When Should You Ask For a Woman's Phone Number?
Dear Ron and David,
Oftentimes, I can't figure out how fast to move with a woman — when should I ask for the phone number, or how quickly I should ask her out. It seems like I'm always realizing that I missed my chance (again), and will never see a certain woman again.
How can I decide when I have to ask a woman for her number?
It sounds like you need some guidance about when you need to risk with women.
Asking a woman for a date, for her phone number, or for her email address is always risky. You are having a hard time figuring out how big a risk you must take, and how quickly you must take it. Because you can't tell how much you should risk and how quickly you should risk it, you miss important opportunities.
When you interact with women, you need to keep a closer eye on just how urgent the situation is.
Every man has had a wonderful woman walk out of his life forever because he wasn't conscious of how urgent it was to take a risk with her right then. Men have also blown it by risking too fast with women, and scaring them off.
Understanding the three time frames of an interaction with a woman will help keep that from happening to you again.
You Only Have a Few Minutes
In this situation you only have a few minutes (or a few seconds, even) to make contact.
You are on the train, or you are in line, and this is your one and only chance. You are in line with a woman, you say hi to her, and it leads to a conversation, you have to get her number or email address right then. If you blow it, she is going to be literally gone.
In this situation you have to cut to the chase quickly. You have to risk a lot to get her phone number or email address, or it's all over.
You Have a Few Hours
This is a situation like an all-day seminar, a party, or a work-related activity, where you know she is going to be around for a little while.
You can risk with her over time. You don't have to risk it all right away — you can afford to wait, and to take small risks with her over a few hours, rather than having to take a really big risk all at once.
You Can Reliably Have Interactions Over Days, Weeks, or More
This is the waitress you can go back and see over and over, or the woman in your Aerobics class who always works out at 5pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
You can risk much more slowly with these women, and build a connection over time, because you know you will see them again and again.
The power of knowing about these three time frames is that it gives you the power of knowing how much you have to risk, and how quickly you have to risk it. It gives you a "reality-check" about what you absolutely must do next if you want the woman.
If you are putting gasoline into your car, and the woman next to you is attractive and you want to talk to her, then you had better risk a lot right then, because she is about to disappear from your life.
On the other hand, if that same woman shows up at an eight-week class you are taking, you don't have to risk big right away by going for her phone number or email address. You can risk big if you want, but you can also take smaller risks, and seduce her over time.
You can also look at this like it is a "risk spectrum." You have to take more risk when you ask for the number of a woman you are in line with than you risk in getting her number over time, like when you see her twice a week in your aerobics class, for instance.
Hopefully this will help you evaluate your situation, and take appropriate action!
This topic, and much more about taking risks with women, is covered extensively in our new book How to Talk to Women.