Escaping the Friend Zone
I was talking to a friend of mine recently and she made me realize a skill that I possess that I am totally unaware of. We were talking about past relationships and she pointed out how many friends I have converted into lovers. Not just any friends either... CLOSE friends! Apparently I am a FriendZone Escape Artist!
A few weeks after this eye-opening convo, I got to see myself in action again, but with a more trained perspective. An ex-girl of mine came to visit me from overseas.
A little background info on her:
Before we had ever even kissed, we were best friends for years and ended up in a very intense love affair after she confessed her true feelings to me. It all ended a few years later cuz I was still a chump back then... but thatís a whole other thread.
Well, long story short, this time we ended up seducing each other AGAIN even though she had a boyfriend back home. I didnít even TRY to hook up with this girl. In fact, I RESISTED my urges in an effort to be the good guy. But finally, we both caved.
I started to really see the things I do subconsciously that gets my lady friends hot for me.
I hope this revelation helps some of you guys out...
Before we begin I want you to read and absorb...
THE GOLDEN RULE ABOVE ALL RULES:
Never, EVER, express you feelings directly. Donít tell her that you see her as more than a friend. It just does not work like this. The only way you make the change is by HER confessing her feelings for you, or you taking the initiative and kissing her like it was some crazy accident of passion.
Now obviously, there are a few things you must communicate to her before this can happen:
(1) You donít need her.
(2) You find her attractive but she has competition.
(3) You have high standards.
(4) You are a sexual/sensual being.
(5) You understand the value of sex with a connection.
(6) You are physically affectionate.
(7) You give conflicting messages that hint at your desire.
(8) You donít let flings ruin friendships.
(1) YOU DONíT NEED HER.
Donít be so readily available. Have enough going on in your life that NO girl is a priority. Pursue your dreams, hobbies, etc. so your focus is mainly on yourself.
This gives you a perfectly legitimate excuse to flake on her once in a while and then "Make it up to her" by taking her out and showing her the time of her life. It is also crucial to have other prospects going on in order to kill any subliminal desperation you might be projecting onto her.
(2) YOU FIND HER ATTRACTIVE BUT SHE HAS COMPETITION.
Start noticing other attractive girls when you are with her and commenting on it "Damn, she is fine!" Stare other girls down and become distracted till your "pal" starts to get a little miffed.
Tell her not to get her panties in a twist because she is also totally hot and she knows it.
Itís okay to compliment her like this when it is balanced by your wandering eye. It also communicates that you find her attractive, but in a very detached way.
She might try to flip it on ya and talk about other guys but donít let it faze you. Take interest in it and find out what attracts her most about guys. Needless to say, this should be an interesting convo!
(3) YOU HAVE HIGH STANDARDS.
Talk about the things you require in a woman. This is a subtle way of qualifying her.
Tell her how you once thought that the key to happiness was being able to approach any girl and hookup at anytime. But after you finally overcame your fears and were able to hook up consistently, you realized how many women just donít meet your standards -- intelligent, funny, knows how to cook, whatever.
Let this conversation build and get her to talk about what makes a great boyfriend. Listen to her and give her feedback as this convo unfolds. She will probably have a lot to say.
Let that convo fizzle out and then talk about one of your past flings where the girl seemed perfect for you in every way. (Really build this up: "this girl cooked, gave massages and even loved basketball! She was the bomb!") Except she was a TERRIBLE lover. This will build curiosity and of course she will ask why this girl was so bad in the sack. This leads smoothly into...
(4) YOU ARE A SEXUAL/SENSUAL BEING.
Talk about sex. Mention things that you like done to you but most girls are not keen on. Talk about it like it is as casual as a convo about the weather.
Just be comfortable letting her see your sexual side, because she IS your friend after all. If she canít handle this topic, then this should strike you as a MAJOR red flag, this girl has issues and you are better off moving on.
Contrast your previous story of frustration with a tale of a girl who knew EXACTLY how to please you and what she did that was so great. Once you tell her a little bit about what you like, close up a little and act somewhat apprehensive.
Say "Heyyy, this is not fair! Here I am giving you the inside scoop and getting nothing in return!" Prod her for a few sexual details... what her favorite position is... what gives her the most powerful org*sm... who was her best lay and why.
If she gets suspicious or uncomfortable, tell her that if she was really your friend she would give you some killer tips and how itís good karma because one day some lucky girl will thank her.
WARNING: Talk about sex but donít get hung up on it or you will seem like a perv. Let the convos flow naturally by gauging her reactions. As soon as you feel the convo fizzling out, change the subject to something else. Itís much better to leave her wanting more sex talk than to overdo it! If done right, this convo will be a recurring topic of conversation.
(5) YOU UNDERSTAND THE VALUE OF SEX WITH A CONNECTION.
Talk about the difference between animal sex and spiritual love making. How the spiritual thing is so much more intense and beautiful when you really connect with someone.
Anchor your earlier story as if itís a revelation and say "Hmmm, maybe thatís another reason that girl rocked my world. We were actually good friends before anything happened." And so the seed is planted... muahahahahhaaa!!
(6) YOU ARE PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE.
After building up the sexual tension, toss a little innocent KINO in the mix.
Comment on her jewelry and touch her. If itís a ring hold her hand and admire it then let her hand go with a slow slide. If itís an earring, let the backs of your fingers grace her cheek. DO NOT GROPE HER! Think of this physical contact as subtle displays of tenderness.
Also when you hug her, make it count! I have gotten many compliments on my hugs from all my girlfriends because I do it with all my heart. I love to wrap my arms all the way around them so they feel all enclosed and protected, then I squeeze them tight (not too tight there, killer) and give them a hundred little kisses on the cheek in the same spot.
Sometimes I like to tell them I am having a crap day and am in need of a real hug... not the fake kind that people give out like loose change, but a REAL HUG where I can proceed to bury my jawline in the crook of her neck and get full body contact. Girls are emotional, mushy creatures and they LOVE this stuff!
(7) YOU GIVE CONFLICTING MESSAGES THAT HINT AT YOUR DESIRE.
Tell her how special she is and you wish more girls were as cool as her and you are glad that you guys are pals. Then tell her she smells really nice and get close to her neck for a closer whiff and ask what perfume she is wearing.
Joke around and say that she MUST NOT wear this perfume around you anymore because it drives you crazy and just might "ruin" your friendship. Say this in half-jest "Keep wearing that perfume and I just might attack you someday!"
If she continues to wear this dangerous scent in the future, consider it a HUGE indicator of her interest. (Translation: she WANTS you!)
(8) YOU DONíT LET FLINGS RUIN FRIENDSHIPS.
Reassurance. At some point mention how you are still friends with most of your exís because you think itís a waste of time and energy to just write off the people who played such powerful roles in your life. Girls always agree with me when I say this.
It also helps alleviate her fear of jeopardizing the friendship if she acts on her desires. This is your loophole for managing her expectations in case things donít work out.
And thatís pretty much it.
Above all, the real deal-sealer here is your detachment. This technique doesnít work on all girls obviously. But if you keep your vibe open like this, conveying your sexuality, not caring if she feels the same, etc., one of them is bound to bite!
I can honestly say my success rate is 100%. I have never been rejected by a friend. This is because I turn them into the pursuers and actually "resist" their advances with my conflicting messages. (It would never work between us... damn, your skin is so soft!)
Sometimes it takes a while... could be days, weeks or even months. It all depends on her emotional state at the time. But eventually the flirting gets more intense and I can just TELL when she is ready. She will start touching me more often and calling me "cutie" or "baby." It all escalates until the final Moment of Truth.
Usually we are in the middle of one of my famous hugs when I sort of nuzzle her neck with my chin and make her giggle. Then I nuzzle her cheek to cheek. Then I pull my head back, still hugging her and look her in the eyes. If she returns this intense gaze without getting weirded out, this is my signal she is ready... so I slowly close in for our first kiss!
Once the iron is hot I strike and let me tell you, there are few things more passionate and gratifying than that first forbidden encounter between two friends.
Now before you rush off to try this exciting escape, keep in mind that there are girls who will never see you as anything but their good-natured little brother. Donít write these chicks off! They not only provide you with excellent social proof when you go out together, but they have access to an intimate circle of friends who are as hot, if not hotter than they are.
Also it is nice to have a few platonic girls you can genuinely enjoy and yes, even cuddle with and just leave it at that. I have quite a few friends who want to cross the line but I donít let them because I know for me it will be a fling but for them it will be love, no matter what they say. And I honestly value their friendship too much.
DISCLAIMER: Use these tools wisely! The last thing you want to do is mess up a great friendship, so decide if you really want to go the extra mile with this girl and if she can even handle this without destroying what you have both worked to build over time.
Always remember the Golden Rule and also the most sacred rule of them all.
Itís called GAME because itís supposed to be fun!