The Secret of Getting Women to Approach You

by Ron Louis & David Copeland

Men often ask us...

"How can I get women to approach me, or to talk to me?"

While there is no single answer, you can make it easier for women to approach you, and make things easier for women whom you approach, by having "flair."

Please note, there is a difference between "flair" and "a flare." When you have flair, there is something unusual and interesting about you and about your style that gives women something to talk to you about, which makes it easier for women to approach you and talk to you.

On the other hand, when you have "a flare", you have a device used to produce a light signal, and calling for help, such as a railroad flare.

When we advise you to "Do things with flair," we mean have some unusual, personal style. We do NOT mean, "Do things with a flare," as in setting things on fire. If you are going to do things with a flare, we don't know want to know about them.

Now that we have the enforced hilarity out of the way, we can talk about "flair."

An item of flair is something unusual about you, that makes you easier to approach, and gives your approacher something to talk with you about.

What counts as flair? Anything that expresses your personal style, that you think is cool, is not frightening to the women you are interested in attracting, and that gives women something to talk with you about. It will vary from man to man, but here are some examples:

Our friend Joe keeps his hair dyed bright blue. It wouldn't work for us - in fact, it would look ridiculous on Ron Louis or David Copeland - but it really looks good on him. And women love it, and talk to him about it, out of the blue (no pun intended), all the time. It's his personal flair.

People often use tattoos as flair, although tattoos are so common now that they don't work as well as they used to. Also, people tend to think of tattoos as more personal, so are less likely to ask about them.

Flair doesn't have to be a big deal. A strange tee shirt, or a button, can be inviting and interesting and qualify as flair.

We know one man who goes out to bars wearing a tee-shirt which says, in very small letters, "Have sex with me tonight." He has a great sense of humor and is able to take joking about it, and it most certainly starts conversations with women (as well as alienating many women who wouldn't sleep with him that night, helping him focus on the ones who might).

A strange, provocative, or unusual button or pin can have the same kind of effect. Younger men often use facial or other piercings as flair. These piercings are a way of inviting curiosity and conversations with the kind of women they want to meet.

You can also carry a flair item.

Skaters who carry skateboards give women something to talk with them about: "What is skateboarding like? Is it dangerous? Where do you do it?"

We've found that even carrying and publicly using a sexy new laptop, like one of the very small Sonys or anything from Apple, also gives woman an excuse to talk to you. "What is it like? I was thinking of buying one," and so on.

At the Sam Adams Summer Jam last week, David Copeland experimented with having a bit more flair - he got an intricate Indian design tattooed on his hand with henna. Now, henna tattoos only last a couple of weeks, so it wasn't a big commitment - but he immediately found that it was a flair item that works for him.

"Women came up to me and asked me about it," he says now. "Dalene Kurtis, the Playboy Playmate of the year, grabbed my hand to look at it, and talked to me about it." It's an excellent example of flair attracting the kind of women he was looking for.

A person with "flair" is an inviting person. After all, you don't put a henna tattoo on your hand or bright blue dye in your hair if you don't want to talk to people, and only want to be left alone.

In a certain way, living with flair makes you into an invitation to people. This has upsides and downsides. The upside is, when you have some item of flair that people can talk with you about, women you are attracted to are more likely to talk with you. The downside is, when you have some item of flair that people can talk with you about, women you are profoundly NOT attracted to are more likely to talk with you, too.

This is really the same problem that women face when they get all dolled up and put on that wonder-bra when they go out: they attract as many men who disgust them as they do men they like. If you have flair, you will get into more conversations with all sorts of people. On the whole, this will be good.

So how do you find your flair?

It's a quest, because good flair is an expression of you. For some men, finding your flair is easy, and, now that you are thinking about it, you can just go do it today.

It may be a matter of thinking something like, "I always wanted those really weird glasses frames - I think I'll go get them!"

Other men, especially men who haven't thought about their style much, may have to experiment with a number of style-oriented changes before they find some flair. Fundamentally, we suggest you look at other men, and ask yourself, "What do I think is cool?" Then experiment with those possible cool changes to your own look and style.

Eventually you will find what works, and women will be attracted!

About the Author: Ron and David are dating coaches. Their book How to Succeed With Women has sold over 40,000 copies. They have been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Playboy, YM, Maxim, GQ UK, Swank, Gallery, and Players. They have also been on the Rosanne Barr Show, the Issac Hays show, To Tell the Truth, Fox News, CNN, UPN, and ABC. For more great tips on meeting and dating women or to ask a question go to