To Meet the Right Woman You Must Become the Right Man

by Geoffrey Ross

I still believe in magic when it comes to "matters of the heart."

But only if the approach is sound and founded in reality, not fantasy. The bottom line is we are all basically after the same things. We all want to be loved unconditionally, and told everything is going to be OK. It's just that we all go about attaining these things in different ways.

One of the sad and brutal realities of life is that true love is not a birthright. It is possible to "fall through the cracks" and never cross paths with that special someone during our brief journey through this life.

It's oh so easy to write a laundry list of what we want in a mate. The true test of character, however, is to be able to look in the mirror and use that same laundry list to assess ourselves. Are we our type's type? Or is our "type" simply a fantasy person who is always "out there" somewhere but never materializes?

I've talked to dozens of women over the years and asked them what their "type" is. They usually proceed to describe this sort of wonder man who is a hybrid of JFK and James Bond. I then ask them if they've ever dated someone like this. The answer is no. I then ask them if they've even met someone like this and, of course, the answer is no. In other words their idea of what their type is has nothing in common with the reality of what's attainable for them in this lifetime.

As my father once said to me, "To meet the right person you must become the right person." I think I'm finally starting to understand what Dad meant by that simple yet profound statement.

At some point, hopefully sooner than later, we all might benefit from applying a more realistic and sensible approach to the pursuit of love. That moment will come at different times for each of us. Because at night, when we lay our heads on our pillows and face our moment in the dark, we only have to be honest with one person, ourselves.

As the days and weeks and years pass us by, the state of the dating scene is only getting more challenging and pathetic. Probably the greatest culprit is the misuse of the "C" words. There's a destructive trend in our society that confuses chemistry with compatibility. (Hollywood has sold us a lie.)

I'm starting to think that there's another "C" word that's even more important than the previous two: companionship.

In the final analysis I don't believe there are any absolutes. The thoughts and opinions I've expressed here are both fluid and ever-evolving. I suppose it all starts with "hello" and, from there, let's all have faith that the hands of destiny will lead us to the promised land; a place where fantasy flirts with reality and magic is still alive.

Geoffrey Ross