Keep a Dating Notebook
Not too long ago I was trying to find a new way to advance my learning in the ways of a DJ. I've studied most of the relevant material, been active on the forum, and have gradually been getting better and better with women.
In every failed relationship, whether it was a few dates or 6 months or longer, two things came into play to screw things up:
- A failure on my part to keep being a DJ with her over time.
- A failure on my part to recognize the woman's bad attitude and dump her before getting past 60 days.
I got a spiral notebook and started writing. I went through all the women I've dated in the past two years since I started reading this stuff, starting with the most recent because it's freshest in my memory. For each woman there are two lists that I made:
- My mistakes with so-and-so.
- So-and-so's bad qualities that I ignored.
The list of my mistakes in relationships was the most striking because several of them kept re-appearing in every list. I remember Doc Love's claim that if he could interview your last 10 girlfriends, they'd all give the same reasons for getting rid of you. Now I could see that it's true!
The good news is that I apparently make fewer mistakes with each successive girl, which shows that I'm learning. However, it was never so clear to me as it is now. I've managed to find things I've been doing that I never realized before and probably would have denied doing because they were so blatantly dumb.
The list of bad qualities I've ignored in women was also striking because a lot of the same things came up with different girls. You know how when you get over an especially painful breakup, you look back and say "what the hell was I doing with her in the first place?" You'll say it more than ever after making this list!
The next step was for me to list the red-flags and indicators of certain behaviors in women so that next time I won't be too blinded by my interest level to recognize them. So instead of being vague and saying "she was very insecure," I'd add "she was calling me twice a day after only a few weeks which is a red-flag indicating insecurity and neediness." So next time it happens I'll be more aware and realize that I may need to get rid of her.
The culmination of my notebook was preparing a section listing my "self-improvement plan," i.e. the things I need to change and improve about myself in order to stop making the same mistakes with women. This is also something I can refer back to whenever I'm dating someone who I have high interest in and make sure I'm not doing the same dumb things.
The second section was a description of my ideal woman, much like the "The Relationship Begins Before You Meet Her" article at the site. But this time I used the list of all my ex's bad qualities to narrow it down even more. For example, one chick was psycho due to her mother's bad parenting as a kid and up to this day. So I added, "she must get along well with her parents" to my list of requirements.
At the moment I'm dating a few different women and things are going better than ever thanks to the fact that I keep my notebook handy and refer to it before and after every date. I highly recommend this to everyone, no matter how far advanced you are in your mastery of DJ skills!