Don't Lose Your Nerve

by Joseph

What are women attracted to?

I think it can be summarized in one word... NERVE.

Nerve means: courage, steadfastness, calmness under pressure, audacity, self-control, boldness, and a willingness to take risks.

Just think to yourself how hard it is when you tell yourself "I must be confident." Confidence is a positive expectation of success. But, approaching a woman, making a move of any sort, is always a risk. It always entails some degree of uncertainty.

You simply can't know what she will do. All you can do is make sure that you make as good a pick as possible, and give it your best. Phony "confidence" is often kidding yourself that you can tell the future... you can't. It's always a risk.

But, that's just it. Women want a man who is prepared to take a risk, a man with nerve. How else can she know if he is for real?

Look around the animal kingdom. Females choose males that will take risks, that have nerve. Females choose bold males, males willing to risk standing out and being vulnerable (to danger).

To understand why this is, go to your library and find a book by A. Zahavi called "The Handicap Principle." One of the themes of this book is that females face the problem of deciding which males are for real, and which are bluffing. (In humans, this means, among other things, which males will be dependable and which are mere users.)

The only way to sort out the bluffers from the rest is to test them by demanding that they pay some cost or take some risk that a bluffer can't pay (a "handicap").

In simple terms, females test your nerve.

It may help you to keep your nerve by realizing why they must do this. A woman that had sex indiscriminately would end up pregnant and alone (a nightmare!). She would be used and trashed by all sorts of men. Therefore she has to have some way of sorting out the genuine suitors from the potential users.

Knowing this may help you not to take her tests personally, and realize why it is vital for her to do this (and vital for the reproduction of the species, for, in short, the welfare of babies).

But (I hear you say), when I genuinely care about a girl, she rejects me because I come on strong and fail to be a challenge.

Well, think about it, anyone can come on strong early. It is cheap, it pays no cost, takes no risk, spends no precious time. It indicates that you, in your need and indiscrimination, have latched onto her out of desperation.

And what this means is that once your lust is sated, you may tire of her. The truth is, when you come on strong, she has no way of knowing if you will be dependable.

If on the other hand you show her persistent attention without coming on strong, and over a period of time, it shows her that you are willing to take the time (pay the cost) necessary to get close to her.

But, that takes nerve. She'll test you to see if you'll break into a tantrum, or if you'll chicken out and start avoiding her, or if you'll get petulant when she pretends not to see you, or to see if you'll start pretending that you aren't really attracted to her (to guard yourself against getting hurt, i.e., losing your nerve)... and so on.

You've got to keep your nerve. Don't "lose it" in any fashion. Just keep on being pleasantly attentive, to her and gradually upping the ante, but without "chasing her" (i.e., being needy).

Write it on a piece of cardboard. Put it in your shirt pocket. Take it out to read it when "she" does something unexpected that upsets you...