The Thin Line of Love and Posture

by Carlos Xuma

There is a facet of male confidence called posture that bears some discussion.

What exactly is posture? Well, simply put, it's your ability to feel like you have control over the situations you enter with women, whether this is asking for the phone number, date behavior, sexual initiation, whatever.

When you go out on a date, you have to enter the situation with self-control and assurance. This assurance comes from the deep-seated belief that you are the one with the goods - this woman needs something you have.

Posture can be gauged on a scale, like those wide speedometers on old luxury cars. On the far left (near 0 mph) is your total ambivalence (and just a bit of avoidance) to the situation or woman. On the right (where your engine is maxxed), you are hopelessly obsessed, anticipating and bemoaning every waking minute you're not near her. In the middle is a comfortable place for the needle to rest. You occasionally think about her, but you know you can also remain detached.

Think of how you felt when you knew someone you were not attracted to had a crush you: Part of you was flattered, but mostly you could not have cared less.

Think of how you treated her. You were probably cool and a bit aloof, not wanting to instigate further feelings of attraction on her part. The ironic thing is that this only made her want you more.

The point here is that you should strive to emulate this kind of attitude with every woman you relate to. The trick is that you practice this cool detachment with a balance of flirtatious interest, but only enough to give them some doubt about your intentions -- Mystery.

Emulate the masters: James Dean, Sean Connery, Cary Grant, John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, etc. These guys were a bit sexist in their day, but they displayed the stoic example of male posture: Their personas said they didn't give a damn if the woman they were with wanted them or not, and that is why they were admired by men and women alike.

But keep in mind that posture is not just a hardened visage of manliness. To the contrary, your ability to remain vulnerable and flexible is essential to success. The man that is rigid and unbending will break (as the Taoist saying about the reed in the wind.) Balance your firmness with a measure of emotional warmth.

(Another possible trap of false posture is the manipulation of a woman's self-esteem, and you should avoid this as well. It can be tempting to use a woman's insecurities against her as a tool to control her. This is not the correct use of posture.)

You'll know you have posture when you have the will to get up and leave ANY situation you happen to be in with a woman if it suits you.

You'll be able to pull back from a kiss first, thus leaving her wanting more. You'll be able to call her bluffs and tests. You'll be able to turn her down for a date because you're busy. You'll be able to walk away from a potentially poisonous woman, no matter how beautiful. You'll be able to turn her down for sex because you have alternatives and options - as well as knowing that she needs it more than you.

Posture. She'll respect you and admire you for keeping it, no matter what. And you'll respect and admire yourself, too. Imagine what that will feel like.

The mantra of this attitude is this: I am better off alone than with the wrong woman!

Carlos Xuma