Are You a Sensualist?

by Donald Swinburne

Want to make a woman think about you in a sexual way? Eat your food as if you were making love to her.

Really, this should be a no-brainer. It's common sense to understand that a woman forms an image of us by observing the way we stand, walk, talk, behave. Certainly, an activity as potentially sensual as eating will - consciously or unconsciously - make an imprint in her mind regarding what sort of sensual being you are.

Every month, Esquire magazine runs a feature called "10 Things You Don't Know About Women" written by a female guest contributor. A couple of months ago, it was writer Ilene Rosenzweig. Her final item in her list of 10 stated: "We analyze your sexual potential at mealtime. Eat slow."

Let me repeat that point: women analyze our sexual potential by the way we eat. Stop wolfing your food!

Most of us can swing a dinner date, especially if we downplay its importance. (The old ploy "I happen to have a gift-certificate for two to La Banquetiotta . . . would you like to join me?" works well here, if necessary.)

Be decisive in ordering; in other words, no hemming or hawing about what to have. This impresses women. And if she asks your advice, by all means offer her one or two suggestions; and then make the decision for her if she asks your help (and ONLY if she asks).

When served, remember to utilize all the senses as you savor the meal (the same way you will savor her body). Notice the colors, the texture, the smells. Show her that you are a sensualist.

Moan with pleasure over the taste, then offer her a sample of yours. She will likely reciprocate, and hopefully by extending a bite on her fork. Trust me, the shared enjoyment of food is powerfully effective on a woman.

A couple other good alternatives to the restaurant: a picnic, or see if she is the type that enjoys cooking for a man and hint that you'd like an invite. (You: "My grandma used to make the most delicious meatloaf, and I haven't had any like it in years." Her: "Oh! I have the BEST meatloaf recipe." You: "Really? Gosh, I'd love to taste it sometime, I bet it's fantastic." Her: "Well....why don't I fix it for you? Are you free tomorrow night?" Say yes, and offer to bring a NICE bottle of wine.)

You should also bear in mind that there are many instances where you may find yourself dining with an attractive lass you don't know, or at least haven't asked out as yet. This is a PERFECT opportunity to strike up a conversation ("Mmmmm, this chicken is delicious, isn't it?") and use it to segue into a date invite. ("Have you ever had the chicken au vin at La Banquettoria? No? Oh, I'll have to take you there, it's EXCELLENT.")

Final note: Ilene Rosenzweig is a wonderful source on dating tips (and hopefully she'll write a book on the subject some day). She is the woman who finally snares writer Rick Marin, in his memoir of his years spent as a serial seducer, "Cad: The Confessions of a Toxic Bachelor."

After they view some film of Frank Sinatra performing with the Rat Pack, she tells Marin that Sinatra's appeal is his ability to be vulnerable, goofy, and macho all at the same time. (I think Mel Gibson is another example of someone who pulls this off well.) Anyway, she says that the combination of those traits is very masculine and very attractive to women. Food for thought.

I highly recommend this book to all DJ's, by the way. "Cad" is the autobiography of a man who is described by an ex-girlfriend as looking like "Bart Simpson's friend Millhouse" - yet manages to sleep with a never-ending array of women over a period of several years.


Donald Swinburne