I'm Dating 5 Girls at the Moment
I've never been great with meeting girls in bars or out in public, because I suffer from the same syndrome that many guys do: I have a tough time making good conversation with strangers and I am often intimidated by pretty women. I either get tongue-tied or I make up silly reasons why a girl won't like me.
So, in order to get out there and get some dates, I turned to the online personals. Personally, I've had the best results from eHarmony, but this is in no way an endorsement of that service - it just suited me the best.
I've been on 20 or 30 dates over the past few months, and some weeks I've even had dates 5 out of 7 nights of the week - and 2 in one day! It's given me a chance to get more socialized to women and helped me realize that women are not some exotic creatures to be dealt with cautiously. They're just like guys and have the same hopes, fears and hang-ups that guys do.
Some dates have been good and some have been bad. Some dates were a one-time thing and some girls I took out a number of times. Some girls were very attracted to me, and even asked me in after walking them home. Others acted interested at first, but when I called for a second date they were always "busy" or I would simply get their answering machine.
Right now, I'm dating five different attractive girls who all dig me and it's actually been tough juggling them all. But it didn't come without effort and a number of failures along the way. I have used the information on this site to sharpen my skills and to get really good at not screwing things up on that first date.
Specifically, I have used Doc Love's "Scarcity Principle" as the cornerstone of my technique. This principle is absolutely crucial to success with women. Of course, a number of other things will help your efforts, such as a looking as good as you possibly can, being clean and well-groomed, being well dressed, being a gentleman, etc.
But the Holy Grail of having success and getting that second date is acting like you have a number of things going on in your life, that you are not desperate, that you are a happening guy and that this girl would be lucky to have you as a boyfriend. Girls love challenges, so it is imperative that you appear interested, but only mildly interested.
If you appear to be always available and go gaga over her, I can guarantee you that she will lose interest - you will not be a challenge and she will kick you to the curb. Girls instinctively want what they can't have.
I have verified this hypothesis with some attractive women I work with. The point they all consistently make is this: a guy appears more attractive to a girl if the guy either has a girlfriend or is being sought after by other women. If they think you don't have a girlfriend, their interest level drops. This statement is a lead-pipe lock, so you must act like James Bond, even if you're not.
The way you do this is by following these principles:
- Be a consummate, confident gentleman. Forget the bad-boy stuff.
- Dress as good as or better than her, suitable for the date, of course. I'm 38, so I prefer jackets with a nice, open-collar shirt.
- Have a sense of style. Women want men, not boys.
- Appear interested in her, but only mildly interested. Act like she's one of several and you're still making up your mind.
- Never appear desperate.
- Keep the focus on her and be a good listener. Pretend you're Larry King and asked open-ended questions. Girls will talk forever about themselves and it actually makes the date quite easy on you. Just nod a lot and say "really?"
- Maintain good eye contact.
- Be a gentleman and pick up the tab for the date. If you split the tab with them, they will call you cheap - guaranteed. Think of it as the cost of doing business, just keep the first couple dates nice, but not too expensive.
- Give her a business card; it makes you look like someone with some stature in life.
- When suggesting a date, always have something specific in mind. Never call and say "would you like to do something sometime". This is the kiss of death. Girls like specifics. Remember the old Boy Scout motto: "Be prepared".
- Always maintain control of the date - the place, the time, and what will happen next. Have everything planned in advance.
- Have a backup plan if something goes wrong, like the restaurant you selected is packed. Scout the location out beforehand and know where to find parking. She will appreciate the fact that you were prepared.
- When on a date that is going well and is coming to a close, assure her you've had a good time, that you would like to see her again, then end the date early while things are going well. This will throw her off balance and get her wondering just how many other girls you may be seeing. This appeals to a woman's competitive nature and works like a charm.
- If she has to end the date, you're cooked. Many guys think if they just hang around long enough, they will get lucky. Wrong! There will be time to tee off - on the second or third date. Take your time Romeo. Think James Bond!
- Wait a few days to call her - never call the day after the date - unless you've had sex. Make her wonder what's going on in your life and what other pretty girls you might be with. Her interest level will soar.
- When you do call, try to call at a time when she's not there and leave a simple, but nice, message saying something like "Hi Karen, it's Dave. I hope you had a nice weekend. I just called to say Hi and to see how you're doing. We'll talk to you later, bye." Simple, nice, non-invasive and to the point. It's the type of message a non-desperate guy who has other girls in his life would leave.
- When you call her, be prepared to get the answering machine. Have a brief message scripted out so you don't ramble like a rookie.
- Be decisive. Women don't want to make any decisions. They will happily go along for the ride that you prepare.
- Be the man, because you are!