5 Crippling Pitfalls When Talking to a Woman on the Phone
Many a man has gotten a woman's phone number, chatted with her over the phone, but to the frustration of his ego couldn't, for the life of him, segue from the phone to getting her out in person.
Can you relate? I know I can. I think just about every guy on the planet who has gotten women's phone numbers can.
Years ago this was a real issue for my friends and I. Part of the challenge was that we live in a big city where people have - or at least, pretend to have - busy lives.
Here's a scenario that happened to me more times than I can count...
After getting a woman's number I'd think, "We really connected and had a good time with each other. I bet she can't wait to see me again. We're gonna be having nasty monkey sex in no time!"
Nope. Wrongo. After talking to her over the phone a few times, that magic chemistry she felt withered away, resulting in one of the following...
1). She'd stop returning my phone calls.
2). When I tried to make plans with her, she'd imply, "I'm busy for the next life time and if, like a cat, you've got seven lives to live, then I'm busy for each one of those as well!"
3). If I suggested that we get together, she'd say, "Sounds great! Can't wait! Be sure to call me and confirm on the day we have plans." When I called, she'd apologize with something like, "Sorry sweetie, I can't make it. My Chihuahua is having a panic attack."
Any of this sound familiar?
Long story short...
I got sick and tired of piddling around on the phone with women, having it go nowhere. It plain sucked donkey dick.
So what did I do? I became a mad man. I'd get the number of any woman who'd give it to me: young, old, fat, hairy, smelly... whatever.
I convinced friends to give me women's numbers that had gone sour. Laughing they'd warn: "Good luck buddy. This one's a real bitch. I got nowhere with her."
I didn't care. I just wanted practice talking to women over the phone. I was a mad scientist at work.
After nearly developing lockjaw and accruing a few bankrupting phone bills from incessantly talking to women on the phone, I figured out the secret to moving women from the phone to meeting in person.
Before I share with you this secret I want to tell you about something else I gleaned from my experience. ...
I discovered that when talkin' to a woman, the average collective male slogs down at least one of five crippling roads. (Note: Even if you consider yourself a ladies' man, if you can't consistently transition from talking to a woman over the phone to getting her out in person, chances are, you're strolling down one of these roads.)
Road # 1: Trying to Win Over a Woman's Heart...
If you're a hopeless romantic, you might revel in the journey and struggle of winning over a woman's heart.
Many women can yap on for hours about how much they love when a man goes out of his way to win her over. And rightfully so - everyone likes an ego boost from someone going out of their way to win them over! I sure do. Hot damn! It's flattering.
And some women go on to marry and have relationships with these guys.
But these women almost never feel deep level attraction for them.
Do you know why?
When you try to win over, impress, or get validation from a woman, you're communicating the following to her...
- You believe she has higher value than you.
- You're putting an insane value on your outcome with her.
- You're scared of losing her.
This establishes the meta-frame -- the underlying meaning of your interaction with her -- that she's a Prize you're chasing after.
Fact: Women feel no attraction for men chasing after them as a Prize they want to win over.
Doing this is the quickest rout to eradicating any attraction a woman felt for you.
Road # 2: Trying to Impress a Woman Through Acting Entertaining & Funny...
Maybe you're thinking, "I don't try to win women over. I'm cool and laid back. And funny and entertaining as a professional comedian. The ladies love it."
No doubt women - people - respond to humor.
Each joke you tell, every entertaining story you share, could be hacking away at your chances of success with women.
To give you an example, a few friends of mine are funny enough to give professional comedians, like Chris Rock, a run for their money. But women find them annoying and obnoxious.
You know why?
They're acting funny and entertaining within the context of trying to impress women.
If a woman thinks you're trying to win her over, no matter how entertaining or funny she finds you, she'll think: "Dance little monkey... dance!"
Even the most attention-sucking stories and laugh-so-hard-I-pooped- my-pants jokes will annoy her if you've set the meta-frame that she's a Prize you're toiling away to possess.
But...I know guys cursed with a humorless wit who can keep women in stitches and ballooning with lust for hours on end.
How is this possible?
They joke around with women the same way they joke around with their best friends.
When you're with good friends, half the reason you make jokes and goof around is to amuse yourself. It doesn't come from a place of trying to win them over or impress them.
If you're having a good time and joking around to amuse yourself, the stupidest subjects can hold a woman's attention.
So remember: when talking to a woman on the phone don't worry about impressing her. Have fun. Enjoy the conversation. Amuse yourself.
Road # 3: Filling the Quota of Her Ideal Man...
Another variation of trying to win a woman over is attempting to fill the quota of her "Ideal Man." Many guys are guilty of this (I used to do this all the time).
What usually happens is this...
As a guy is talking over the phone with a woman she'll bring up what she likes - or more often, what she disdains - in a man. Most guys, then, end up trying to qualify or prove to the woman that they are her ideal man.
Don't do this. It conveys to the woman that you view her as a Prize you are trying to win over. If a woman starts listing her "man" standards and requirements or begins yapping about a guy she really likes, interrupt her with, "this conversation's really boring me" or, alternatively, yawn.
Even if she is lumbered with an I.Q. barely hovering into the double digits, she'll get the hint.
Plus... you'll have transformed the underlying meaning of your phone conversation with her from:
To win her over you have to possess or display such-and-such qualities.
Her conversation topic is not winning her any points with you.
Put in plane English: You've established that you're the Prize in the interaction.
A crippling version of men trying to fill a woman's "man" quota is probing her with questions about what she look for in a guy. (I can feel my throat spasm with disgust up-and-down inside my neck skin just thinking about guys doing this.)
If you are guilty of this, stop it! Besides having a sign with the words, "I'm insecure about how I measure up to a woman's ideal fantasy man" push pinned to your forehead, you're defining the underlying meaning of your phone conversations with women as them being the Prize, not you.
Assume, instead, that you are the Prize she is trying to win over. Make her fill the quota of your ideal woman.
Maybe, for example, when talking to a woman over the phone, I might enthuse: "I like talking to you. You seem like a lot of fun." But then I'll object, "I wish you were more adventurous. I don't think you can handle me." Then I'll shut up and let her respond. Next, I'll raise the bar higher... and so on.
Do you get what I'm doing? I'm goading her into proving that she fills my" ideal woman" quota. I'm emotionally compelling her to chase after me as a Prize she's itching to possess.
Road # 4: Treating Her Like Your Wife...
If a woman gives you her number - even if you feel like you have a special connection with her or end up sleeping with her the first night you meet - she is not yet your girlfriend or wife.
Treating a woman like a wife when first getting to know her will hurl you to the top of the Creep-O-Meter.
This means DON'T: ask her questions about other guys she's seeing, interrogate her about how she spends her time, and reprimand her for flaking on you.
How she spends her time is her business. Telling attractive women what they can and cannot do, will make 95% of them run for their life.
Road # 5: Acting Aloof & Disinterested & Letting Her Pursue You...
More than a few people have accused me of endorsing this category. They're only half right. As you read on, you'll get what I mean.
One of the dating maxims in the movie Swingers is: You need to wait six days before calling a girl's number -- "You don't," as it's put in the movie, "want to scare off a beautiful baby."
The movie gives a pretty funny example illustrating the consequences of breaking the six-day rule when the protagonist, a lovable-loser named "Mike," calls a woman he has only known a few hours again and again. His seventh call to her is like the one unlucky drink that shoves a wavering alcoholic off the wagon, when she picks up the phone and says, "Mike... don't ever call me again."
If you haven't seen the movie, do. It's a must.
The moral behind the six-days-before-calling rule is that calling a woman too soon conveys truckloads of interest, and showing lots of interest right away communicates that you're needy and desperate.
Unless a woman is head-over-heels for you, calling you a hundred times a day, waiting six days to call her -- or, even worse, passively waiting for her to call you -- won't do a damn thing.
Keep reading to find out why...
Prizing: Proactively Making Her Chase You...
In my audio course I talk about Prizing - the art of triggering a form of sexual tension that emotionally compels her to chase you. Prizing isn't about passively waiting for a woman to chase after you. Acting passive is as crippling to your success as trying to win a woman over.
The first step to emotionally driving women to chase you on the phone is taking the initiative by calling them.
Calling them too soon is much less important than what flies out of your mouth on the phone with them.
If you can emotionally trigger attraction and keep women chasing you, moving them from the phone to out in person with you is as easy as tying your shoe.
But I should warn you: if you can't consistently trigger attraction and emotionally drive women to chase you, your success rate at moving them from the phone to in person will be haphazard at best.
Be honest with yourself... How many of the phone numbers that you've gotten over the last year materialized into anything?
Over the past six months, has there been women you wanted to hook up with... but didn't?
If deep down inside you want better results than what you're currently getting, then you owe it to yourself to improve this area of your life.
I've put together a course where you'll learn step-by-step how to develop the confidence and skills to trigger attraction and emotionally drive women to chase you as a Prize they want to win over -- even without looks, money, or fame.
Your Loyal Dating Coach,
"Dr. of Attraction"
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