Occasionally, I will direct a question to the female subscribers in certain issues of The Don Juan Newsletter... help us "clueless" guys out a little so to speak. Here's what they have to say...
Do You Judge a Man Based Upon How He Kisses? Lousy Kissers Make Lousy Lovers?
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For myself, I don't judge whether a man will be a good lover based on the way he kisses, although it's a factor among others. I judge a man on whether he is paying attention to me based on how he kisses. Based on that (as well as many other things), I judge whether he is actually a good man to be with, both physically and emotionally.
Basically, I'm a woman who likes to control the kiss, AT FIRST. I don't think a man knows how a woman likes to be kissed until he actually kisses her. So, for me, a man must allow me to show him how I like to be kissed by letting me kiss him. That way, he knows how my mouth moves, when it opens to allow a deeper kiss, and how my body acts during the kiss.
A man who goes full-throttle, open-mouthed & tongue flailing at the very start, is of no use to me and is summarily rejected if he wants to go further. However, a man who takes his time, is patient, and willing to allow me to get accustomed to him, his body, on my own terms, is a man for whom I could definitely find myself making breakfast.
Basically, a man who kisses as if he knows what *every* woman wants, or should want, is to be avoided. A man who kisses as if he is exploring a woman, taking the time to find out what she likes because she is different and an individual, is to be sought after.
I can honestly say I don't and have never judged a man on the way his kisses to the extent that I would end or proceed in a relationship with him based on his ability. Good kissing is relative to how much you desire him, and how passionate he feels towards you.
I've had some really great kissers that could knock my socks off, and other items of clothing given time... and what makes them great is their ability to be sensuous and slow with movement... what leads up to the kiss is what makes it worthwhile.
I've also had bad kissers... mainly because they are sloppy, wet gooey ones. A woman should never have to wipe her mouth after being kissed. It's a kiss not a drool fest. There are also those men that act as if a woman has cooties by being very stingy with the tongue or very rigid with their lips. The key is to be soft and gentle. And if you don't have a clue... follow the woman's lead. Try kissing her as she does you. Generally women will use techniques that would feel good to them on you, and hope for the same.
Women will give subtle hints to what feels good, and if your kiss is bad it can be changed. Just pay attention or ask "How do you like it?" What works for some doesn't always work for others. The key is to make her feel wanted and desired. That is what makes a good lover. Bad lovers don't pay attention. They are centered on their needs and don't give enough thought to what turns a woman on.
It's no mistake that a man who kisses well will likely do other things well. Kissing is a way of getting acquainted, and you want to find out who you're dealing with, and what she likes (which will depend on what she's used to). A good kiss is one that explores and invites, that seems like a conversation. It should be tentative at first, and soft. He should pay attention to her responses and conduct himself accordingly.
A friend of mine always said you could tell what kind of lover a man would be by the way he dances. Rhythm can be very important. Good kissing can be learned, so can good lovemaking. (Read a women's book, guys.) The key is to not get caught up on performance.
How a man kisses determines a lot of things for me. If a man is a bad kisser, well, that's probably the last time we will see each other. I sometimes give them a second chance, because first kisses can be very nerve racking, therefore may have just been a nervous kiss. So, yes, in a way, I guess women do relate kissing with how a man does other things. I just really hadn't thought about it until now.
For me a good kiss doesn't involve a lot of tongue. Don't get me wrong. A little tongue is not bad. I just hate when a man uses his tongue more than he kisses with his lips, that is why it's called kissing, not tonguing! Just inserting the tongue somewhat and resume back to the lips. I think this is basically what you will hear from the majority of women. I hope this helps some of you men out!
I haven't even thought of judging somebody's relationship-potential based on the way they kiss. Might be fun to try out, though :-)
I usually try to get an overall impression. Especially important to me is what they talk about. (Various subjects or always the same two or three - I don't like boring guys.) Actually, considering my last relationship, that's a rather unreliable way of judging it. He was a fantastic kisser, but he was rather uptight in some areas and had problems communicating or suggesting compromises (probably wouldn't recognize one if it bit him). He considered it a given that we spend every free minute together, or at least call each other every day.
That kind of thing makes me feel caged, since I need time for myself too. Besides, I don't like feeling as if I have to justify or account for every minute I'm not with him. It's still my life, not his. And we hadn't been together long enough to even justify his getting that possessive.
Guys, if you want one major advice - lay off! Don't smother us. We need our space too. If we love you, we're not that easy to get distracted (it might occasionally happen, but very very rarely intentionally). And if we don't love you or not yet, getting on our case is not going to help.
Hmm. I am very forgiving when it comes to "judging" guys. Often TOO forgiving, in fact. The only thing that has ever truly bothered me is when I've had someone just open his mouth as wide as it would go and then plant it over my lips like some strange bottom-feeding fish. I got really wet. No, no, that's not what I mean. I mean, my face was dripping by the time he stopped kissing me. I still liked him, and we went out for a long while, but... but I wish I'd had the nerve to take the initiative to 'teach' him not to kiss that way.
On a more positive note:
Nothing, absolutely nothing, can make me feel quite as warm and quivery as an unexpected and undeserved, feather-light kiss on the hand. I'm not sure why, or if I'm the only female who reacts this way, but I know for sure that it works on me in a very warm and instantaneous sort of way. A guy friend did it to me once in a teasing sort of way and my knees just folded up underneath me.