You Can't Manipulate Women into Loving You
Some of the regulars here may remember a post I wrote about a friend of mine, who had fallen for this girl at his work. He had feelings about her, but never "made the move." Instead they hung out pretty much daily for about four months, being "just friends."
As time went on, he became more and more desperate, to the point where he betrayed all of his male friends, tried to manipulate the girl's friends behind her back, and pulled all kinds of lies and "secret plans" to try and win this girl. It got so bad that he became completely irrational. Some quotes in example..
"She's in love with me, she just doesn't want to admit it to herself." – He never realized this, but this statement is a nasty self-insult. So, what you're saying is, the girl is in love with you, but she's SO REPULSED by the idea, that she won't admit it?
"She's really religious, and moves really slow." – He was telling his buddies this, after he had been hanging out with this girl for three months. Psychologists call this a self-reinforcing delusion. During the three months, she performed fellatio on a guy she met in a bar, and reportedly slept with two or three other men. Yeah, she moves really slow all right.
He bought her all kinds of gifts, and lied to her about other people to make it seem like he was her only friend, the only person she could trust.
He put her up on a pedestal so high that she literally became a goddess in his eyes, the perfect woman. In fact, when he asked me for my opinion of her looks, and I gave him my honest opinion (about a 7), he was so offended by it that we didn't speak for two weeks. He later said that it was the most offensive and insulting thing anyone had ever told him!
His basic strategy was this:
1. Complete supplication. Bow to her every whim, pay for every date, and buy her lots of expensive gifts. Agree with every single thing she says.
2. Try to manipulate her feelings behind her back, to make her like you more.
3. Never ever make a physical move. Allow her to initiate any handholding or kissing (she never did). After all, it will happen naturally, eventually.
In short, he made EVERY SINGLE MISTAKE POSSIBLE.
And did he get the girl in the end? No. They now claim to hate each other. He says he just doesn't care about her anymore. In fact, he's now sleeping with someone else (a married woman with three kids, but that's another story). He says that she lied to him constantly. Well, he let her lie to him, now didn't he?
She claims that he is an idiot, and she was just hanging out with him because he always bought her beer and presents.
This from two people who were supposedly best friends not 30 days ago.
Learn from this story guys – you cannot manipulate someone into loving you. Don't wait for the girl to make the first move, you are the man, that's YOUR JOB! For the young guys, there are lots of beautiful women in the world. Many of them will come in and out of your life. There is no perfect girl. Don't put the object of your interest on a pedestal. It's a long way to fall; everyone has their own flaws.
If you meet someone interesting, the clock starts ticking at the very first "Hello." Try to make a move within the first 48 hours. If you try to become their "best friend" and wait for things to happen "naturally" you are going to LOSE. Save yourself the heartache and try that move right away. If she's not interested she'll tell you!
If that happens, move on!