You Must Initiate Everything with a Woman

by Ron Louis & David Copeland


I usually don't have a problem approaching women or talking to them, that's not the problem. I can usually get positive responses, but nothing ever capitalizes. I can carry on conversations, but then it ends there. What am I doing wrong?

Also, why don't women ever approach me, or most men for that matter? We always have to make the first move, what's up with that?


Your questions - "Why don't my interactions with women lead to the next step?" and "Why do men have to make the first move?" are related.

Your conversations with women are not moving into the next level - priming dates, seduction dates, and so on - because you are failing to understand one of the harsh fundamentals of dating: You are responsible for making the first move, AND you are responsible for making EVERY SINGLE MOVE thereafter. She does nothing. She is along for the ride. YOU make every initiation.

Before we get into the specifics of what you need to be doing next, let's talk about this a little, because it is such a big deal for so many men. Dating is not fair. This is important for all the men reading this to remember, because we all slip into this "dating should be fair" idea from time to time, and become slackers around taking responsibility for our dating lives.

Look, there's good news and bad news about having to initiate everything with a woman. The bad news is, it's a lot of work. The good news is, YOU get to say when your interactions with women happen. YOU have power to make them happen or not. Another way to say this is to say that part of the harsh terrain of dating is that you have to initiate everything, most of the time. But if you are willing to live with that truth, you have a lot more power than you realize.

Actually, it's a lot like the rest of life.

You must initiate the first conversation. You must keep that conversation alive, about her and things she cares about. You must flirt with her and do the basic flirting moves.

You must arrange to see her, and flirt with her again, which you are probably not doing. You must arrange to be able to have flirting conversations with her as many times as it takes to establish to her the most fundamental formula in dating: she must believe that seeing you = pleasure for her.

Then you must ask her for either her email address, her phone number, or if she'd be willing to go out with you for a cup of coffee. We like to say something like, "Wow, you seem really cool. What would it be like if we went out for a cup of coffee sometime?" Then either get her number, email address, or set the date right then. Make it clear to her that it's just a coffee date, "for an hour or so."

Then you must initiate setting up the date, giving her the options and times of when and where to meet (do NOT leave this in her lap. Never say, "Oh, I don't know, when can you do it...?" Give her options.). Then you must handle the date, go for the first kiss, set up the seduction date, EVERYTHING.

Like the old saying goes, "Initiate or Masturbate."

About the Author: Ron and David are dating coaches. Their book How to Succeed With Women has sold over 40,000 copies. They have been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Playboy, YM, Maxim, GQ UK, Swank, Gallery, and Players. They have also been on the Rosanne Barr Show, the Issac Hays show, To Tell the Truth, Fox News, CNN, UPN, and ABC. For more great tips on meeting and dating women or to ask a question go to