Are You In a Dating Slump?
We've all been there before. The dreaded Dating Slump.
It's that period where your batting average has dropped to under .100 and you are facing an average of 3 pitches per at bat. In other words, you know if you could just get on base you could score, but you're having problems jump starting your game.
In this thoughtburst I hope to cover:
- Reasons why dating slumps occur.
- How to get out of a dating slump.
- How to avoid getting into a dating slump in the future.
REASONS WHY DATING SLUMPS OCCUR
There are two types of reasons why you can find yourself in a slump, things I'll call Surface Reasons and Critical Reasons.
"Surface Reasons" are those that we are most aware of. They are usually exterior phenomenon that we can easily blame for our slump. Focusing on Surface Reasons, as we'll see, only leads to increasing the duration and affect of your slump.
Typical Surface Reasons include (but are not limited to):
1) Getting Dumped/Let's-Just-Be-Friends - Now this doesn't always happen to lead to a slump, but we've all been there when it has. Our confidence crashes to a new low, approaching new people seems laborious, and that happy DJ persona has disappeared almost completely.
2) Personal Crises - A personal crisis can throw off your game as well. Things such as loss of a loved one, family crises, loss of job, or loss of your pet. A personal crisis can have much the same affect as the above (decreasing confidence) but it can also cause you to necessarily focus on other events in your life leading to decreased time spent DJing which takes you away from your game.
3) Bad Luck - Yep, a streak of simple bad luck can cause your game to suck. This is especially true for up-n-coming DJs that are trying to turn their life around, yet find themselves struggling to get out of the "nice guy" hole they've been digging for years. You are trying all these new things with no immediate results. It can be frustrating, and frustration leads to hate, hate leads to anger, and anger leads to no sex.
On the other hand, "Critical Reasons" are things that you can control, or are directly under your influence, which contribute to your slump. I call them Critical Reasons because of this distinction and the fact that often Critical Reasons provide the key for escaping the slump.
Critical Reasons usually manifest themselves as Surface Reasons, and this is why it is necessary to provide a clear distinction. I'm a firm believer that, in any situation, there is something we can control to make the outcome more beneficial to us. More on this later.
Typical Critical Reasons include (but are not limited to):
1) Setting Goals too High - Especially true for beginner DJs. Setting unrealistic goals can easily lead to frustration and the feeling of unattainability. Setting easier goals, and increasing them incrementally at one's own pace, will slowly increase your confidence over time. This slow growth will provide for more secure self-confidence later.
2) Focusing on One Girl - Yep, we've all done this haven't we? All of a sudden you meet this one girl that just seems to catch your fancy more than all of the rest. You ignore any other ladies in your circle, and maybe even your guy friends. You start to base your dating life around her and her alone. This takes you out of your game, and if she dumps you or LJBF's you, you've already entered slumpville pal.
3) Focusing on Women in General - This is perhaps the most common one for DJs I feel. This web site seems to focus almost exclusively on how to get women, how to sleep with hot women, etc. I do not believe this should be the goal of a true DJ. The focus of a DJ should be on constant self-improvement. This improvement takes many forms, but ultimately will lead to a DJ being happier, a better overall person, and as a consequence of this (for those of you still focused on girls) he will attract the women he wanted to attract in the first place without much effort at all.
HOW TO GET OUT OF A DATING SLUMP
Ok, so I've given you three Surface Reasons and three Critical Reasons why slumps can occur. But I'm already in a slump, you say! What do I do now? Getting out of said slump has two parts.
There are general slump breakers, which can get you out of any slump with time and effort, and there is the direct way of attacking the cause of the slump head on. The best approach is a combination of the two techniques.
"General Slump Breakers"
General Slump Breakers focus on self improvement without necessarily being directly related to the cause of the slump. They simply make you feel better about yourself, and work to improve any of your natural qualities (looks, personality, humor, etc).
I'm just going to list a few. Most of these should be pretty obvious as to why they will help.
1) Work out (the MOST important one! It affects your physical appearance, your testosterone levels, your confidence, and makes you more energetic and generally feeling better).
2) Find a new Hobby.
3) Find some new Music to replace your typical style.
4) Get out. Do anything if it gets you outside whether it be the mall or a hike in the mountains.
5) Watch Swingers. Then watch it again. And again. Until you get it.
6) Improve your Social Interactions - read books on sociology, or anything that relates to how people interact to boost your social IQ. Read the 48 Laws of Power. Be friendly to everyone you meet, say hi and go back to the basics of talking to strangers and using eye contact.
Ok well you get the idea anyway.
"Specific Slump Breakers"
Specific Slump Breaking requires that you discover the Critical Reason for the slump. People tend to avoid accepting responsibility for their fate, and focus on the Surface Reasons for the slump. If only she hadn't dumped me, they say. Or if only I'd get one phone number this week.
Surface Reasons are undoubtedly real. However, by themselves they cannot throw you into a slump. Underneath all the Surface Reasons you may have, there is at least one Critical Reason that is to blame. So you got dumped by your girl? Well, you shouldn't focus so much on one girl then. So you aren't getting as many phone numbers as you'd like? Lower your expectations, don't set your goals so high. As a rule, go back to the basics and fix the problem.
In summary, getting out of the slump is as easy as 1, 2, 3:
- Identify the Critical Reasons for Your Dating Slump.
- Apply General Dating Slump Breakers.
- Apply Specific Dating Slump Breakers.
HOW TO AVOID GETTING INTO A DATING SLUMP
After reading the rest of this, you should have a pretty good idea on how to avoid slumps in the future already. Simply being aware of how a slump occurs and how to break one allows you to put the breaks on when you see the signs for slumpville steadily approaching.
Being aware of your attitude and your reaction to everyday events at all times can bring to the front some of your own personal risk factors that could lead to slumps in the future. If you realize that a comment someone made to you affects you more than it should, be aware of that and deal with it. Don't let it sit. Work on it, fix it. Destroy that weakness by making yourself stronger and more resilient.
I cannot stress enough that the only person who can get you into a slump is YOU. No matter what happens, you always have the trump card to any situation if you know how to play it. The trump card is ATTITUDE.
Your attitude determines how you will react to a situation, and can make you or break you. A positive attitude can help you smoothly sail through the roughest seas. It keeps your confidence up, and helps prevent frustration, anger, or depression from accumulating in your system.
Good Luck and Happy Hunting!