The Secret of Sex Cues

by Derek Vitalio

Cuing refers to the fact that many of our biological drives require an environmental cue or signal to make us aware of them. For instance, if you are busy or distracted you may not notice you're hungry until you smell some pizza.

Sexual arousal works in a similar way for women. Sex cues make them aware of their sexual needs.

I was talking to a woman friend of mine over lunch. She told me that she had met a "nice guy" at this party one night but she wasn't very impressed by him or his looks. He invited her to have a drink in his apartment and since the party was boring anyway she agreed to go.

To her surprise, his apartment was a charming place. The lights were low and not bright like in most apartments. Classical music was playing. And there was a large fireplace casting all kinds of soft, interesting shadows on the walls. She told me that suddenly she began to find this otherwise unattractive man more and more enticing.

I laughed at her story because I knew she was primarily responding to the sex cues in the apartment.

Yet most guys don't take advantage of purposely setting up sex cues. Their apartments are boring, stark, drab, or messy -- hardly what would set a woman in the right mood for some hot sex.

Sex Cue: Colored Lighting

Good lighting can be just as effective as any mood-altering drug. With the right light, even the dumpiest room can be a place that encourages lovemaking.

Women don't like bright lights. Instead, you want to have low, indirect, and diffuse illumination that creates a provocative effect. Pink light bulbs are easy on the eyes and flattering on the skin. Red, orange, and yellow lights all resemble firelight. Using an "up" light from the floor with colored bulbs can create a dramatic effect.

Women get turned on in the presence of flickering firelight as well. Everyone looks more sexy and heroic in the glow of firelight. This doesn't mean you need to install a fireplace in your room. Just have some candles ready to be lit.

Sex Cue: Music

The right music can subliminally put a woman in the mood for sex. It's been shown that slow, "heartbeat" music makes our heart rate slow, muscles relax, posture become looser, and skin to conduct more heat. Music also helps us experience trance-like states of altered consciousness and let go of the normal, everyday distracting thoughts in her head.

Even if her response is not obviously apparent, she'll respond to music in subtle ways without conscious thought. Scientific studies show that people return to the same store more often when music that they like is playing in the background, even if they're not fully conscious of it. Scientific studies also suggest that music listening seems to encourage the release of endorphins that help to block out feelings of pain and stress.

So get yourself a stereo that can play CDs and place it in your bedroom. You'll want to get a multi-disk player that can handle three discs or more. And if you can create your own custom, MP3 file CDs on your computer, you'll want a stereo system that also plays MP3 CDs.

A budget stereo system for under $200 should get you a three-disc CD changer, a cassette player, and halfway decent speakers. This is fine for a small bedroom and you can find one at stores like Target, K-Mart, Circuit City, and Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, most manufacturers have made most of the inexpensive systems very bright and flashy, so if you want a more elegant, sophisticated look, you may end up paying more for a higher end model.

For an enhanced playing experience, and if you have the money to spare, you might want to get a package that includes a subwoofer and four speakers for true 5.1 Dolby Digital surround sound playback. True surround sound creates an enveloping sound field that comes from all directions for an almost surreal, immersing experience. Expect to pay $400 or more for such a system. Best Buy and Sound Advice carry systems in this range.

Sex Cue: Running Water

The combination of flickering candlelight with rippling water can create a uniquely spiritual, relaxing mood for lovemaking. Putting a candle next to rippling water also creates all sorts of interesting light reflections. You can usually find elegant but inexpensive fountains for as little as $20.00 in most malls.

These are just some of the more obvious sex cues you can set up in your apartment. Of course, all of the sex cues in the world won't get you laid if you lack any seductive skills, but they can give you the extra edge you need.

Derek Vitalio
Learn the Science of Seduction