The Throw Away Compliment

by Chufow

I just recently began reading your articles and tips and really enjoy them. Having seen some of the questions other readers ask, and some of the problems they have with "the ladies," I thought I'd share something that has worked for me time after time.

After all, guys, they outnumber us, they actually control most of the world's wealth (get divorced and see why), and they're generally smarter than us (at least more complicated, sometimes more clever, and almost always more subtle). So, if we're going to win "the game" and get "the prize," we have to help each other.

At least one of the reasons all of us DJ's like the ladies is because they're so fascinating, so intriguing. I find them so much more complex and therefore more interesting to spend time with than with my buddies. Oh, of course, I can do, and sometimes really enjoy, the "guy" things with my male friends, but I generally much prefer the company of the ladies.

I'm an 'older' DJ who has lived and traveled all over the world. My current lady friends range in age from mid-50's to mid-20's. And, what I'm going to share with you here works almost anywhere, regardless of the culture, or the country, and usually regardless of the setting.

It works because women are intriguing creatures and they therefore LOVE things that are, in and of themselves, intriguing. In sales parlance, you might call this technique a "hook."

It's what I call the "throw away compliment," and it can be particularly useful for you more shy and less self-confident DJ's. Why? Because it reduces that absolutely awful risk of initial rejection to almost zero, while at the same time leaving a good impression with, and usually some interest on the part of, the lady.

Caution, however, because use of this technique often requires some patience and a little self-discipline. It CAN work during the same time you first meet the lady in question but, since it's a "throw away" technique, it often works to your advantage the NEXT time you see her. Therefore, you should use it when you have the reasonable expectation that you'll see her again, maybe at the same bar or restaurant or hotel lobby, either later in the day or the next day or the next week.

That's where the patience and self-discipline I mentioned earlier comes in. In other words, it CAN but usually DOESN'T work if what you're after is that one night stand pickup for the same evening.

So, you're in a social setting where you have time to observe the crowd and you notice a lady that interests you. Watch her for a few moments and notice something about her that you can compliment.

Pick a time when you can approach her and she's not distracted by somebody or something else, like when the band takes a break or she's not busy talking with someone else or there's some other lull in the pace of whatever's going on. This is because what you're going to do is brief and you want her to be able to really focus on you and what you say, so she will remember it and, therefore, you.

Walk up to her, smile, and say something like this, "Excuse me. My name's Bob (or whatever). I couldn't help noticing your (dancing, outfit, smile, eyes, etc.) and I just wanted to let you know that."

Wait only until she looks at you, maybe smiles and thanks you for the compliment, then say something about her having a good day or a good evening and WALK AWAY.

In two minutes or less, you have minimized any chance of rejection for yourself, let her know you're interested in her, made her notice you, made her feel good about something about herself, left a lingering impression, and been in total control of the situation (which women really like, despite what they might say or how they may act sometimes).

Nine out of ten times, she will at least be -- what did I say? -- INTRIGUED. Why? Because you didn't "hit" on her like other guys do (at least, she won't THINK you did anyway -- although you really did exactly that). Because you didn't ASK for anything -- you just GAVE her a compliment. And because YOU cut off the contact (whereas most women, especially the really attractive ones, are used to having to find a way to break off contact with the guy).

All of these things will make you appear self-confident, different from guys who use this or that pickup line, "safe" to talk to, maybe interesting to be with and therefore -- I hate to say it again but, yes -- intriguing.

If you were getting any eye contact earlier and this technique worked with her, the eye contact should now increase. If you weren't getting any before and you do after using the "throw away compliment," that's another sign that it worked with her. In either case, follow up as you think best.

Or, if you're pretty sure you'll see her again, later that day or that evening or next week, don't follow up at all. Let her wait until the next time. That will make you even more ... No, I just can't say it again.

Good luck in your quest for the best.