Occasionally, I will direct a question to the female subscribers in certain issues of The Don Juan Newsletter... help us "clueless" guys out a little so to speak. Here's what they have to say....
How Do You Let a Man Know that You're Interested in Him Romantically, and Not Just as a Friend?
When I'm romantically attracted to a man, I go out of my way to stand near him, talk to him, get his attention, have contact with him. At the same time, this makes me very nervous---what if he's actually not attracted to me? I don't want to look like an idiot! The result is usually mixed---I will be in his physical vicinity, but will be acting shyly, afraid to make eye contact. Either that, or I might be a little obnoxious and off-the-wall, trying to get his attention. I went through a period where I made the first move if I was attracted to a man, but found that most men, even if they say they would like a woman to ask them out, are really put off by that.
If a man is attracted to me, but I don't share his attraction, I'm generally straightforward if he asks me out. But if he doesn't actually make a move, then what can a girl do? I try to avoid being alone with the man.
I met my fianc� through the personals---we both went this route because there's no guesswork involved---two people meet already knowing that they're each looking for someone, and that takes a lot of pressure off. If it doesn't work out, you move on, no hard feelings.
Direct eye contact is the key. If I am really interested in a guy, I cannot tear myself away from his eyes, his face, or his smile. If the guy is just a friend, the eye contact is less intense and less frequent.
This isn't quite the answer you asked for, but has to do with the rarely being direct. Most guys really seem to freak when a woman is direct and up front about liking them, whether as a friend or more.
Also, if I start talking to a guy and laugh with him, do stuff together occasionally, they rarely think *neat, here's a new friend!* Most of them go into hormone overdrive and think just because we get along, I feel an urgent need to go to bed with them... That is why I rarely approach a guy directly anymore.
A Guy I like would definitely get more eyes and more touchy feely than a guy that I like just as a friend. A guy friend I would simply act like he's one of my girlfriends. If a guy pays attention to a girl he should be able to pick up the signals.
I think he should be smart enough to know (if he's the one he'll even know it before I do), if he doesn't then I'd rather fall for someone who is more intelligent and confident to find out!
So how to find out if I am attracted to a guy not just as a friend?
1. I look at him often and long, but look back if he noticed that. Then I look again.
2. I speak softer, and think what I am talking about, it means, I hesitate a little before to answer.
3. If he touched me occasionally, I blush.
4. If he calls, and I had to jump from shower to answer, I am not angry, and keep talking.
5. I try to slip away as soon as possible if we two meet my attractive single girlfriend.
How to detect that I am nice to a guy just as to a friend:
1. If he asks me if am thinking about having a family and kids, and I answer: "No, not in the nearest 10 years, at least!"
2. If he wants to do something in a slightly different way than I do, I am irritated.
3. If I try to introduce him to my single girlfriends.
4. If I discuss with him unperfectness of divorce law.
5. If he occasionally touches me, I laugh.
I don't tend to give signals except when I think he is attracted. Then I try to cross paths where possible and just smile sweetly. Guess that's why I struggle to find a man
Most of the time when I'm attracted to a man I make sure that he is aware of it. Whatever it takes, however in most cases, most men need a building to fall on them. Once they do find out that you are attracted to them in more than just friendships, that's when they give you the cold shoulder or start playing those little "games" that men play so well.
I've always considered myself a woman of the 21st Century. When I see something that I like, I go for it. I may not always get the response I am looking for but I never pass up the opportunity.
It's pretty basic with me. I give direct eye contact, I play with my curls and I will gently touch his hands, arms, and shoulders within our conversation. Sort of like, "Love Taps".
Happy searching and by the way, when it's right you won't have to ask any questions.
