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Look Into My Eyes

by Allen Thompson

An eye can threaten like a loaded and levelled gun, or it can insult like hissing or kicking; or, in its altered mood, by beams of kindness, it can make the heart dance for joy. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart. - Saint Jerome


Letís talk a little bit about the eyes.

The eyes are quite amazing! Very few things surpass the importance of our eyes when engaged in social interaction... especially with those gorgeous women we love to feast them upon.

Iím not talking about eye contact in this article. Or the way we use our eyes to connect and disconnect, with others. Iím talking about the eyes themselves... specifically the pupils of your eyes.

Three EXTREMELY IMPORTANT things to understand right up front:

Okay...

Whenever we see someone we like, the pupils of our eyes dilate and grow larger. Itís almost as if our eyes are trying to see as much of this person as possible. This is an involuntary and uncontrollable physiological response.

Thus, you can often tell if a woman is attracted to you by observing her pupils, and noting whether they expand or contract (or maybe do nothing) when she looks at you.

(Note: contracting would not be good for you... as it likely means she not only is not attracted to you, but actively dislikes you. Sorry about that.)

I say, "often tell," because sometimes the environment can interfere with the "psychological" responses of our pupils. If youíre outside on a bright sunny day, it may be difficult for even your magnificence to dilate her pupils. Similarly, if youíre together in a dimly lit room, her pupils are probably going to be dilated no matter how much she despises you.

One other thing to keep in mind is her base level, or natural pupil size. This varies somewhat from person to person. Some people have larger pupils and some have smaller pupils. So to effectively judge "your" effect on her, youíre going to have to keep in mind her base level and judge the "change" when she gazes longingly (you hope) in your direction.

Please try to be inconspicuous about this. Do NOT tell her what youíre doing. If she had any idea it would make her very uncomfortable.

On the other hand, keep in mind that if gorgeous girl youíve been checking out knows her pupil physiology, she already "knows" youíre attracted to her. She can see it in your eyes. And, short of wearing sunglasses or avoiding all eye contact, thereís not much you can do about it.

But I wouldnít worry about this too much. Thereís very little chance that your average lady is going to understand this particular psycho-physiological response. After all, she probably doesnít subscribe to The Don Juan Newsletter like you do. (YOU LUCKY DOG, YOU!)

The second thing to keep in mind is that larger, dilated pupils are considered more physically attractive (and more friendly) than are smaller, contracted pupils.

For example, studies with photographs have shown that attractiveness increases as pupil size increases. Likewise, if the researchers altered the pupil sizes in the  photographs to make them smaller, they could decrease the attractiveness of the individuals in the photos.

Weíre talking about the SAME target photos here. Increasing or decreasing the pupil sizes of the same photos and noting the perceived level of attractiveness as rated by the subjects. Weíre not comparing different people with different pupil sizes and concluding that those with larger pupils are seen as more attractive than those with smaller pupils. Obviously, there are a lot of other variables to consider when comparing different individuals.

Ever heard of the Belladonna plant?

Belladonna is Italian for "beautiful lady" and was frequently used by 16th century women to give their eyes a sexy and dreamy look (by dilating the pupils).

An important point to keep in mind is that these pupil attractiveness effects operate in a "subconscious" fashion. The people in the experiments know they like the photos with the dilated pupils better, but they donít know exactly why. The person just seems "more handsome" or "prettier" or "friendlier" somehow. They do not realize the pupils have been altered physically by the researchers.

Thus, ideally, you would like for your pupils to be as large as possible when gazing at women youíre attracted to (making you more attractive). And luckily, as mentioned in the first part of this article, that is exactly what happens. (Cool, huh?)

You see a beautiful girl. Your pupils dilate. The large pupils cause her to see you as more attractive than she otherwise might. Your responses are automatic. Her responses are subconscious. Works out pretty well doesnít it?

Keep in mind that it works the other way as well. If a girl is attracted to you her pupils will dilate when sheís looking at you. As a result, you will see her as being more attractive than you might otherwise think her to be. Again, both reactions are automatic and usually subconscious.

The third major point discussed in this article is that we like those who like us.

We are almost always attracted to those who are attracted to us. Why? Could be many possible reasons for this. But probably the main reason is because when another person likes us, it makes us feel good about ourselves. It gives us an ego boost and increases our self-esteem and self-confidence.

Like it or not, we often judge ourselves by other peopleís reactions to us. If others seem to like us, then we feel good about ourselves. If others donít seem to like us, then we may feel bad about ourselves. Not always, but much of the time.

Given this principle of reciprocal liking, we now have a logical explanation to explain the attractiveness effects described above.

When you look at a girl youíre attracted to, your pupils dilate. Subconsciously, she notices your dilated pupils and concludes that you like her and are attracted to her. Since people who like her give her an ego boost and make her feel good about herself, she becomes more attracted to you than she might be otherwise. Does this make sense?

So remember...

"If you want someone to like you, then like them."

This simple principle has been known for ages. Yet itís amazing how few people really understand it or practice it. And how dearly this lack of understanding costs them.

Now that we understand the three points discussed above, the question becomes, "How can we use this information to enrich our lives by making ourselves more attractive to women?"

Iíll go over a few possible scenarios, but use your imagination. There are dozens of ways to use the knowledge you now possess to add love, romance, and excitement to your life.

Ever wonder why a candlelit dinner with wine is considered so romantic? Think about it. The dim light dilates the pupils of both individuals, making them both more attractive to one another than they usually are (not to mention hiding minor physical flaws). And the alcohol in the wine accentuates the pupil dilation even more.

Yes, alcohol dilates the pupils. It also promotes relaxation and reduces inhibitions. Itís definitely your friend on a date. But be careful not to abuse the alcohol. A little is romantic. A lot becomes unpredictable and can wind up ruining the evening.

Another tip you may find helpful: remember to gaze into the eyes of that beautiful lady youíre interested in. Youíre attracted to her. Your pupils dilate. She subconsciously recognizes your attraction. She likes those wise individuals who like her. She feels good. She starts to like you.

And all youíve done is look into her beautiful eyes. You havenít really said or "risked" anything. Seems pretty simple doesnít it?

(Donít be surprised if she tells her girlfriends "what beautiful eyes" you have.)

I know. I know. Youíre shy. You usually go to extremes in order to avoid eye contact... especially with women youíre attracted to. You look down. You look away. You look anywhere but into "the eyes."

Youíd rather die than let her know youíre attracted to her. You want her to be attracted to you first. Once youíre sure sheís attracted to you, then maybe youíll let on a little that youíre attracted to her as well.

BIG MISTAKE!

Remember, if you want someone to like you, like them. And let them know you like them. Look into her eyes and smile. Force yourself to... just for a couple seconds every now and then.

Iím not talking about staring into her eyes until the sweat starts popping from her brow. Staring will simply make her feel uncomfortable.

Just add a little casual eye contact into your conversations with her. And smile. Remember, she will come to like you BECAUSE you like her.

Another example...

Ever go to bars? Ever notice how beautiful the women in bars look?

Yes, the women definitely dress to impress. But also, bars are usually dimly lit with alcohol consumption the norm. Dilated pupils and reduced inhibitions everywhere you look.

And do these beautiful ladies get even more beautiful at closing time? Ever heard that? It could be, of course, that youíre more desperate at closing time (or too drunk to tell the difference).

Itís also very likely that as the evening winds along and the women drink more and more, that they actually do get more beautiful. Their pupils become more and more dilated giving their eyes that sexy, dreamy look (remember Belladonna?).

Think about the *secrets* Iíve just revealed to you. And be sure to ACT upon what you now KNOW.

Allen Thompson
djnewslet@sosuave.com
Copyright © 1998

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