How to Motivate Yourself When You're Down and Lonely

by Ron Louis & David Copeland

Question:  I know I should do more "niche work" to meet women, but I get so down and lonely the idea of going out just seems impossible. It just seems too hard. What should I do?

Answer:  For readers who might not know, "niche work" is the work you do, on a regular basis, to get yourself involved in situations or communities that contain women with whom you can interact.

It's volunteering at the coop every week, taking the dance class, or joining the outing club. Niche work puts you in contact with groups of women and gives you a reason to talk with them. It's a fundamental part of being an effective seducer. To find out more about niche work, go here.

The problem is, you most need to do your niche work when you are lonely and isolated. At the same time, when you are most lonely and isolated is the *hardest* time to do niche work. If you are feeling down, you need some sort of pleasure, connection, or recreation to cheer you up.

Doing niche work--going someplace new, and being with a group of strangers in the hopes of meeting women--seems about as far from pleasure, connection and recreation that you can get. So you end up lying on your couch instead of getting out meeting women. What to do?

The answer is this: You must find things that feed your needs for pleasure, connection, and recreation, and give them to yourself consistently in your life. If you don't, we are sorry to have to tell you that you will stay in the situation you are in now: needing to do niche work, but so upset that the difficulty of the niche work itself stops you from even starting.

You can fulfill your needs for pleasure, connection, and recreation by paying attention to two things: the details of your experiences in your life, and what feels good to your body. This may seem irrelevant, but if you can't bring yourself pleasure, you won't be able to get the women in front of you, or attract them sexually when you do.

First, you can pay attention to details to add more pleasure to your life.

As I started writing this, I was sitting comfortably, but I wasn't feeling very motivated. I didn't want to work, I wanted to do something pleasurable and relaxing. Rather than eating a Snicker's Bar or drinking a beer to add that sense of pleasure into my life, I created more pleasure by taking my laptop computer out on the back porch of my home, and now am sitting with my feet up, my shirt off, drinking tea, and basking in the sunny, 72-degree weather we are having today.

By making all the details just right (rather than sitting at my office desk in the dark, for instance), I am making my self feel good and feeding my need for pleasure and recreation. This will make it easier to do my niche work, because I will have had my needs for sensual pleasure at least partially filled.

My batteries will be recharged, and I'll be able to go to the niche I have planned for tonight. I'll be able to interact with women in a seductive way, without feeling desperate to get some sort of pleasure *from* them. This will make me more successful.

You can always look at the details of the experiences of your life and ask, "how can I make this more enjoyable?" This will charge you up, and make it easier to go after meeting women.

Second, you can look at the question, "what feels good to my body?"

If you are getting physical pleasure needs at least partially met somewhere else, you won't be desperate for sex around women when you are in your niches, and it will make it easier to develop sexual relationships.

Find physical activities that give you pleasure. It might be getting a massage, rollerblading, doing yoga, hiking, whatever gives your body enjoyment and good feelings. If it is unpleasant to you, or feels like punishment, it doesn't count.

The great thing about doing activities that give your body pleasure is that they can often be turned into niche work. You like yoga--take a yoga class! Suddenly you are doing your niche work and even enjoying it!

Another benefit of consciously doing these activities with yourself is that it builds the same muscle you need to romance women. If you are going to successfully romance women, you need to be able to create situations that feel good to her and that feed *her* need for connection and pleasure.

The better you can do it for yourself, the better you can do it for her, and the more likely you are to get sex. And the more likely you are to do your niche work in the first place.

Best of luck!

About the Author: Ron and David are dating coaches. Their book How to Succeed With Women has sold over 40,000 copies. They have been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Playboy, YM, Maxim, GQ UK, Swank, Gallery, and Players. They have also been on the Rosanne Barr Show, the Issac Hays show, To Tell the Truth, Fox News, CNN, UPN, and ABC. For more great tips on meeting and dating women or to ask a question go to howtosucceedwithwomen.com.