Why Women Rarely Approach Men

by Rebel Leader

I see this question asked often:

Why won't she approach me if she's interested?

Often, the presumption is that the woman is insecure or she wants reassurance about herself from you.

Well, I dug around in my psyche a bit and came up with an alternative explanation.

For a bit of background on who I am: I am an assertive woman, and neither insecure nor wanting reassurance of my value. I probably rate a 6 or 7 on a 10 scale for looks.

When I spot a man (a stranger I haven't already met) whom I'd like to get to know better as a romantic possibility, I send signals like eye contact and smiles. I ATTRACT his attention.

If the situation is a tough one for him (for example, if I'm sitting with a male friend) I'll throw in a wink and raise an eyebrow, and maybe make an excuse to walk PAST him on my way to the powder room or to the bar to get another round, along with more eye contact.

There is no way he can mistake that I'm smiling at him.

But I don't initiate contact by walking over TO him. He has to make a move by *at least* beckoning me to walk over and talk to him. (I'll hold my ground unless I'm sitting or standing with a male friend and my target may have reason to think he might get slugged if he approaches me.)

It isn't that I can't initiate. If I'm not interested romantically (say I'm interested professionally or for friends only), I'll walk right up, shake his hand, introduce myself and get down to business.

Romance is a different issue, and here's why...

By approaching her you establish control of the territory.

First yours and then hers.

Now consider that I'm no shrinking violet. I carry a cell phone in one pocket and a Spyderco knife in the other. "Don't be a victim" is my motto. I very rarely feel intimidated by circumstances or people.

As a woman, though, I weigh in at about two-thirds to one-half the size of my man. It might be hard-wired into my genes or imprinted by the people around me — all I know is that it simply FEELS GOOD when a man takes control of the territory and acts like he will handle situations.

Acting territorial is a masculine trait, and I feel reassured when sensing a concrete sign of the masculinity that I like so much.

I feel reassured not from strokes to my vanity, but reassured that I can continue to perform the feminine role of opening vulnerabilities to him in an environment that is safe because he controls it.