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The Kiss of Death

by Allen Thompson

You've met the most incredible girl...

You don't really know her, but you're pretty sure she's a Goddess... sent straight from Heaven... in jeans.

You exchanged glances in Chemistry, had a few brief conversations after class, and even bumped into her at the mall. (Talk about fate!)

You KNOW you want her. There's no doubt about it. The question now becomes, "Does she want you?"

She smiles at you... but is it a friendly or a flirtatious smile?

You saw her leave with another guy after class... was he her boyfriend?

She flirted with you last week, even touched your shoulder... then completely ignored you the other day.

Does she like you?

How can you tell? You really need to know this before you begin the "pursuit" don't you?

Perhaps the most common question posed on the SoSuave Discussion Forum concerns "reading women" and trying to figure out whether they like you or not. The poster usually describes his situation, what he did, what she did, and then asks, "Does this mean she likes me?" Or, "Does this mean she doesn't like me?"

Definitely a popular question. Definitely a question in need of an answer.

Okay, here's the best answer you're probably ever going to get and what you need to remember... always...

Obsessing about a particular girl, and whether or not she likes you, is the KISS OF DEATH with women!

If you're worrying about whether a girl likes you or not, chances are she doesn't - or rather, SHE WON'T. She won't because your "worry" and your "obsession" with what she thinks of you will actually push her away.

Let me try to explain.

When you let yourself fall into the "obsession" trap, you begin to analyze everything your dream girl does, every word she says, every move she makes... and try to relate them all to you!

She smiled at you - she didn't smile at you. She emailed you - she didn't email you. She returned your call - she didn't return your call. Confusion, frustration, and anxiety result.

This obsession with her behaviors and their meanings will paralyze you, confuse you, and suck every ounce of confidence you have from your body. You will become a Blithering Blob of Insecurity. And women, in general, are not attracted to Blithering Blobs of Insecurity.

So are you wrong to be confused by women?

NO! Absolutely NO!

Women ARE confusing. Always have been and always will be. That's just the way they are.

Especially when it comes to romance, women seem totally inconsistent in their behaviors.

One minute you're convinced you're the man of her dreams, and the next she seems to be unaware of your existence. One minute she's flirting, and smiling, and rubbing up against you, and the next minute she's gone, left without even saying "bye." You SHOULD be frustrated and confused!

Now, no one knows exactly why women give off such mixed signals and deliberately, it seems, attempt to confuse us. Some suspect it's those magazines they read. Others think it has to do with the secret bathroom conferences they hold. Still others propose that their illogical behaviors are due to the wacky hormones they have surging throughout their bodies. The cause is relatively unimportant. You just have to accept it, and plot your strategy to deal with it.

So, given the inconsistencies of female romantic behavior, attempting to "read" women and figure out what they're thinking, is, at best, an incredibly frustrating experience. So don't do it. Don't even attempt it.

Just say NO to "reading" women!

Okay... well... if you don't really try to "read" women to determine whether they like you or not, then what do you do? What's your strategy? After all, they may be confusing, illogical, and somewhat annoying, but you still wanna get you one.

Simple...

If you're attracted to a girl, then just ASSUME she's attracted to you too. And ACT ACCORDINGLY!

Assume that she likes you and would like to get to know you better. Assume that she's physically attracted to you. Assume that YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES to attract such a lady, no matter how incredible she seems.

Assume the positive... always the positive. Assuming the negative will kill any chances you might have with her. (Pessimists, my friend, are not "chick magnets.")

Now there are many exciting benefits of adopting this attitude of assuming that women you like also like you... and treating them accordingly.

For one, if you refuse to obsess about all the little "signs" she's giving you, whether they be good signs or bad signs, you will feel more relaxed, calm, and confident. You won't be "up" one minute because she smiled at you, and "down" the next because she also smiled at some other guy.

Attempting to "read" her will only lead to confusion, frustration, and anxiety. And this will make you more tense when she's around, and thus, less likely to be the charming, charismatic Don Juan that you'd like to be.

And you also won't be wasting your time trying to figure out what she's thinking... trying to figure out what every little move means... and where you stand. You'll be able to devote your "mental time" to something more useful and productive.

Secondly, if you just assume that she likes you, then you will actually increase the probability that she eventually WILL like you. This is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy, and is a well-documented phenomenon in psychological research.

Basically what this means is that if you have a "she likes me" attitude, then you'll project positive, optimistic behaviors and thoughts. She'll pick up on these and ... like you.

If, on the other hand, you have a "she doesn't like me" attitude, you'll project negative, pessimistic behaviors and thoughts. She'll, likewise, pick up on these and ... not like you.

And if you have a "does she like me" attitude, then you'll project tense, anxiety-ridden behaviors and thoughts that will decrease the probability of her liking you... or she may even find being around you to be an "uncomfortable" experience. (Isn't it easier to relax around people who are relaxed themselves?)

And third, the attitude of just assuming that she likes you, rather than worrying about whether she does or not, allows you to maintain control of the situation... and yourself.

If you are obsessing about the "signs" and allow the "signs" to control your behaviors, thoughts, and emotions, then you have basically given her complete control of the situation. And complete control over you!

If she's "good" to you, you're happy. If she's "bad" to you, you're sad. If she wants to encourage you, she can throw out a few positive signals. If she wants to discourage you, she can throw out a few negative signals. Your happiness is basically under her control... whether she knows it or not.

Not the position that a "Don Juan" likes to be in. Not the position that you want to be in.

However, if you just assume that she likes you and treat her accordingly, and refuse to be controlled by all the little signs (especially the bad ones), you take charge of the situation. You have decided that you like her. And you have decided that she likes you... or will like you when she gets to know you better. And you act accordingly.

You exude confidence. You're relaxed. And you project that "aura" that every budding Don Juan searches for. (The poor girl won't stand a chance up against that aura!)

Okay, so you agree that obsessing about a particular girl and whether or not she likes you is not in your best interest. It will turn you into a Blithering Blob of Insecurity, decrease the probability that she will like you, and give her complete control over your happiness.

So what do you do when those thoughts start to take over your mind? I mean, after all, she is a Goddess, right?

Here's one simple little mental trick that might help you...

Whenever the obsessive "does she like me" thoughts start to take over your mind, even if they're the "good" ones, mentally grab them with your hands, throw them down on the floor, and step on them. Then remind yourself that obsessing about her is not in your best interest, that it will suck away your confidence, and actually decrease the probability that you'll eventually get her.

At this point you want to take a deep breath... smile... laugh... and think to yourself...

"I should send that Allen guy a few bucks."

Allen Thompson
djnewslet@sosuave.com
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