The Online Dating Guide for Men
Chapter 1 - The Ad
Misconception #1: "the most important thing in getting women on the 'net is an amazingly original, incredibly well written personal ad."
Why is this a misconception?
For starters, we all know that in the real world women will usually not pick up guys, so it is fair to assume that this mentality extends to the virtual world as well. Not less important is the fact that there are many more men looking on the 'net than women.
Many women I talked to have told me that during the first weekend after they placed their ad they got about a hundred (yes, HUNDRED) replies. With that volume of emails to browse and weed through, most women don't really have the time to browse men's ads! They assume (and rightfully so) that all the men worth contacting have already sent them a reply.
Another thing worth mentioning here is something I learned from selling software: the best leads are the ones you have made the first contact with, not the ones that found you by "shopping around"! If you can create interest in a woman and have her reply to your message, there are much better chances this will develop to something. This is not some lady who browsed your ad and replied out of boredom, this is a lady that wants to get to know you.
Okay, so I'm not trying to tell you that your ad is totally unimportant, but it's definitely not the most important thing. It should be simple, honest, clean (of spelling and grammar mistakes, as well as bad language) and straight to the point. Of course, sense of humor doesn't hurt... but don't spice it up too much or you'll risk scaring people away. Oh... and don't give away your life story and most intimate desires... leave A LOT to the imagination.
Remember: the purpose of your ad is to provide some basic information about you to the women you will write to. You can put your picture if you want but from my personal experience I found that it doesn't really affect the number of replies.
Here's the ad I placed:
Wouldn't it be surprisingly wonderful for you to meet a very special man on the Internet? I know you might be skeptical but please read on. I'm intelligent, direct, very honest and a little goofballish (in a positive way... or so people say). I have a somewhat sarcastic sense of humor but I know when to restrain myself. I like to talk and love to listen to other people and usually don't have problems making friends. I look good (most people are able to look at me without throwing up) and I have great looking eyes (thanks mom). I work with computers but I like to spend my time with people. Sounds interesting? Here's what I'm looking for: a woman (not a girl) in her twenties, who is intelligent, honest, mature, attractive and who doesn't smoke. I'm looking for someone with a great sense of humor (sarcasm preferred), who can talk about anything and everything, who likes to have fun both outdoors and indoors and who is independent yet not afraid to let someone into her life and share her emotions. If this sounds like you then please reply and we'll take it from there.
As you can see, some basic information about me and what I'm looking for with the occasional smart-ass remark (after all, I can't deny who I am). Women who replied to my ad wrote that they liked it because it seemed that I have a pretty good idea of what I was looking for...
Chapter 2 - Your First Email
Misconception #2: "girls don't really read your first email. They simply check out your ad and then decide whether to reply."
Why is this a misconception?
Because, as mentioned in chapter 1, the high quality girls will simply not have time to read all the replies they get.
I found the first email to be the most crucial element of "online seduction". The problem is that you must make her notice your email and the trick here is to set yourself apart from the crowd.
Consider the typical formulaic email most guys send:
Subject: Hello There!
Hi InternetChick! I read your ad and I thought you were really interesting and I'd like to get to know you better. So... why don't you read my profile and write back. I'd love to hear from you soon,
Now, compare it with this one:
Subject: And now for something completely different
InternetChick is sitting in front of her computer reading through many emails of guys that seem to have only one thing on their mind. It's boring, it's repetitive and she usually just hits the "Delete" button after reading the first paragraph...
Unless she really likes it... which she does...
"Here's an interesting one" she thinks to herself as she's reading Krynnster's message. "This guy is different". She smiles, "and he thinks he can read my mind and tell me what I think". She laughs and then a new thought creeps into her mind: "I must reply... must reply... must reply..." (fadeout effect) "... must reply and find out who he is...".
Questions start running through her mind: "Is he for real?", "he can't be just another guy" and "why is he insisting on this strange yet oddly appealing writing style?". Questions... questions... so many questions...
And, still, the words echo in her mind... "must reply... must reply... must reply..."
Okay, so this seemed just a little bit over the top didn't it? But I did use a very similar text and got some very enthusiastic replies! I sent this message to girls whose writing style (in their ads) indicated that they might be open to this kind of "humor". It worked like magic...
Remember: the purpose of the first email is to get the woman curious and have her reply with or without checking out your ad. If your ad is well written, it will only make the woman more curious about you and she will most likely reply.
Chapter 3 - Getting the Digits
Misconception #3: "online seduction is a lengthy process."
This is wrong! If you spend too much time online with a lady you will become her virtual pen pal and you don't want that!
The truth is that if you get a reply to your first email it means that the woman liked it, probably read through your ad and is VERY interested to find more about you. The email you will get will have a lot of questions and you have to capitalize on her high interest level and move things forward. Quickly.
The mindset you should have is this: the Internet personals are nothing but a pool of potential phone numbers and first dates. The more you get, the better your chances to find what you want so don't waste your time on virtual romance!. You need to get her phone number and get her on a date as soon as possible. If you can't get the digits after the third or fourth email, chances are you will never get it!
You want to know how to get the digits? Ah... but it's so simple...
After you answer her questions in the second email, you end it with a sentence like this:
"Lisa, how about we have a little chat sometime?"
She will most likely reply with: "I'd love to talk to you sometime" but will probably not give you her phone number (yes... they like to play games... who can blame them?).
It's time for you to get cute. End your next email with:
"I'd like to talk to you but you'll have to help me out by filling in the blanks... (xxx) xxx-xxxx"
Chapter 4 - The First Phone Call
I don't think there are any misconceptions here so let's make it very clear: the purpose of the first phone call is to close for a date.
Call her a day or two after getting her number. Don't play the 4 day game here... you've never met her and you don't know if you want her so there's no point in delaying the process. Call during the evening but not too late (8pm works fine).
If someone answers the phone, ask to speak with her (don't assume she's the one picking up the phone). Then introduce yourself ("Hi, this is K"), make minimal small talk and proceed with the close. You want to shoot for a short, casual date. Lunch works best and so does "meeting for coffee or drinks after work". The point is that you have to make sure you won't get stuck if SweetCherry turns out to be a BitterLemon.
If you get the machine, leave a short message: "Hi Lisa! This is K! I wanted to talk to you but you're not there, so why don't you give me a call when you come back? My phone number is xxx-xxxx. Talk to you soon.".
Of course, DON T call again! If you don't hear back from her within a week, chances are she changed her mind about you. Bummer... FOR HER!
Chapter 5 - The First Date
When you finally meet her you will immediately know if there's a chance or not. If there is, practice your DJ skills and set up a longer, more open-ended second date. If there is no chance in hell you will want this lady, be courteous and show her a good time nevertheless. After all, she made the same effort as you did and deserves to be treated respectfully. At the end of the date tell her that she's a very nice girl but not really what you're looking for and wish her luck in finding Mr. Right.
I hope this helps!