How to Become a Man

How an Average Chump Became a Man — Overnight

by Johnny

I had a fascinating insight into the true nature of a Don Juan.

No scratch that, I had my eyes opened to how an average chump, with low self-esteem and no backbone can achieve all the finest qualities of manhood... in the blink of an eye.

Every platoon has its worst soldier. You Americans made a really funny comedy about it ... Gomer Pyle, I think. Well, we have one in my platoon. He's a young bloke I went to school with, everyone picked on him, and when he joined my unit the guys ripped on him here too.

Because I knew him from school (can't be seen to go easy on your mates) and because he 'was' pretty much hopeless at everything, I made his life pretty miserable. I gave every dirty, difficult, demeaning, dangerous task to this poor bastard.

After lights out one night I could see a light in the corner of a room, so I went to check it out. He was there, boots and kit on the table, ironing away. Bits of cloth, tins of brasso all over the place. He saw me and said hello (we are friends when no one is looking). I just put my hand on his shoulder and said, "Go to bed, we've got some nasty stuff planned for you bastards tomorrow."

After a tough day of training the men were formed up on the parade ground and I gave the usual gas bag speech about how much I hate being here and what a bunch of no good bludgers (Aussie for lazy bastards) they are, but I ended on a different note.

I said how proud I was of, let's call him Gomer, and that if I had 2 more like him I'd be proud to say I was part of this stinking company, and sent them off to enjoy their weekend.

That night I went to the local to relax and have a VB (popular Aussie beer, stands for Victoria Bitter). Down the bar I saw a sight I will never forget — Gomer with a woman. And what's more, 3 women.

He also seemed to have grown a foot or so, with the demeanor of a sheriff from an 18th-century western town. He was an awesome sight — strong, masculine, confident, but also very commanding.

This is just an example of how the spirit is inside all of us. We just need something to trigger that man inside to take control and dismiss that chump who thinks he controls us.

If there is a point to all this, it's that he hasn't read a book, been to this fantastic web-site or had a single word of advice about DJ skills... and has never experienced success with women. But everything he needed was inside him already.

I'm just taking a stab in the dark now, but maybe it's inside all of us?