Gaining a Woman's Trust

by Don

A few easy steps to gain the trust of any woman:

1) Open with common ground.

If the woman you would like to meet is friends with your mate, go and ask her how they know each other, or if you are at a gig, ask which bands she is into. Common ground is perfect for strangers to meet each other as they know that small talk generally will not be an issue, particularly if you are passionate about a certain event or area of interest which will give you both a lot to talk about.

Sometimes it can be tricky doing this, but the trick is, not to dwell too long on what to say or you will ruin it. Something spontaneous about the color of their hair or what they have ordered to drink or something will work fine. Then, hopefully, the surroundings/you mutual interests will give you sufficient material to work with.

In general, and through conversation, women will easily spot if you really are interested in the topic of discussion or just them. If they can sense you are interested in the topic in hand, and not just getting into their pants, they ought to find you more interesting. The trick here is to actually be interested in something.

My personal passions in life are music (generally heavy metal and classical - I am a trained singer and musician), football (or 'soccer' over in the US), history and art. You can tailor this to your advantage by going to events where women of a similar interest will be. For example: a Metallica gig or a 'rock night' at your local joint, an art exhibition, take up an art evening class or go to a football match. Simple.

Whereas if I were to attend a ballet class or performance, I wouldn't have the foggiest and so would have very little information personally to chat to others about since I don't know anything about ballet which would rule out 'common ground' in this particular situation.

2) Eye contact.

This is vital to the concept of gaining a woman's trust as it inspires confidence in ones self and in her, even if you do not necessarily have a great posture. Eyes convey emotion and just by the simple act of making eye contact with her, you show her that you are a man capable of gaining a personal connection with her as well as an emotional one.

Generally, what works for me is to dart your own eyes around hers whilst talking which will keep her interested as well as holding her gaze. Obviously do not stare her out and do obviously take time out briefly to look about. And maybe a quick look at her lips to suggest the possibility of romance. This will keep her interest focused on YOU since she has your full attention.

3) Listen to her.

This will only work if you have an interesting and talkative woman who is interested in you and not plain boring. Now we wouldn't want to date boring girls now would we lads, eh? She needs to be able to hold her own in a conversation.

We have all been there - you open a woman with a conversation and she just doesn't really talk back or elaborate nor have an opinion of her own. My advice would be to find someone else and NOT date her. If she cannot respond in a social situation, think what you might have to go through when you are just one on one.

However, for these girls who do have some life about them and are interested in you and can actually hold a conversation, listening is the key. This shows that you are willing to listen and creates a feeling in her that you are an empathetic person who would be willing to take her opinions seriously. It also provides ammunition to keep refueling the conversation as you can share personal experiences.

It is much easier if you actually listen and take into account what her personal experiences actually are, which would give you easy openers for future dialogue.

If you get stuck, remember the 5 Ws and H - Who, What, When, Where, Why and How. For example:

Her: I went to a gig last night.

You: Oh yeah. Who was playing/where at/who did you go with/why did you go and see them?

4) Smiling.

This sends a message of confidence out to everyone and shows that you are positive and fun to be with. Women will see that and respond to it. Also it shows that you probably have a sense of humor, which is what most women find attractive. No one likes being round a misery guts.

You can smile at her to get her attention or, if a guy has just made a fool of himself in front of you both, you can give her one of those 'knowing' smiles. Or you can smile just to be friendly. Don't beam the whole time through as she might think that you are a bit weird.

Smile a lot when you are engaged in conversation with her as it is part of the method of attraction. Don't ask me why - it just is. I find that smiling and looking at her lips will often make her smile too which sends a message that she feels happy when around you.

If you are not a particularly funny person, buy a few comedy DVDs and watch them loads of times and gradually, you will come to know what to say in the situation to raise a laugh... simply through familiarity with comedy and what it takes to be funny. Also, make a note of what makes you laugh personally during animated discussion. This will also likely be funny to her.

Smiling also makes a woman feel safe and, most importantly, comfortable in your presence, which will be key to setting up a future meeting. If she ain't comfortable in your presence socially, there is hardy any chance of a one on one later on.

5) Know when to get serious in conversation.

The wonderful gift of empathy is a key factor. If she is talking about how her dog died last week or the artistic and philosophical merit of Lucian Freud, she probably won't like a daft response of something taking the mickey out of her beliefs nor a lack of sensitivity. In casual conversation, yes - be funny by taking the mickey about her or someone else in some light hearted way.

However, when she is talking about a bad experience or something, you have to be prepared to agree with her, comfort her, or maybe share a bad experience of your own. This is what trust is essentially all about. It helps to create a common bond and a bond of trust with her. It also shows you are sensitive, reliable, emotional, human and caring which are dating requirements these days, though not in a wussy way.

I often find that getting a number is also generally speaking a serious matter. It shows that you want to commit and are certainly interested in a relationship if the other factors have gone right.

6) Hugging.

Subconsciously linked to the family, hugging creates a physical bond and also a comforting and stable action. However, only do this in the right situation. You'll get your cue if you listen or even when saying goodbye or hello.

As with anything, you really have to mean a lot of this stuff and gaining a person's trust is often a very personal thing. And generally, this is for people looking for a relationship. False trust can often lead to a greater fall out when she only realizes you want to get in her knickers for a night and then jump ship. My advice is generally if one is looking for a long term thing.

As with all these things, not one of these alone will work - it has to be a number of factors for the package to come together. It is really quite simple and when you meet the right girl, you will often find that you do most of these things anyway.


Look her quickly up and down, make a flirtatious remark, give her a little compliment and make sure you ask for a date (going for a coffee is the ideal one). Do this pretty early on so she gets a good idea where this is going.

Remember, once she has your trust, then she will be fully ready for a relationship provided that she had an inkling that that was your original intention in meeting her. If it doesn't work first time or with certain women, move on, because you probably wouldn't wanna end up dating them anyway. Even if they are as fit as Jessica Alba.

Happy hunting gentlemen...

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