Image Matters

by Erik Prete

While what is 'beautiful' or 'sexy' is subjective, there IS a correlation between appearance and how attractive you are.

This has less to do with the final 'product' being evaluated and everything to do with the evidence that thought and care has been put into appearance.

If you approach a woman, especially one who thinks about her appearance AT ALL (yep, they do that), and you are oblivious to your own appearance, the woman will be insulted. Why? Because she thinks you think she is easy. Why? You seem to think you do not have to offer her anything back in return for her efforts.

Most women spend way too much time and money on appearance. Pick up a women's magazine -- it may shock you.

You do not have to go to those lengths, but you need to put SOME effort in.

The delusions are great:

My best buddy had all the ladies 'back in school', when most of us were very conscious of self-image. He is getting no action now that he is more relaxed and self-assured and less concerned with image. This seems to make no sense but it's true. What is going on!?

He doesn't think about his appearance or body unless he ALREADY HAS A DATE, and he's not getting any younger or fitter. He comes off as slovenly (lazy slob), unmotivated, and oblivious to other people entirely.

You all know to preen or 'work it' for a job interview, and you probably know to "look your best" for a date.

But you need to put some more effort in. Maybe not round the clock, just when you shop and do 'hygienic' things.

The excuses for coming off like a slob are many:

"I want to be genuine" or "I want her to see the real me". Bull.

I am not saying you all have to become vain metrosexuals. Hell No!

But you need to look like you have put some thought into your appearance.

There is a reason a large portion of women turn their heads when gay men walk by. Gay men are woman's unobtainable perfect ten myth -- women really believe that if he 'looks good', by which they often mean "groomed and coordinated" he's probably gay.

So if you, a man who likes women, groom yourself and think about 'what your clothing says', you will command attention.

Might I add that appearance has been considered important in military circumstances for eons? From the discipline and display of unity represented by uniforms, to the intimidation and spirit of the blue face paint, Tartans, and beards of Mel Gibson's Braveheart...

And if you go to a sports event, rock concert, or geek-convention, your fandom dictates that you expend effort on props and costumes.

So, if it works to psych you up, or express you loyalty in these 'macho' spaces, why not try the tactic in your pursuit of women?

AGREED? Read on.

First, forget everything you know from your mother about preening being uncomfortable. You want to be comfortable.

There is no single 'look' you are going for. What you do should match your lifestyle and what you stand for. If you do not put any effort in, that's going to give her the message that you do not have a life.

If you are a professional, you can look at how to communicate that in your leisure time too. You want a put together look, super-clean, attention to detail, and high quality fabrics.

If you like the outdoors or are a drifter, you may want to purposefully wear clothes that are weather versatile (high or low tech), have many pockets (for gear), and come in 'natural' earth-tones.

If you like to have fun and party, consider wearing brighter colors. If you are a 'rebel', you want the bells and whistles: tattoos, piercings, etc.

Or, let's say you are into radical politics. (I choose this one to prove that there is always a preferred or recognized appearance that expresses your values.) If you are a 'radical', you want to sport things that you've made yourself or mended. You want to emphasize your hair and do something easy to manage and yet purposefully 'unkempt' (dreads, tussled look, beards).

Point is, all groups have a different idea of 'what looks good', but you want to say something about who you are with your choice of grooming and clothing.

Wearing T-shirts of the bands you like is okay, but not great.


Spend a little time figuring out what makes YOU look good. You may need a female friend or dude who knows his feminine side to help you here. Could you benefit from a different haircut or skin product? Can you make yourself seem taller, or slimmer?

Give daily appearance just a little bit more attention.

If you do this, you stand out, are instantly more attractive and interesting, and then by paying attention to HER, you flatter her.

Otherwise you are still saying something loud and clear:

"Lady, you are not worth any effort, and neither am I!"

Image isn't everything, but it matters!

You knew this is in high school by instinct (if you were popular). Business men know it. Military savants know it. Your favorite musicians know it.

Now you know it.

If you do not use this tip, no pick up tricks in the world will get a woman who respects herself to date you.

Erik Prete