You've Got Mail

by DJ Deuce

I have found that e-mail is a surprisingly successful way to improve your image to those of the female persuasion.

But one must be very careful so as not to let a modem control the relationship; nothing can replace communication in person.

Even so, here are some e-mail tips that will make you stand out as a  "distinguished" sender:

* Always begin the e-mail with a greeting that includes her name (or nickname, depending on your relationship with her...) Women love when their name is used, whether it be written or spoken. Also, starting an e-mail without acknowledging who you are sending it to is sometimes considered rude.

* As a rule, let your e-mails be modest in length -- even if she writes a book.

* Use your punctuation wisely. A period indicates a definite idea, but dots after an idea may indicate uncertainty or wonder. That's not to say don't use trailing dots, I've many times used them to indicate an interest. Example:  "That song made me think of you..." -- it subtly indicates that your mind is lingering on her.

* Choose your words wisely. E-mail gives you the instant advantage of seriously thinking before you speak, but giving the illusion that you thought of everything just then. Compose your e-mails until it is perfect. Even use the thesaurus to find the perfect word -- we're not talking about eloquence here, it's just that some words have a better connotation than others. Love, fond of, and affection are in the same ballpark as far as definitions go, but each word in the mind carries a different level of commitment.

* Don't be redundant with your words, sayings, or what you put in the subject line... which brings us to...

* Be creative with the subject. It shows imagination and sometimes humor.

* Use forwards to your benefit. This only works if you have a good number of females in your address book. Most guys delete forwards, especially those "send this to all those you care about" kinds. But next time, why not stir up some jealousy? Send the forward to a few guys, and most -- if not all the women on your list -- even the ones you don't like.

What does this do? For one, it shows that you are a social creature. Next it let's the women on your list know that there are other women that have your attention. And by occasionally forwarding that sappy stuff, and I mean rarely, you show a softer side.

Hint: The order of names that you forward to is very important. If you are forwarding anything to a group of people that includes someone you're interested in, put her name near the top of the list, but put at least one other female name above hers. Flattery and jealousy taken care of -- simply by placement of names.

* Be creative with your e-mail as a whole. Use different fonts, styles, and/or even colors. This shows that you took some time to personalize the e-mail.

* E-mail a variety. Inspirational poetry, the goings on of the day, well wishes, funny jpegs, forwards -- again DON'T BE REDUNDANT!!!

* Choose your closing wisely. You may close with something that she thinks is so very sweet. She may even tell you. If she does, don't ever use it again -- at least not in the same month. Switch up your good byes, and for suspense, maybe even throw in a little "..."  Example:  " may see me before then..."

* Let them think you are busy, even if you're not. Something as small as typing "hold on, there's someone at the door..." -- don't let her think that you have nothing better to do.

* Use e-mail as a springboard to meet. Example:  "E-mailing feels a bit impersonal, to me, how about you? I really like to bounce ideas off someone when I'm speaking to them face to face..." If you say something to that effect, leave it at that and see what transpires. If she agrees with you, you can innocently suggest speaking in person. If she suggests it before you do, chances are that she's interested.

* Don't use too much slang. Never use profanity.

* Don't always reply right away.

* Don't always reply.

* Take into consideration that some women choose "confirmation mode" in their e-mail program, so that they know when you read their message (so don't ever lie about not receiving an e-mail).

* Be careful not to always use e-mail for things that need to be said in person.

* Never ask a woman out over a modem.

* Every now and then, quit sending e-mails all together to the women in your address book for a while. See who remains in touch, and see who misses you when you do resume writing. If you were not even missed, don't take that as a telling sign. If you were not even missed by your lover, I'd take a step back and evaluate things...

* I've done this many times: Before I set off for a trip or vacation that will take me far away for a good while, I sometimes send a brief e-mail to the women on my list -- in separate e-mails with two or three women per e-mail. Let me explain.

Perhaps Jody, Melanie, Kerry, Leah, Cassie and Kelly were the recipients. I'd type a brief: "Off for a little respite, see you before too long..." Then send the exact same words to an e-mail directed to Jody & Melanie, one to Kerry & Leah, and one to Cassie and Kelly -- three e-mails in all. Let them feel special, that they are being singled out, but that they share your attention. Jealousy and flattery -- taken care of.

Mix your own style with these guidelines, and you will have the guaranteed edge over the next guy in cyber space.