posted 03-04-2002 03:31 AM
You hear that word, and you instantly realise what it means. It's the central idea behind what this whole Don Juan thing is all about. It is the first thing you should learn, and is recited on this site as the single most important weapon at your disposal... and it is recited more than the catchiest of catch-phrases.
Sure, it makes sense. If you aren't confident in your own abilities and lack the self-esteem needed to pursue your goals then you're going to be completely screwed (but not literally!) when it comes to the "art" of dating and mating. You hear on this site that you should have the confidence in yourself, and then you will find that all the other pieces will fall in place - right?
That probably comes as a shock to you, as you read this. "Confidence ISN'T the answer??? This guy is f*cking mad!!!" I hear you say - but it is the truth. Now don't get me wrong here, Confidence is something EVERY potential Don Juan NEEDS to have if he is to be successful, but the truth is that confidence is simply a stepping stone towards the ultimate quality a DJ can have - something that is nothing less than the single most useful tool at your disposal.
What I am talkin about is the thing that makes many so-called "Jerks" likable by attractive women, and leaves the poor Nice-Guys lost and alone. Haven't you ever met a guy who acted like a Jerk to women, but was simply impossible to hate? He was a smooth talker, he wasn't rude and crude, he attracted flocks of people to him at every word he said, and he could manipulate others to the point where they wanted to do him favours.
Have you guessed what I'm talking about yet?
C H A R I S M A
Yeah, this simple 8-letter word is the answer. This is a quality that requires a huge level of confidence in yourself to properly use and control, and that is the reason why Don Juans need confidence. Confidence alone WILL NOT instantly make you the ultimate seducer. You can be the world's most confident man, but believing in yourself won't get you very far these days with women.
You have to SHOW THEM that you are confident. You have to prove that you are the ultimate catch, the "great guy" you think you are. You do this using CHARISMA.
Charisma is defined as "The power to attract and influence people," and that is EXACTLY what you need to do here. Have you ever heard someone give an absolutely brilliant speech, or talked to someone who had you gripped on every word they said to you? You probably left them thinking how great they were and really influenced by what they had said. That was charisma at work. A charismatic individual will always have power over other individuals, and (importantly to us) the ability to attract whoever he chooses.
So, there's a chance that you are probably wondering by now "How the heck do I become Charismatic? How can I make myself the centre of attention, in a good way?"
Well, let's go over what charisma involves:
--> You show initiative, and will jump at every opportunity that is useful for you.
--> You can make others laugh. It can be anything from a snappy wit to making others choke on their own laughter, but either way - humour is a must-have.
--> You don't get easily offended and can take a joke, but will not stand for abuse from others.
--> You don't stand back when a conversation is happening - you ARE the conversation. Now, this can contradict the 70/30 ratio (DJ rule) you should use in any conversation - so remember that if you are going to talk, it should always be pumped with charisma. How much you talk is really up to you, just be sure to let others speak.
--> Open-ended questions are a MUST. But then, we already know that - right?
--> You do NOT hesitate when you see an opportunity to be witty (or whatever). You've all heard that saying around here "Hesitation is like masturbation. In the end you're just screwing yourself." - Thanks to whoever came up with that one BTW!!!
Now, to the important thing: HOW to become charismatic.
This comes mostly with confidence. Once you have a strong belief in yourself, you will find that charisma will flow along pretty smoothly. All you will need to do to help the charisma comin' along is to gain a good understanding of humour (read jokes, watch comedies, observe other charismatic people at work) and be able to hold a decent conversation with anyone. Show some initiative in your dealings with others - don't wait for them to start talking when you could easily strike up a conversation that could get you laid by the end of the evening.
Confidence makes strong people. But combine that with charisma, and it makes strong Leaders.
When I see what I want, I'm gonna take it.
If I don't see a chance, I'll have to make it.
My need to succeed gives me the will to survive.
I'm gonna remain strong, and always feel alive!