The Sneaky Psychology of Reverse Seduction

by Derek Vitalio

One of the keys to being successful with women is to have a relaxed confidence about you. I call this a "base state" because it affects and colors all the other actions that you do.

Relaxed confidence, that "base state" is the foundation which all of the other techniques and tactics rest on. Without some level of relaxed confidence, it's pretty easy to fumble a seduction.

Let me tell you a story of a girl I met at a seminar to illustrate what it's like to maintain a sense of relaxed confidence through the course of a seduction. And along the way, I'll show you a technique I like to use which I call "reverse seduction".

I like attending seminars because you always have the chance of meeting very attractive, smart, available women. I was attending a seminar given by Deepak Chopra and hanging out in the lobby when I ran into a cute girl with a notepad and pen in her hands, one of those people you normally see at the mall conducting surveys. She was just standing there, bored, which didn't surprise me. Guests didn't attend this seminar to answer survey questions.

"What happened, nobody loves you today?" I said to her.

"No, everyone's ignoring me. Would you like to take a survey?"

"Hmm... I don't know if I should... you look like you'll be a lot trouble to me."

"Oh please... it will only take 5 minutes," she pleaded.

She was really cute about it so I sat down with her and started answering her questions. She turned out to be a student doing research on people who attended spiritual seminars for a paper she was writing. Pretty soon the questions turned conversational however and she was asking me what I did.

"So what do you do?" she asked.

"What do you think? Take a guess."

"Hmmm what?"

"I teach men how to have incredible relationships."

"Really? You know, now that you say that, I can see why."

"Oh yeah, how's that?" I asked.

"Well, you look like you would. It's in your manner somehow, but I really can't explain why I thought that," she said.

"Wow that's sooo very perceptive of you," I teased her.

Later on the conversation got into my background.

"So," she said, "You're Italian."

"Well, almost. My grandfather was Italian," I replied.

"Oh my god... have you ever been to Italy? I'd love to go."

"Oh so are you inviting me to Italy? I expect to go in style, first class. It would just be like being on our honeymoon!" Here I'm future pacing that she's taking ME out and that we're newlyweds.

"Only if you teach me Italian," she playfully countered.

"I don't know," I said. "I'd have to think about that... I don't know if going on a romantic trip to Italy with a student would be ethical... besides, what if you tried to seduce me?" Here I'm reframing the reality with the playful, flirting twist that SHE is the seducer. I call this a "reverse seduction" frame.

"Nah, it would be alright... and I'd behave to," she said playfully.

"Oh yeah, you seem like too much of a handful for me... you better behave!"


"This survey is taking a lot longer than 5 minutes," I teased her.

"Well I have to keep you here talking to me somehow."

Green light. I smile and look deep into her eyes.

"So when are you going back home?" she asked.

"In a few days. Besides, I can't go back yet. I've scheduled an introductory Italian class tonight with a new student."

"Oh really... who is this new student?"

I began to describe her features. "Oh, she's about 5'4", with brown curly shoulder length hair, light eyes... and very feisty "

"Oh, you mean me!"

"Well, duh," I said with a smile. "So you must know if she's looking forward to her first Italian lesson."

"Oh yes, she says that she can't wait. She mentioned that you were very cute too."

"Well tell her that I'll be calling her this evening to arrange the time. And by the way, I lost her number... do you happen to have it on you?"

Without hesitation she wrote down her phone number on one of her survey papers and gave it to me. At that point I had to go.

"Very nice to meet you, Derek," she said as I said goodbye to her.

That night I called her and we got together. We ended up having dinner, hanging out, and practicing Italian together for the couple of days I was in town.

For more detailed information on reverse seduction visit Seduction Science.

Until next time,

Derek Vitalio
Learn the Science of Seduction