Love Is Conditional

by James

Love is conditional.

If love is unconditional, what the heck is causing all the divorces?

How I feel about the way you treat me is going to determine how I respond to you. If I feel good because of your actions towards me, then I am going to try to make you feel the same way. You are going to do the same for me. True?

If at some point I no longer feel good about the way you treat me, I may tell you or I may continue trying to make you feel good in hopes that things will change, but at some point if things have not gone back to the way they were, I am going to stop trying. And then where is the relationship?

People who believe in everlasting, unconditional love are deluding themselves with a dangerous fantasy. Why? Because they believe that if their girlfriend loves them at the start of the relationship, then her emotions will never change.

They are the ones most likely to take their significant other's feelings for granted and therefore quit doing the things that at the beginning of the relationship made them successful.

They withdraw affection, quit with the surprises and spontaneity, let the sex get boring, stop dating their wives, etc. These are the ones shocked as hell when she suddenly breaks it off... the ones oblivious to the hints along the way: spending less time together, more frequent arguing, nagging, canceling plans, missing dates, criticism, less sex, etc.

They are also more likely to not get over a girlfriend that dumped them. Why? Because they think that somewhere deep inside of her heart, she still loves him. There is still a chance. If they could just have a little time together, it would reemerge and everything would be just like it was at the beginning of their relationship.


Once she dumps you, it is gone forever. Don't try to rekindle it. Move on.

If you are just starting a new relationship, keep doing the things that are making you successful. If you and she both respect the fact that feelings, including love, can and do change based on how one is treated, you will never become complacent.