Tips for Geeks

by Joseph

As I've gotten older and looked back on the mistakes that I've made with girls, I've realized that a lot of it came down to being a highly logical person, your classic science/math/computer type. In short, a "geek".

If you fit into this category, then you probably have quite a few problems with women. Here's some tips to help you with the special problems that "geeks" face.

(1) We logical types have a powerful drive to explain things, we have an insatiable curiosity. One of the problems with this is that when we are interested in a woman we tend to start trying to explain her behavior to ourselves, we start to try to explain why she did what when and so on. This can't work.

Why? Because a woman's interest in a man is not a fixed quantity. It goes up or down depending on all kinds of things.

You can never really say "she's really interested in me" or "she's not interested in me" because half the time this is a meaningless question. With women it's nearly always "might be...".

If you are a logical type, this is maddening; you want a clear cut answer. But it just isn't like that.

She can be interested in you, then you do something that she finds unattractive, and she isn't interested in you. Or, she isn't interested in you, and you do something that unexpectedly impresses her, and suddenly she's interested in you. You chase her, she's not interested, you back off, she gets interested. Women are "fluid" in their emotions.

Here's an analogy that you should understand if you are a science type: men are to classical physics as women are to quantum physics. That is, men are "determinate" and women "indeterminate".

A man's attraction to a woman is quick to come about and relatively fixed. A woman's attraction to a man is fluid and indeterminate... in fact it's indeterminate right up until when she says "I do".

In quantum physics it is meaningless to say what "state" a system is in until it is measured/tested. It's the same with women. My present girlfriend says that she didn't expect anything to happen before we kissed. She didn't know her own feelings until they were tested.

What this means is:

(i) You can't expect too much. She can change her mind very quickly and in her own mind she doesn't feel like she lead you on, because until something has happened, then (in her mind) nothing has happened!

(ii) Don't give up too easily. Just because she isn't panting over you, doesn't mean she won't respond to you. You have to try and see (and be ready to back off if she isn't receptive).

(iii) You are playing a mugs game if you try to figure her out. It is an insoluble problem, without a meaningful answer. And if you persist on it, then that is the road to obsession.

And all this isn't just my impressions. Social scientists studying human courtship have described female receptivity as "protean". Mixed signals are the norm because her feelings are mixed.

(2) Being a logical type, you're out of touch with your feelings.

Getting together with a woman is really about getting in tune with her. It's about feeling the vibe that she is sending you, it's intuitive.

You have to learn to relax, stop trying to logically interpret her behavior, and let your inborn instincts come into play. Let yourself feel what the mood is.

Here's a big hint on how to do this.

Let's say you are interacting with a girl and she's being warm and friendly to you. Now, check your inner state, how do you feel? If you are a logical type you're probably only aware of a combination of lust and nerves. Try to look past that, that's just your own desires and insecurities speaking.

What you want to do is relax and try to get in tune with what emotion you are feeling in response to her signals to you. Here's a quick guide:

(i) If you feel frustrated and pent up, she's teasing. Back off.

(Don't worry, this is quite rare, and usually only happens with immature women that are both attracted to you and apprehensive at the same time, so they flirt whilst maintaining a barrier between you. She probably isn't doing it deliberately. Back off, be patient, relax, let her come to trust you, don't act on your frustrations).

(ii) You feel a light happy feeling. This is pretty good, but it doesn't mean too much. Something might happen, but it's really just a "friendly" vibe, so don't think too much of it.

(iii) She's flirting with you and you feel a "warm fuzzy" feeling. This is EXCELLENT. When you make eye contact and you feel this, it's really good. You feel sort of shy, sort of coy, but relaxed and warm at the same time. You feel a bit vulnerable.

(iv) You feel as per the "warm fuzzy" feeling as above, but now you are sort of in a state sort of transfixed gaze, your eyes losing focus slightly. You feel like you are "melting". If you are up close and looking into each others eyes and you feel this, it's time to lean in toward her and see if she holds her ground or moves toward you, kiss her.

(v) If you are feeling no vibe at all, just a sort of panic that nothing is happening, it means NOTHING'S HAPPENING.

Inexperienced men try to make something happen at this point. You can't do that. You have to back off. Only do something when the mood or vibe is right. With experience you'll know what this is.