How to Calm Your Nerves When Talking to a Woman
Improve Your Conversation Skills, Calm Your Nervousness, and Become More Confident When Talking to Women
I had a chance to interview Bobby Rio, creator of Conversation Escalation: Make Small Talk Sexy.
Since the topic of the program is creating more fun, flirtatious, and "sexual" conversations with women, I figured I'd get some tips out of him for improving your conversation skills and creating attraction in women.
1) Are There Any Specific Techniques That Have Really Improved Your Conversation Skills Over the Years?
Yes. One is called "Hit the Fast Forward Button."
For me, my biggest frustration was always the first few minutes of a conversation. It always felt awkward and "forced." And I would constantly find myself wondering "does she even want to be talking to me?"
And because of this, I tended to stay on "safe" and "boring" topics. And ultimately most of my conversations would die out really quickly.
This even happened with girls I knew already. For instance, I would be out at a bar and see a girl from one of my classes, and SHE WOULD APPROACH ME... yet, I still couldn't advance the conversation beyond "how have you been? So what have you been up to? Blah blah blah."
I shudder just thinking about how many girls I lost because I let the conversation sputter out way too soon.
It finally got to the point where I HATED even talking to a girl... because I knew how boring it would be.
Well, one night I was out at a bar with a friend. The next morning I was booked to go sky diving and was literally shitting myself with visions of the parachute not opening.
Now, in the middle of this conversation two girls stand next to us and order drinks from the bar. And my friend starts a conversation with one of them.
With my mind preoccupied on skydiving I was in no mood to go through the motions of "get to know you" chit chat. So I simply said "I don't mean to be rude... but I'm shitting a brick right now. Tomorrow morning I'm scheduled to jump out of plane from a couple thousand feet in the air... and I need you to convince me that the parachute is going to open."
Well, I thought the girls would find it rude that I just completely bypassed the "get to know you" stuff... but they seem relieved. They were completely engaged in talking about skydiving... and we went on to have a really fun, playful conversation.
And that is when I realized you can "hit the fast forward button."
I went on to test this technique hundreds of times. Really early into a conversation I would just jump to a topic that is more conducive to building rapport and attraction. And what I found is that girls actually seemed happy to skip the small talk too.
2) How Do You Calm Your Nerves While Talking to a Woman?
The quickest and most reliable way to calm nervousness is to develop an intention.
Fear, nervousness, and anxiety stem from not knowing what to do.
You see, once you know what your next move is you have no time to worry about it.
You just do it.
The problem is most guys have no clue what they are supposed to be doing. And even worse, they have no clue what the ultimate result is they are after.
When you start talking to a woman... what is your intention? Do you want to get her phone number? Do you want to get a date? Do you want to try to have sex with her that night?
Most guys don't know.
And because of this you get into a conversation with a girl, and you're continually looking for a reason to eject. In fact, when she says "I have to go to the bathroom" you're probably happy because it takes all of the pressure off of you.
That's because you weren't committed to any real outcome.
I remember when I first graduated college. I was really unsure of what I wanted to do with my life. So I tried a lot of careers. And very soon into these different careers I would get really nervous about my future. I would start to think I was never going to make it. And at the first sign of an obstacle I would give up.
I got nervous and gave up easily because there was no intention behind what I was doing. I was not committed to making it in any of these careers.
Later, when I started TSB Magazine... I was just as broke, just as clueless... but I knew what I wanted. I wanted to create a magazine that would help millions of men. So I no longer worried about my future. I no longer worried when I came up against an obstacle. I just kept figuring out what I had to do next to get to the outcome I was after.
So once you figure out what outcome you want with a girl... just keep focused on what you need to do next? And don't stop until you get that outcome.
3) Who Would Most Benefit From Conversation Escalation?
If you get hung up on what to say next... this course will definitely provide you with a handful of tools that make sure you can keep a conversation flowing.
If you understand how attraction works... but need a "roadmap" to steer your way through a conversation, to keep it rolling, free of awkwardness or boredom, right to a natural and climatic ending — this course will act as that road map.
If you can't seem to get the right mindset for flirting with women... this course provides "mind tricks" that keep your mind sharp so you can immediately spot a chance to inject humor and value into the conversation. It teaches you to become more "quick witted" and spontaneous.
Overall, this course is meant for the guy who knows that his ability to have a fun and flirtatious conversation with a woman is the only thing holding him back from having a phone full of numbers of women waiting for him to call.
The one thing I want to leave you with is: No matter how intimidated you are by the thought of becoming a "smooth talker" with women, you really are a lot closer than you think.
Once you make a handful of "tweaks" you'll find that you actually enjoy talking to women and you will begin to see how easy it is to create attraction.
To become a master at talking to and flirting with women, check out the very popular Conversation Escalation: Make Small Talk Sexy and learn how to instantly generate attraction through the way you talk to women.