There's This One Special Girl I'm Longing For...

by Giuseppe Notte

Be honest. It's happened to all of us. There was this girl... A girl you might have never even talked to... But still... You couldn't help but think about her all day... And the more you thought about her, the less courage you had to go up to her and invite her on a date.

The above situation repeats itself from time to time. Back in high school, there was the girl who was one class below you. At the university, there was that wonderful woman who always sat in the second row, and later there was the lady who worked in the office next to yours.

And those damn feelings of one-sided "love" keep reappearing and making your life miserable. The more you idolize these girls, the further they slip from your reality. Finally, the thought of being with one of them one day in the future becomes nothing more than a mere fantasy.

Lesson #1:  In a relationship, and especially when going out with someone for the first time, it's always the person with less emotional involvement who dictates and chooses. This means if you go out with a girl and your happiness depends on how the date goes, you're ruining your chances before you even have a chance.

The more you stress out about a certain girl, the more emotionally involved you become, and as a result, you're almost GUARANTEED to be rejected.

Lesson #2:  Girls like to look up to their men for something. If you ask some girls who are in love with their partners, they will always say they adore him for something in his personality. It doesn't matter why, but a woman has to look up to her man. If you idolize a girl and put her on a pedestal, she will sense it instantly.

She will feel that SHE IS THE ONE IN CONTROL. As soon as this happens, you are NOT A CHALLENGE for her anymore. The result? You get rejected.

Lesson #3:  When you have to work hard for your chocolate, it will always taste sweeter. If you walk into the supermarket and choose a chocolate bar from the huge display of candy, there's no challenge in it. But when you have to work hard to get that "one special" chocolate... Now that's a CHALLENGE! It's the same with women.

If you're not that easy to get and if she senses that you might leave (and not come back) at any time, she'll be challenged and will likely become attracted to you.

Have you ever seen eight guys drooling over the same woman and fighting for her attention? Which one of them do you think got the girl? It was the ninth one who was watching from a distance while showing no interest in her. The girl probably thought, "Why doesn't he come over here like all the other guys? Doesn't he like me? I have to find out why..."

In the end, it was the girl who approached the guy and wanted something from him. Now that's the POWER OF CHALLENGE and CURIOSITY. Never underestimate it!

When you think you "love" a girl you've never even talked with, you keep going around and around in a vicious circle. You keep playing with the thought of being with this "one special girl" in various situations. This projection in your mind creates a lot of energy.

This energy wants to explode and unless it can be defused (through your being with the girl you dream about), it will create a lot of stress and tension inside you. It's an endless loop. If you try to ignore the feeling with force, it will reappear and become even stronger.

Realize that this is not "real love" -- it's just a form of LUST TO POSSESS. You don't even know this girl. You're just driving yourself around in this circle. The solution? First, admit this feeling to yourself. Then carry on with your life. Don't ignore it -- just notice that it's inside, and you can't do anything about it.

Try to watch yourself from a neutral perspective. The second step is to focus your energy on something else: like going out and meeting other women. As soon as you kiss another girl or get close to her, that "one special lady" will be of less importance to you.

Finally, there's a secret. Even the biggest badass players get this feeling from time to time. They just learn to deal with it, and thanks to their skills, it's easier for them to attract other women and focus on them instead. You can do yourself two big favors. First, learn to get over your fear and approach the woman you are longing for.

That way, even if you're rejected, it will happen sooner and you haven't wasted weeks or months of your life. The second is to learn how to attract women — not only will it help you figure out how to deal with this "one special girl," but with this skill, it will also be easier for you to heal your wounds and get over her.