The Two Kinds of Women

by Carlos Xuma

I use this title semi-facetiously. There are many kinds of women, as there are so many stars in the night sky. However, there are two camps a woman generally originates from, from those formative years of their childhood. This delineation, while not perfect, gives you an important indicator for your relationship.

These two kinds of women are Stroked and Un-stroked.

This analysis can also translate into many other splits of the female persona, but I believe these two sum up the essence of their behavior. And their behavior is all that we really care about, isn't it?

I used to approach women as if they were all the same, but the reality is that even if they are alike more ways than they are different, we need to have some flexibility in our approach to get results. So, that being said, let me explain these two types.


This woman got her praise and adoring attention as a kid. She was cute enough or loved enough to have established a good sense of self, and she doesn't suffer for adoration. As an adult, she likes hearing a compliment, but she responds more when she doesn't get the immediate gratification from a man. She responds very clearly to Challenge.

She still has holes and a deficit in her self-esteem (what woman or man does not?) but overall she is a bit cocky of her appearance and control over men. She plays the 'games' we're so used to. Testing. Controlling. Hard-to-get. Etc.


This woman never got her fair share of attention and words of praise, either by family or friends (or an ex). She sought to replace it as she got older, but never reclaimed that sense of esteem that she so desires.

As an adult, she is desperate for recognition, in any way it can be had. She responds to men's attention and compliments, and this appreciation can often be addictive. If it is given and then taken away, she will sell her mother into a cult to get it back.

(Also, some of these girls can border on being damaged goods. Frequently, their relationships with one of their parents are bad, and they're still trying to get his/her respect and love, to their dying day.)

Note that this type is a much smaller percentage as a whole. Say, 20% or less.

The Stroked tend to be givers, when provoked enough and managed through the standard strategies of the DJ. They have a storage of love energy in them, ready to share with you, if you'll be a Confident man who can Challenge them along the way. It's their nurturing, loving way.

The Un-Stroked tend to be takers. They have a deficit, an emptiness in their love battery that never quite gets charged. They go through the motions of relationships, knowing that they have to give to get, but they never really have enough to spare. These gals are often in therapy, healing past relationships and managing those anxieties from their past. They require a lot of energy to keep happy.

Sometimes the Un-Stroked are just in a temporary slump, brought on by a bad relationship. Every woman becomes Un-Stroked after a particularly trying relationship they've just been liberated from. They need to focus on themselves and rebuilding a very damaged self-esteem.

In many ways, Stroked and Un-Stroked can also occur as phases that you'll surely encounter them in at some point.

The reason I point these differences to you is that the usual tactics can have misleading affects on the Un-Stroked. They may act contrary to the norm.

Taking a two-steps-forward/one-step-back approach with them often only leaves them standing there, not taking a step back toward you on their own. You're left standing there, puzzled: Why aren't these tactics working? Because these women are not capable of meeting you fairly on the battlefield of Love.

They want you to recharge them, and you may not have the power to do so. I used to wonder at why my strategies and tactics didn't work on them, when it was because they are, for all intensive purposes, just a little crazy. Hence, inconsistent and often contrary reactions can occur.

How do you react to these women?

Quite simply, you NEVER react to a woman. (Sorry, trick question.)

Just be quiet and listen enough at the start to understand which you're dealing with. Listen close, my friend, for the clues and the reality is usually hidden under many layers of capricious behavior and social camouflage.

It's up to you to save yourself from a decision that will either make you very happy or ... trodden and despairing.

Carlos Xuma

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