The Casual Coffee Date

by James Smith

I find that women tend to be presumptuous of a man's interest in them. They tend to assume that just because he has approached her, or asked to see her, that he wants sex or a relationship.

This makes women back off if they think the man will ask them for too much too soon.

I have also found that women tend to like the man to be easy and casual at first, projecting a sense of mystery about himself and what he is about. They tend to enjoy not knowing what is going to happen next and enjoy healthy spontaneity, and they also do not like the man to come on too strong.

With that understanding I have come up with a successful approach that addresses all the above issues, and has resulted in me having literally an over 70% success rate in getting women to agree to get together with me.

When I meet a new woman, I suggest that I find her interesting and would like to find out more about her and get to know her better over a casual coffee.

Now this does not imply I want sex or a relationship, or that I am desperate. But conveys a casual interest and a curiosity in me for her. Also I am not asking her for a dramatic and serious dinner and a movie, which implies a "relationship-oriented" type of date, which is not what I want nor what you want to convey.

The point being that she is not really sure what I want or whether I am really interested in her fully as yet. And it conveys to her that perhaps she needs to prove to me that she is worthy of my further interest. This puts her indeed on her best behavior to try and impress me.

The other part of this approach is that she is not sure where this will go. A casual coffee date can lead to anything, which I find tends to excite women and leads to the possibility of some spontaneous action.

Another important part is this, since the date is casual you do not feel obligated to kiss her or have any follow-up plans if she does not meet what you are looking for.

The last and most important part is that both you and her can relax and have fun and not feel like you are expected to do or be anything that you are not. I have found that being able to generate this sort of feeling of ease tends to speed things up between as we both know that the one will not ask the other for anything without it seeming appropriate for the moment.

While on the coffee "date" I find it's extremely rewarding to hold back your desire for her and just focus on getting to know her. In most cases she will suggest a follow-up activity or agree to see you again. And here, the key seems to be to agree and take her up on her advances and suggestions.

I have found that even if she expressed any hesitation to see me at the beginning, that tends to melt away after I suggest just a casual coffee and she has a chance to spend time with me.

A woman's interest tends to grow slowly, as opposed to rising quickly like a man's. And positioning yourself this way allows you to spend time with her and allows you to grow on her. And this seems irrespective of whether she has a boyfriend, husband or "is just not looking for a relationship right now."

In summary I say to women, "Hey, it was great meeting you. You seem very interesting and I would like to find out more about you over a casual coffee next Tuesday at 6:00. How about that?"

Then just stay easy and relaxed and let things happen on their own.