Choose or Lose

by SeƱor Fingers

Looking back on my experiences in this game, I realize that the most powerful shift I have made in my approach was the move from a longing for acceptance vs. the desire to find what I was looking for. I know that sounds cryptic, so allow me to elaborate.

When I first got into the science of seduction, my motives were completely different. I was a validation seeker, whose self-esteem was directly linked to how people perceived me. If I met a cute girl, my intent was to win her over with my charms.

If she liked me, I felt validated and in turn liked myself. But if she blew me off, even if I played a cool front, deep down I would bang my head against the walls and live in a state of woe and dismay at how unworthy I was, until I met someone who would mend my fragile ego with their acceptance. And so the vicious cycle would continue.

My self worth was like a leaf, blown mercilessly to and fro on the spastic whims of others. I had no center!


Wanna know the most twisted part of this whole scenario? I wasn't even sure if I liked these people!

Yet in a constant struggle to win their favor, I would crank out a plethora of field-tested routines, jokes and stories in an effort to get them to like me. I wasn't aware of it at the time, but all I did was sub-communicate my own neediness.

Did I get laid? Of course I did. But I noticed that when I was in this frame, I was attracting women with low self esteem, and hohum personalities. Yeah I was getting laid alright, but I sure as hell was not any happier or secure in myself either! Probably because I was a little low-self-esteem with emotional issues of my own, but that's whole nother story.

At the end of the day I was not getting what I wanted, because I was too busy trying to be what I thought other people expected. Now ain't that a kick in the pants?


It wasn't until I started to really progress on my professional and spiritual path, that I got tired of hot chicks with mediocre personalities and made the paradigm shift. After years of granting women my approval based on how fine they looked, I felt that I, being someone who is good-looking, talented and ambitious to boot, deserved better.

I didn't just tell myself this, it was an inner conviction that only a true queen would be worthy to share my love.

My friends laughed at me and called me a gay monk when I would turn down the easy lay. But I couldn't be pressured away from my choice, and started to search for something deeper than a big butt and a smile. The result had surprising side effects...

All of a sudden, I was the chooser and all of these hotties had to live up to my expectations. Call it qualifying, Push/Pull, or whatever you want, the point is that women can sense when you are not easily impressed, and it drives them crazy when they meet someone who doesn't worship their looks right off the bat.

Most of them invest so much time and money on clothes, make-up, nails, accessories, not to mention the countless hours of prep time before they even step out the door, that it totally deflates their game when you show more interest in who they are than how they look.

I don't know if this attitude showed in my body language or some other subconscious cues, but I wound up getting hit on aggressively, even fought over by girls I never thought would never give me the time of day.


At the same time, you can't be completely oblivious to their sex appeal. You must show them some scrap of validation, so they know you are a sexual being who fancies them.

The trick is to show tentative interest, as in you like them but aren't totally sold yet. Don't go out of your way to impress and for once give THEM the chance to sincerely win you over.

In order to pull this off successfully, you have to feel 100% comfortable with yourself and approach with the unshakeable confidence that you will always get what you want from any interaction, be it a number, sex, or a learning experience.

Things get so much easier once you learn to flip the game and get these women seeking your stamp of approval instead of the other way around. The big question, as always, is how???

There are many things you can do, but before I get into that, there is a major don't that should be brought to light.


If you ever feel insecure or unworthy around a pretty gal, then it's high time you kicked that negative crap to the curb, took a deep breath and realized that most of these chicks put so much effort in their appearances because they are only trying to mask their insecurities.

The status you place on them is also an illusion. Though they pretend to be annoyed by it, the truth is that they thrive off the daily validation offered to them by anonymous men. I was always baffled by this behavior.

They have the nerve to complain about horny guys in the street as they squeeze into skin-tight jeans and strap on their Wonder-Bras. Is it any wonder we have had so much trouble understanding them, when they rarely make any sense?


For ages men have been scratching their heads, trying to figure out what it is that these crazy women really want. Is it money? Power? Prestige?

Well for starters, let's not get delusional here. A secluded internet nerd who acts like a chooser will not go very far. You must be attractive to attract!

Sure, there are plenty of ladies who would lower their standards for a rich or powerful man with zero looks or personality. But unless you live the solid gold lifestyle and don't mind dealing with gold-diggers, it's time to focus on what women are really looking for...


Every girl, from her first romantic fantasies, dreams of a mysterious adventurer who will jump-start her mundane world and make her feel more intensely than ever before. This emotional instinct is something very alien to our logical minds.

All we want is a sweet piece of tail that will bring us a sandwich afterwards, and we are totally at a loss when we see a beautiful woman (who could have anyone she wanted) end up with a major jerk who mistreats or beats her. The truth is that, jerk or not, he is fulfilling a deep emotional need... to be punished, hurt, anything to make her FEEL because emotion is the way in which a woman establishes her reality.

Let's face it fellas, ladies love drama, and if you are not a great author of your own life, then you will fail to intrigue them! It is sad that some men choose to exploit these emotional weaknesses with pain and intimidation, because it's a huge waste of energy and everyone loses in the end.

If you really want a woman to fantasize about you for the rest of her natural life, then you must touch that emotional spot with Excitement, Inspiration and Compassion.