Why Your Cold Approach Game Isn't Working (3 Biggest Mistakes)
You see a stunning woman. And since you study game and recognize the benefits of approaching, you make your move. You approach.
The only problem is, even though you do approach, you aren’t generating results. Whether it’s flakey numbers or a lack of interest all together, you’re looking to take your game to another level.
Luckily, you’ve come to the right place. After 7 years of experience, consistently practicing and refining my cold approach game, I’ve come to realize the three most common mistakes that keep men from getting results. Here they are...
Mistake #1: You’re Too Soft in the First Seven Seconds
You’ve heard it since you were a kid, “You never get a second chance to make a great first impression.” This advice is so trite that it’s often overlooked. But make no mistake, a first impression matters massively in cold approach.
Usually, guys come in too soft on their approach. Whether it’s a “seeking rapport” tone of voice, limp body language, or a lack of eye contact, the first seven seconds are certainly NOT a time to come in soft.
Instead, make zero apologies for your approach, either verbally or nonverbally. Hold your own, stand your ground, and look her in the eye.
This confident start to your conversation, whether you’re approaching her in the day or at night, makes a big difference. You can still be playful and fun whilst entering with confidence. But you cannot be “soft” and expect to get regular results.
Now, don’t be fooled: entering the approach with confidence, and without apology, isn’t a guarantee for success. However, approaching women with self-assuredness and certainty gives you a much better chance of becoming a guy she’ll quickly find attractive. And that’s exactly what you want to do when you make your first impression.
Mistake #2: You’re Leaving the Interaction Too Soon
Okay, so now you’ve shored up your approach. Instead of entering the conversation with your tail between your proverbial legs, you’re starting things off right. Good — that’s a nice upgrade to your game already.
But the next mistake guys make is leaving the interaction far too quickly. Often due to nerves, or the fear they’ll mess up if they hang in there much longer, many guys settle for a phone number and leave while “they’re still ahead.”
The only problem with this method is — it’s ineffective. If you’re under the 15 minute marker, you’re not “ahead.” You’re in the first quarter.
Simply put, if you’re leaving your interactions with women before the 15 minute marker, you’re not setting a strong enough foundation for yourself. You need to hang in there for longer than 15 minutes, and ideally a half an hour or more, to reliably build sufficient comfort, rapport, and sexual attraction.
Unless your game is elite, less than 15 minutes doesn’t give the woman a big enough sample size for her to truly desire you.
And even if you do really kill it in your first 10 minutes with her, leaving at this point leaves doubt in her mind. She’ll think to herself, “He seemed cool, but I don’t really know him yet...”
With this dialogue in her mind, she’s reluctant to meet up with you when you call her or text her. So instead, hang in there.
Stay in the interaction for a minimum of 15 minutes if you like the girl. The longer, generally, the better. And remember — there’s no reason you can’t make a move for a date the very day you meet a woman from cold approach.
If you meet her in the day, after a nice chat, invite her to join you for a quick cup of coffee. Or, if you two meet in the club, after a few minutes, take her hand and lead her to a new location within the same venue. Changes in location create a “new chapter feeling” inside of her.
Instead of simply dabbling by reading chapter one, by moving locations, even if it’s a micro-move, you’re letting her read deeper into the novel that is you.
These changes in location, even if it’s a small move to the other side of the bar, considerably improve your odds of success. But again — you can’t create experiences with a woman in a variety of locations if you leave the interaction rapidly. So stick in there!
Mistake #3: You’re Placing the Woman on a Pedestal
As a professional coach for men, I’ve heard every excuse in the book. From a lack of money, to mediocre looks, to a balding hairline, to pale white skin, we all have a flaw we could focus on that’d effectively keep us from getting with the woman or women we desire.
Likewise, it’s easy to focus on her perfect hair, incredible chest, hourglass physique, and blemish free skin.
But remember, she took three hours to prep herself before stepping outside her apartment. On the contrary, when she wakes up in the morning, and washes her face, she won't look like a goddess.
So why are you placing her on a pedestal? Deep down, you know she doesn’t look that way when the makeup gets removed and the high heels come off.
Equally, consider that a woman hits her prime quickly. You could argue her best years, from an attractiveness standpoint, are between 18-21. Sure, some woman look amazing well into their 20’s and even their 30’s, but age can’t be halted. Her clock is always ticking.
On the other hand, your attractiveness as a man doesn’t come primarily from your looks. Your personality, confidence, ambition, and social skills account for a far greater percentage of your romantic attractiveness.
Therefore, unlike a woman who’s on a ticking time bomb, your attractiveness has the power to increase well into your 40’s — and beyond.
So why are you placing the woman on a pedestal? Why do you see yourself beneath her? Delete this insidious way of thinking from your mental vocabulary. Not only is it illogical, but it’s entirely ineffective.
Better yet, remove all social comparison from your brain. Instead, choose to become a naturally attractive man. From this place of masculine power, no longer do you need to fear her beauty. Simply embrace her feminine beauty whilst equally embracing your masculine value.
In Conclusion: Your Dating Life Is In Your Hands
Getting a killer dating life that matches your desires isn’t easy. But if you make it a habit to enter each interaction with confidence, hang in your good interactions for over 15 minutes, and see your own worth instead of putting attractive women on a pedestal, you can get real dating results.