Success Coach - Doc Love
Does Orlando Bloom Ever See a Girl's Inner Beauty?
I'm one of your old fans and I have found your "System" to be very true. However, I have a problem that I can't find a solution to, and I hope you can help me with it.
I've been struggling with this issue for three months now and it's still not resolved. No one among my friends is wise enough to give me what I consider to be solid advice.
I met Sandrine a year ago, and during this period we got so close to each other that we started talking about marriage. My problem resides in me, and not her. I love the girl very much, and she has every good point that you'd want in a wife except for one " her looks. It's not that she's unattractive, but she's not a "10." Unfortunately, looks are very important to me. I know that if I resolve this issue I can go forward in my life with confidence in my decisions.
This is the way it works, Doc. Despite the fact that I love Sandrine, when a Beautiful Woman approaches me I feel that there's a hole inside me which needs to be filled, a hole that my partner, despite all of her good points, cannot fill. Why? Because I feel like I have a need for a Beauty.
I know it sounds crazy, but if I love Sandrine, why can't I be satisfied with her? Another thing that bothers me is that if I dump Sandrine, what are the chances that I'd find a Beautiful Woman with all of her attributes? I know I'd have to be very, very lucky.
Doc, I'm not a novice when it comes to women. Sandrine is my ninth girlfriend, and I've seen beautiful things in both her mind and heart that I never saw in any of my exes.
I am desperately in need of your coaching.
Sharp - who doesn't know if he should cut her loose
Thanks for the compliment. It's too bad that your friends can't help you, but my job is to help you see the forest through the trees, and that's what I'm going to do.
I just hope it was Sandrine and not you who brought up the subject of marriage, because it's the woman who should always bring up marriage " it proves her Interest Level beyond the shadow of a doubt. But if Sandrine's less-than-spectacular looks are a problem, then you don't love her very much, pal. So you just contradicted yourself. Do you love her or don't you? As the old cowboy saying goes, "You can't have it both ways."
So, you've got a fixation on hotties, and you don't feel like a man unless you have one hanging off your arm. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "My son, if physical beauty is so important to you, maybe you should run a modeling agency."
But looking deeper into your impasse, what's obvious is that we're really talking about two different issues here. The compulsion to possess a Beautiful Woman is one side of the coin. It says that you're a certain kind of guy, the kind who values outer beauty as more important than what's on the inside. Like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "Naomi Campbell wouldn't scare you off, even if you had to duck a cell phone or two and sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life."
But then you turn around and talk about an emptiness in yourself, and that's another subject altogether. Now I don't have a sheepskin on my wall, but I can tell you this: that part of your problem has nothing to do with romance. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, "This is a need that's not healthy."
Nevertheless, you just can't seem to feel good about yourself because Sandrine is not a clone of Angie Everhart. Which begs the following question: why did you ask her out in the first place? Why did you get involved with her at all? Why did you waste this girl's time? (See ladies, I'm not so bad!) Like my Uncle Jethro Love says, "What the heck were you thinkin', boy? When you met her you could see that she had a chin that belonged on a Clydesdale!"
So now you're going to get rid of this girl and you haven't even asked her to consider seeing a plastic surgeon. What are the chances of finding a Beauty with all of her inner attributes? Zero. You never will, Sharp. And that's what's sad about this letter. But you're into looks. And let me assure you of something, my friend " you will pay dearly for them.
But before doing something drastic, you have to ask yourself this: is Sandrine attractive? Not gorgeous, but attractive. Are you attracted to her? If you're attracted to her, then we have a GO. The point is that with Sandrine you're not going to have an A and you have to accept it. You'll have to be satisfied with a B-minus. But that's a choice you have to make for yourself.
You've only had nine girlfriends, Sharpy? Heck, that's nothing. You're still wet behind the ears. Let me ask you this: how many dates have you had? Most importantly, how many of those dates were with BEAUTIFUL WOMEN? Because you better darned well know what you're in for if you're going to deep-six Sandrine and chase after the Pamela Andersons of the world.
And if you're lucky enough to snag a "10," are you ready for your life to be ALL ABOUT HER 24/7? Because that's what's going to happen with the majority of the Beauties, whether or not you realize it. I suggest you go back to the chapter "BEAUTIFUL WOMEN" in the Dating Dictionary to refresh your memory of what you're going to be dealing with. Like my cousin General Love says, "Soldier, you got no clue what you're up against."
In the end, if you cut Sandrine loose, what you're going to have to tell yourself is that looks, which will fade, are more important than this woman's great personality, which will last forever. This is what you have to convince yourself of. And ultimately this is the price you'll have to pay. Think about it.
To you Psych majors, the girls that you thirst for on the covers of Vogue and Mademoiselle are fantasies. They're not real people when they're on the newsstand.
So, Sharp, what's your level of maturity? Are you in touch or out of touch with reality?
Remember, guys: if her looks aren't good enough for you, don't waste her time.
To hear my CALL-IN RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about "The System," visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
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