The 8 Dating Myths

by Ron Louis & David Copeland

Let's face it, dating sucks.

It sucks to be rejected by hot and sexy babes, and it sucks to be alone. It sucks to be so nervous around a woman that you babble incoherently, and it is even worse to act like a stud and have her slap you in front of your buddies.

So what is the solution?

Get out, date, deal with the inevitable rejections, have fun, and learn about the machinery in your own head that leads to trouble and failure with women.

When it comes to dating, most men are run by myths, misconceptions, and denial of their power as men. Understanding the myths and the solutions will leaves you free to flirt and date women, and more importantly create the sex life you have always wanted.

I have listed a few dating myths that will begin to shed light on your most intimate dating troubles. These are complied from "How to Succeed With Women" - the best-selling book I co-wrote, published by Simon Shuster in 1998.

So wake up, smell the coffee, pay attention, and you may just learn something. Even if you act like a know it all, we know the truth: YOU DON'T! You have bought into some of these myths and they have caused you trouble somewhere down the road.

Myth #1 - You have to be a politician, millionaire, athlete, or blessed by god to get hot dates.

Guys love to believe that they don't have what it takes to get laid. Most men use their lack of success as an excuse for not dating and pursuing the women they really want. These men blame the system, society, social issues, and economic realities for the lack of sex, not the man in the mirror. While being in a position of power or being a rock star will obviously get you a large pool of women to draw from, you too can get the hot women if you heed my advice.

Here is the good news and the bad news. The good news: there are hot and sexy women available to you tonight. After personally surveying hundreds of women, most are looking for a man like you, a normal guy with normal desires and a normal job. The bad news: you have to work to get women. It won't happen by you staying home complaining about it.

The point is that you have what it takes to get women when you understand what the game is.

Repeat after me, "Dating is simply a numbers game." You flirt with x number of women and that will result in x number of conversations which will lead to x number of coffee dates which will lead to sleeping with x number. The work for you is to reduce what "x" is.

To date means flirting with women and initiating conversations with women. Figure out the number ahead of time and then create a plan to go out and meet and talk to women. The process is simple if you are willing to create a step by step plan and follow it.

Myth #2 - Just be nice and interesting enough and you'll get a woman.

This is another horrible myth promoted by SNAGS (sensitive new age guys) and feminist men. Believing that being nice and interesting will work is one of the worst ideas promoted over the past 20 years. Do you really think women are looking for "nice" guys anyway? (The answer is an emphatic no.)

The bottom line is that women want to be SEDUCED and ROMANCED. Most men think that if they like a woman, and she says that he is "sweet," "interesting," or "a wonderful friend," that he is moving the relationship towards romance and sex. This is dead wrong.

The reason why is because women will either put you into the category of "friend" or "lover," but not both. When you are nice and interesting a woman will likely put you into the category of friend, but not lover.

If you don't believe this, just look around at all the jerks who have sex with the hottest women. Women certainly are not having sex with these guys in every position imaginable because they are interesting, intellectually stimulating, and polite. No, these women are hot and heavy because these men are exciting, romantic, fun, and even a bit dangerous.

The solution: don't give up being interesting and nice. That too would be a fatal error. The solution is to bring out other parts of your personality with a woman. Bring out the romantic part and let that guide you in sweeping a woman off her feet. Get into her shoes and figure out what would turn her on and excite her.

If you find yourself spending time discussing fascinating topics, but not romantic ones, change the subject back to her beauty. Memorize poetry and whisper passages into her ear. If you tend to make the mistake of being a friend, focus your attention on romance and seduction and avoid the "fascinating" thoughts in your head.

Myth #3 - Be a woman's therapist and you'll get laid.

Along the same lines as being a nice and interesting guy, many men use the therapist ploy to attempt being lovers with a woman. We've seen this myth play out time and time again by desperate fools trying to get laid.

The ploy usually works this way; a guy is friends with a woman he wants to date. He thinks that if she opens up to him emotionally then it will likely lead to sex. He thinks that if he can solve her emotional problems she will want to date him. Then, to his surprise, things pan out differently.

Suddenly she starts to discuss every problem in her life with him. The guy thinks this is good and listens more and more and more to her complaints. In fact, he thinks that the more he listens to her, the better the chances are of her going to bed with him. She starts crying on his shoulder more frequently and even begins asking him to take her out for ice cream, expensive dinners, and even loan her money when she becomes too depressed to work.

Now it turns ugly. She begins telling him about her problems with men. Our jr. therapist stays in the role of advice giver and a lowly "friend' to the woman. She dates the jerks and comes to him for advice.

The solution: never be a therapist to a woman. Remember, you are either a lowly friend or a lover, not both. The most important thing in dealing with a woman is to make your romantic interests known right away so she thinks of you as a potential lover, not a friend. When you become a confidant to a woman she begins to associate you with her negative emotions and negative experiences putting you further out of the running for lover.

If you are in this position with women right now, stop being the therapist today. You are wasting your time and avoiding being out in the world pursuing other women. Get out now while you still have a chance.

Myth #4 - There is a limited number of available women.

This is the type of myth promoted by babies disguised as men. This myth is promoted by men who can't get laid to save their lives and then search for lame reasons why. In fact, there is no evidence anywhere to back up this claim.

Does the high percentage of divorce and affairs justify this myth? No. Does the high number of singles prove that this is indeed a fact? No. Does the large number of personals ads reflect this to be true? No. That is why it is called a myth and simply unfounded. Enough said.

Myth #5 - You don't have what it takes to get laid.

In their quietest moments, some men believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with them. They truly think some core part of themselves is fundamentally flawed. To this I say YOU ARE WRONG!

It is every man's birthright to bed a woman. After studying this topic in an exhaustive fashion, I have noticed that the size of a man's belly or even the size of his IQ (not the size of his manhood) has no bearing on his ability to get women.

I've seen fat men with models, short men with sexy 21 year olds, and guys so ugly that they looked like they were beaten with a bag of quarters, cuddling with hot and sexy babes.

I won't bore you with stories about idiots. You can be a nerd with a pen protector and get tons of sex if you have the necessary confidence. No matter what you look like, women will want you if you demonstrate confidence and are out flirting and dating women.

I recently saw an obese 45 year old guy flirting with every hot woman in a crowded bar. They stared into his eyes fascinated and turned on by his confidence and wit. He made no apologies for his size or his ugliness, and the women went for it.

Once again it comes down to pursuing women. Just doing it.

Here is a secret; many models complain that they can't get a date. Many claim that men are too scared to approach them because of their beauty. Be in the small cadre of studs who flirts with the women you are attracted to, and you will be miles above the pack. This is purely a numbers game. Once you begin flirting with 10-20 women per day you will quickly see results.

Myth #6 - Getting women is too time consuming or difficult.

Guys complain to me all the time that getting women is too hard. They act as if dating women were rocket science or that it was as complex as learning brain surgery.

Getting a woman need not be a complicated or time-consuming matter. There are simple skills you can learn and actions you can take today that will have you meeting women. For instance, the easiest places to meet women are in bookstores, coffee shops, health clubs, and in restaurants. The trick is to go to these places at the same time on a regular basis. You can then make friends with the regulars.

Another trick is to list out organizations or groups you are part of in which there are many women participants, and going to at least two evening meetings per week in which there are women. If you want to stay home then you must play with personals ads in magazines and online.

For the guys who complain that it is too time consuming to meet women, remember that learning any new skill takes time. Once you understand how and where to meet women it will take less and less time. Most of your time will be spent up front finding women and building up your numbers of one night stand honeys and regular bed mates. After that it is all maintenance.

I've had students who work two full time jobs at once and still have time to date and bed women. After the initial learning curve they learned the specifics on how to meet women and were able to do so with a minimal time investment.

Myth #7 - Women know what they want, and they will tell you.

Have you ever noticed that women will talk about the kind of man that they want, and end up with someone completely different? It happens all of the time. What women say they want, and what they actually respond to, are often totally different.

The bottom line is that women love men who are generative and creative. If they have to tell you how to get them, what to be like, and how to behave every step of the way, they aren't going to be turned on by you. It's your independent nature that gets them going, not you dependency on being told how to be.

Besides, some of the traits that women complain about most in men have in them the seeds of the traits women find most attractive about men.

In the film "The Full Monty," a bunch of out-of-work male steelworkers decide that they will make their money by putting on a strip-show for the local women. The plan has "trouble" written all over it -- none of these guys are particularly great-looking. It also speaks to a basically male trait that women find both aggravating and attractive: men are troublemakers. They take on silly projects, push them to their limits, and even sometimes make them work.

This trouble-making quality is the flip-side of the generative, creativity that women desire so much in men. If you count on women to tell you what they want, and how to behave in order to get them, you short-circuit this creative, trouble-making nature that women love so much.

Women can't tell you what they want in a man -- they can only tell you what they think they want in a man. There's a big difference. They also aren't attracted to men who approach as supplicants, begging for the easy keys to melt a woman's heart. Don't fall into the trap.

Myth #8 - Dating should be fair.

This one myth gets men in more trouble than almost any of the others. If you are a man who whines about how dating isn't fair, and how you have to do all the pursuing of women, you must stop that right now.

I hear it all the time: "Why can't a woman ask me out for once?" "If women really believed in equality, they'd kiss me first!" "I'm tired of doing all the pursuit with women. It's their turn now." Blah blah blah. If it makes you feel better, you are right: It is unfair that you have to do all the pursuing, and that you have to take all the emotional risks by making all the "first moves."

We've even known men who confront women about their not pursuing men. One man named Cameron made it a habit of confronting women who didn't do "their fair share" of the pursuing. He'd tell them in no uncertain terms that, if they wanted to date him, they'd have to do at least half of the initiating, the pursuit, and the emotional risk-taking. "It's the age of equality," he'd explain to them. "You get equal rights, so now take equal responsibilities!" Cameron didn't have many second dates.

Other men we know just complain about it. They whine to their friends about how women just aren't willing to do the work to make a relationship happen. They complain about how, every time a real risk has to be taken, it's "the man's move." They say they are waiting for a woman to pursue them.

The solution is to get over it. If you don't have the sex life you want, it's your responsibility to get it. It is not women's responsibility to take care of you, and to make sure you have what you want in relationships. Expecting them to do so is just immature.

Use these myths to propel your own seductive desires into full gear. These techniques have been time tested and have received wonderful results from men worldwide. Stay aware of the myths that run your sex life and choose the path towards sexual prosperity. It will create the abundant sex life you have always wanted.

About the Author: Ron and David are dating coaches. Their book How to Succeed With Women has sold over 40,000 copies. They have been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Playboy, YM, Maxim, GQ UK, Swank, Gallery, and Players. They have also been on the Rosanne Barr Show, the Issac Hays show, To Tell the Truth, Fox News, CNN, UPN, and ABC. For more great tips on meeting and dating women or to ask a question go to