Phenomenal First Impressions: How to Have Instant Confidence When Approaching New People Despite Shyness

by Peter Murphy

In this report we will look at NLP and at one of the fundamental tools of NLP which will prove extremely powerful in helping you to have more confidence, enthusiasm and fun when meeting people. And after you apply what you learn in this report you will find it easy to make a great first impression whenever you want to despite your shyness.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is the study of how people represent experiences, real or imagined, to themselves internally, and the corresponding effect on how the nervous system functions.

Dr. Richard Bandler, a Gestalt therapist, and John Grinder, a respected linguist, jointly developed NLP in the 1970s. These two innovative researchers studied highly successful therapists such as Dr. Milton Erikson, the gifted hypnotherapist, and Virginia Satir, an exceptional family therapist, and their findings led them to develop a set of strategies known as NLP.

Today these NLP strategies are used around the world by therapists, business executives and leading sports people to cope with pressure and to perform at their best when they need to.

NLP is all about producing results and often very quickly. If NLP has an attitude then that attitude is all about producing measurable results that enhance the quality of people's lives without a lengthy and painful journey into the past. The application of NLP is directed towards quickly attaining a desired outcome i.e. what do you want and how soon can you have it?

In this report we're going to learn all about an easy to learn NLP technique called anchoring -- a simple way to allow you to change any unwanted feeling to a resourceful feeling in a matter of moments. When you create an anchor you set up a stimulus response pattern so that you can feel the way you want to - whenever you need to.

Imagine what it would be like if you could, in a moment, go from feeling anxious to feeling decisive and absolutely capable right in the middle of a stressful meeting when all eyes are on you. Would that ability make a big difference to your effectiveness at work? Could you now handle the day-to-day pressures of life as a shy person more easily?

I'll now outline how to establish an anchor. Each step is concise and must be followed exactly to ensure you create a powerful anchor.

Steps to creating a powerful anchor:

1) Identify the emotional state you want e.g. confidence, patience, enthusiasm. This step is crucial -- you need to define very specifically how you want to feel.

Choosing to feel powerful and enthusiastic is specific and something you can work towards. Saying that you do not want to feel anxious or shy is not much help because you still do not know what you do want. Select a desired state i.e. specifically how you want to feel.

2) Recall a particular time in your life when you felt the desired state. Pick a powerful example. It's worthwhile looking back at your memories to relive times when you had this desired state. The context is unimportant; what is important is recalling a few particularly strong experiences and then selecting the most powerful one.

3) Create state: in your imagination put yourself back into that experience as if it is happening in this moment -- notice what you see, hear what you were hearing, feel what you were feeling in the moment. Allow it to be as if it is happening.

4) Establish anchors: notice how the state builds to a peak and then declines. Now repeat step 3 only this time just as the state is about to peak, make a unique gesture with the fingers of one hand as you say a word or phrase to evoke the feeling, while also visualizing an image that represents the state.

E.g. clench your left fist as you softly say to yourself ICE COOL... while you picture someone who represents calmness for you e.g. a Buddhist monk. Hold the state for a few moments, release the anchors and then break state (change your emotional state by thinking about something completely different and by changing your posture).

5) Repeat step 4 five times so as to build a resilient anchor. This repetition is crucial.

6) Test the anchors by firing them (make the unique gesture, say the word/phrase, picture the person that represents calmness) and check that you do experience the desired state. You will know that you have successfully anchored the resource when you can access the desired state by firing any one of the component anchors i.e. the visual (picture), auditory (word/phrase) or feeling (gesture) anchor. You ought to feel the anchored state within 10-15 seconds.

If the feeling is not satisfactory then choose a different experience that more precisely gives you the appropriate state.

To make sure you anchoring works as well as possible you need to learn about the secrets to powerful anchoring. There are six distinctions that will supercharge your anchoring skills.

The six secrets to powerful anchoring:

  1. Only anchor an intense state i.e. a strongly felt experience.
  2. Pick an experience that is pure and not mixed with other feelings.
  3. Use unique anchors so the state is only accessed at will.
  4. Timing is crucial, fire the anchors before the peak and release before the peak declines.
  5. Spend time at anchoring to become skillful. Allow 20-30 minutes per session.
  6. Reinforce periodically to keep the anchor strong since the intensity may fade over time.

Using anchors can make a massive difference to your ability to deal with people. Instead of hoping you will feel capable when you next need to express yourself, just fire your anchor and in a moment feel the way you want to feel.

Maybe you want to feel relaxed in a crowded place -- fire your relaxation anchor and you have it in an instant. Perhaps you want to feel powerful, then fire your power anchor and in a few moments you can go from feeling like you are under surveillance to feeling in charge of your feelings and your world.

You can also stack anchors. This means that you would select your desired state and anchor it as above and then repeat the process with a different state but using the same gesture, word and picture.

For example you could anchor confidence to a clenched left fist, say "power" and picture James Bond. Then you could start the anchoring process again to anchor a time when you had a huge grin on your face to the same clenched left fist, "power" and the image of James Bond. Before you know it you'll be able to feel powerful AND happy in a moment. How about stacking enthusiasm too?

This is how I do so well in business when meeting people for the first time. I always have a powerful anchor ready whenever I need it. Just before a key meeting I will fire the anchor to ensure a great first impression, then during the meeting I will fire the anchor again whenever I feel my state slip.

Won't people spot you firing the anchor? No! The secret is to be subtle. You could say the word or phrase to yourself quietly in your head or just imagine that image that evokes the desired state. I like to anchor using subtle gestures such as bringing three fingertips together with a unique pressure. This can be done without anyone noticing.

Anchoring is a life skill that will work for whatever you apply it to. It has relevance for work, family life and relationships. Let's say your spouse has a special talent for getting on your nerves, just fire your calmness anchor and instantly you will have freedom from the torment!

You can also use this new skill to get more of the important things in life. What is of utmost importance to you that you currently are missing out on because you never before had the ability to change how you feel in a moment? How soon now would you like to use anchoring to enhance your ability to deal with other people?

Take some time as well to review your top goals and values. Then decide which emotional states you need to achieve these goals. Create a list of these feelings and schedule 20-30 minutes to set up an anchor for each one. Make notes to remind yourself which triggers you will use for each state.

Although this may seem unusual at first, with practice this will become second nature. Approach it from the point of view of having fun learning something different and you will soon become skilled at anchoring. When I first learned about anchoring I made a point of anchoring three resourceful states a day -- you would be amazed at how quickly your life expands when you're feeling phenomenal!

Peter Murphy is a peak performance consultant. He produces a free weekly ezine all about communicating at your best under pressure. New subscribers receive an e-book that reveals how to turbo charge your communication skills.

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