoying touching and closeness if you are not being all needy.<<

It depends on the woman. Some people (men and women alike) just don't like their personal space violated and they are uncomfortable with that. Other women believe that if a guy tries to touch her at all that he is trying to get her to have sex with him. If she thinks this way and doesn't like the guy, she is going to push him away and be very uncomfortable.

>>I had female friends cuddle me and not be all paranoid.Then again they were European!
Lets hear your opinions!<<

European and American women are entirely different. Cultural differences DO come into play. That is undoubtedly why there was a difference.

posted 01-15-2002 02:22 AM            

>>now if you really want to be with someone then y would you break it off? maybe she was scared if she seen me again she might have stronger feelings for me, and then that would be hard to deal with knowing she had to go back overseas for good. dunno?<<

It could be. I can relate to the fear very personally. The guy I referred to earlier is someone I met online. We have been talking for almost 2 years. About 6 months ago he seriously brought up the idea of us meeting in person. This scared the bejesus out of me. Don't get me wrong, I really want to see this guy, probably more than I've ever wanted anything else before. I know that I love him very much, but I'm not sure exactly what kind of love it is since we've never met face to face. There is definitely a romantic facet of our friendship and we have seen photos of each other. Even so, until you are face to face, you just don't know about chemistry for sure. So, we are on opposite sides of the country. I can't move away from where I am because doing so would mean leaving my sick mother (she's been fighting cancer for the last 8 years) and moving my youngest child away from her father. I not only can't, but won't do that. He goes to school, works, his family is there and I hear in his voice how much he loves where he is everytime he talks about it. A part of me realizes that if I choose not to see him personally, I won't know what I'm missing. If I don't know what I'm missing, I won't miss it. The connection I have with this person is even on a deeper level than that of the one I shared with my fiance who was killed. If you've read anything about that relationship that I have shared, you would realize that this is a VERY big deal. I basically have put off meeting him in person because I know that even if we have the same kind of physical connection as we do on an emotional and mental level, that we STILL can't really do much about it. Seeing him and then having to walk away if it is as good as I believe it will be would tear me up inside, so I am not sure I am going to see him, even though I want to. Now, if he were to live in this area, I'd be with him in a heartbeat if the chemistry were there. I'm still torn over what to do. This girl could be going through the very same kind of thing. The closer you get to someone the more it hurts when you can't be with them.

>>OR maybe she met a guy up in sydney becuase her interest level in me was way down since we havent seen each other for 4 months. However after sometime with this guy her interest level in him might have fell and so she was thinking about me again.<<

This could be the case too, or possibly even a combination of the two.

>>argh really dunno. I'm gonna tell her that if she has feelings for me and wants to see me she can come down and see me becuase i had already made plans to see her and i had to cancel them, and i do want to see her again but dont want to be her puppy dog she can control do things for her whenever she feels like it.<<

I would leave the choice to her providing she has the ability to come to see you. I wouldn't say that to her unless you are sure she can both afford the trip AND can get away.

>>what you think wyldfire?
if she does want to see me again and expects me to re-scheudle plans for sydney should i jump from the word "go"?
I dont want to seem like i can be easily controlled like this cos that might cause her to disrespect me again, and partly the reason y she wouldve contacted me again is becuase i set up a challenge and acted carefree and didnt call her etc didnt beg her to get back with me etc.<<

posted 01-16-2002 02:06 AM            

- her interest level in you is at about 60%,

- she could be passive aggressive towards you,

or she could have no more interest in you,

I would try to up her interest level and see if the behaviour persists.

When someone was angry at me she kept sleeping with a staffed toy which was given to her by her x-boyfriend. I interpreted the behaviour as passive aggressive, and not a sign of a totally low interest level, because of the context.

All the variables must be considered to interpret her behaviour.

But for an ultimate attitude, according to Doc Love's system, we must always look to the bottom line factor.

That means if a woman after the first date still talks about other men, she must be deficient in either interest level or attitude, or your own attitude and actions towards her are lacking in something. Recognizing this, I'd first try to be more of a gentleman, according to the System, if there is no change, then I conclude something is wrong with the woman, and it is up to me weather I want to risk a continued relation with such a woman. That depends on my agenda with her, and my subjective interest level.

For example, if she lacks in Integrity but her psichological type is my dual, I might decide to distance her from me, but I would not burn that bridge alltogeather.

posted 01-19-2002 03:55 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wyldfire:

>>now if you really want to be with someone then y would you break it off? maybe she was scared if she seen me again she might have stronger feelings for me, and then that would be hard to deal with knowing she had to go back overseas for good. dunno?<<

It could be. I can relate to the fear very personally. The guy I referred to earlier is someone I met online. We have been talking for almost 2 years. About 6 months ago he seriously brought up the idea of us meeting in person. This scared the bejesus out of me. Don't get me wrong, I really want to see this guy, probably more than I've ever wanted anything else before. I know that I love him very much, but I'm not sure exactly what kind of love it is since we've never met face to face. There is definitely a romantic facet of our friendship and we have seen photos of each other. Even so, until you are face to face, you just don't know about chemistry for sure. So, we are on opposite sides of the country. I can't move away from where I am because doing so would mean leaving my sick mother (she's been fighting cancer for the last 8 years) and moving my youngest child away from her father. I not only can't, but won't do that. He goes to school, works, his family is there and I hear in his voice how much he loves where he is everytime he talks about it. A part of me realizes that if I choose not to see him personally, I won't know what I'm missing. If I don't know what I'm missing, I won't miss it. The connection I have with this person is even on a deeper level than that of the one I shared with my fiance who was killed. If you've read anything about that relationship that I have shared, you would realize that this is a VERY big deal. I basically have put off meeting him in person because I know that even if we have the same kind of physical connection as we do on an emotional and mental level, that we STILL can't really do much about it. Seeing him and then having to walk away if it is as good as I believe it will be would tear me up inside, so I am not sure I am going to see him, even though I want to. Now, if he were to live in this area, I'd be with him in a heartbeat if the chemistry were there. I'm still torn over what to do. This girl could be going through the very same kind of thing. The closer you get to someone the more it hurts when you can't be with them.

>>OR maybe she met a guy up in sydney becuase her interest level in me was way down since we havent seen each other for 4 months. However after sometime with this guy her interest level in him might have fell and so she was thinking about me again.<<

This could be the case too, or possibly even a combination of the two.

>>argh really dunno. I'm gonna tell her that if she has feelings for me and wants to see me she can come down and see me becuase i had already made plans to see her and i had to cancel them, and i do want to see her again but dont want to be her puppy dog she can control do things for her whenever she feels like it.<<

I would leave the choice to her providing she has the ability to come to see you. I wouldn't say that to her unless you are sure she can both afford the trip AND can get away.

>>what you think wyldfire?
if she does want to see me again and expects me to re-scheudle plans for sydney should i jump from the word "go"?
I dont want to seem like i can be easily controlled like this cos that might cause her to disrespect me again, and partly the reason y she wouldve contacted me again is becuase i set up a challenge and acted carefree and didnt call her etc didnt beg her to get back with me etc.<<

I see no problem with telling her that if she wants to see you she will have to come to you. Just consider the issues I just mentioned. Obviously, you don't want to refuse to go see her if you really want to go. And if she can't afford it, she's not going to come regardless of how much she might want to. Use your judgement on this one. But certainly DON'T let her get away with disrespecting you. Just be fair and true to what you believe is the right thing FOR YOU.

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in regards to the girl interstate again, she now says:

"i still miss u and i dont want you out of my life-baby fair enough if u dont feel the same way but please settle for friends atleast."

ok i didnt respond(for 5 days) to her last mess bfore the one stated above which says:

"bby i realy miss u tght it wd b easier 2cut tngs off wth u-but i was so wrong my feelings havnt chngd@al"

am just looking for a hint that she want to see me again and dont want to sound to desperate to see her. And now shes assuming i dont have much interest in her(maybe becuase i didnt call her for 5days) but she seems to be keen on this friends crap.

am assuming again that shes found someone or still with him but she also just truly wants to be my friend and is trying suckup i miss u thing to get my attention.