Stop Chasing and Make Women Chase You - Screening and Acceptance
Question: Derek, I know this girl likes me. She touches me, flirts with me, we have great conversations together, and she sees me with other hot girls.
But I can never get her to agree to go somewhere else or meet for coffee or lunch or anything. I should have had her in bed by now. What else do I need to be doing?
Answer: Sometimes an extremely hot woman so lives in the frame that SHE is the chooser that, even if you do everything else RIGHT and have social proof from other girls, she still won't actively chase you.
Even if you touch her, have great conversations with her, and she sees you with other hot girls, in her mind YOU should always be chasing HER.
You need a way to get her off her butt and start chasing YOU.
The perfect technique for this is called SCREENING and almost no seduction is successful without it.
Screening simply refers to the idea of throwing tests at her that she has to pass in order for her to win your approval.
For example, you could say to her, "You know I like you, but you're not a stalker are you? You're not the type who checks her messages five times a day, will call me in the middle of the night are you? Will I be safe around you?"
When screening a girl, you establish that YOU are the chooser and that SHE is the chaser. She must work for and win your approval and acceptance of her.
You can screen a woman on just about anything, but what often works best is screening her based on completely trivial qualities.
For example you could say to woman, "I can just tell you would be so much trouble for me. I can see it in those eyes. You just look like a handful. How do I know you won't just drive me up the wall?"
Or you could say, "You look young for me. Hmm, what else do you have going for you that would make up for that?"
The key is to sound playful and not too serious. Wear a smile on your face. If she already likes you somewhat, she'll start trying to prove her value to you.
You can also screen a girl for qualities that you're seriously looking for. For example, perhaps you want a bi-sexual girl that will eventually have threesomes with you. You can tell a woman, "I only date bi-sexual women."
Or tell her, "I only date highly creative and intelligent women. Are you creative?"
Or say, "Do you work out? I like to be with women who take care of themselves."
The second step to screening is ACCEPTANCE.
You see, at some point after fighting for your approval, the girl has to feel that she's proven herself to you. She'll only feel worthy of you if you ACCEPT her for passing your tests.
So if you say, "I only date bi-sexual women," and she starts telling you about how she's thought about being with a girl before, that shows she wants to win your approval. That's good behavior on her part.
Reward her for her good behavior.
You: "I only date bi-sexual women."
Her: "Oh… you know, I've always wondered what it would be like to be with a girl."
You: "Wow, so you don't listen to all the stupid rules society places on women. See, I knew you were cool. We can hang out then." (squeeze her hands).
RAPID ACCEPTANCE is when you reward a woman right away for her good answer. For example,
You: "What's your favorite show on television?"
Her: "Desperate Housewives."
You: "Wow, I *love* that show. Oh my god, I can just imagine us ten years from now fat as cows on the couch watching marathon reruns of it." (hug her).
You can also use DELAYED ACCEPTANCE.
With delayed acceptance, you drag out the screening process and make her really work for your approval. You leave her hanging in suspense for your acceptance.
For example, I met this cute girl at the bookstore the other day. After talking a bit I found out that she was a fundamentalist Christian. I started to GRILL her about her beliefs for 20 minutes straight, questioning everything she believed in.
Once I realized she wasn't going to budge I said to her, "Wow, you know what… you actually stuck up for yourself. That's really amazing. I thought you would have folded right away. Most of the girls I meet are really flaky… but you're not like other girls. You are SO awesome." Then I gave her a hug.
At that moment when I hugged her and accepted her, after the heavy screening, she was practically in love with me. She invited me to a party and gave me three phone numbers to reach her at.
When I met her at the party, she introduced me to about twenty of her cute friends and stuck to my side like glue. She had that starry look in her eyes whenever she looked at me.
All this from a girl whose beliefs dictated I would probably rot in hell… all because I made her work - and wait - for my delayed acceptance!
You can also delay acceptance by STACKING screening criteria, and giving her acceptance only at the very end.
For example, you can give her five or sex screening tests she must pass all in rapid fire succession – that she lives too far away, that you don't want to get involved with a girl unless she's devoted to you, that you don't normally date girls you meet in clubs, that she's probably the jealous type, that she will probably stalk you, and so on.
Then, instead of giving acceptance on each individual point, reward all of her good answers with a grand, universal acceptance at the very end once she's jumped through all of your hoops.
Tell her, "You know, when I first met you I thought you were just like all the other girls. But you're not like other girls. You're x, y, and z. I'm so glad I met someone like you… I feel like there's a special connection between us." Then hug her or squeeze her hands. "Doesn't that feel awesome when you meet somebody like that?"
Not too long ago I screened my honey-hot hairdresser HARD. She worked out two hours a day and it showed - she had the tightest legs in a mini-skirt I've ever seen.
I kept screening her and she kept trying to win my acceptance but I wouldn't let her. Whatever her answer was, I didn't act overly impressed.
After my haircut was finished she talked with me in the sitting chairs for an extra 15 minutes trying to win me over. Finally, she told me what great massages she gives. I told her that I didn't believe it. She offered to prove it by giving me a massage at her place in the nude.
It's not that rapid acceptance is better than delayed acceptance of visa-versa. Both work and compliment each other. Use them in combination.
The hotter the chick, the harder you may need to screen. On an extremely hot girl, don't be afraid to pummel her with screening criteria. Screen HARD.
So why does Screening and Acceptance work so powerfully on women?
When a girl begins to become attracted to you, the level of the hormone Dopamine increases in her brain. Dopamine is an arousal hormone that produces a feeling or euphoria, desire, and motivation. Dopamine motivates people to want to work for and win a reward.
So a girl may like you and consequently have elevated levels of Dopamine, but unless you create a structure that motivates her to win a reward, she may not act on that attraction.
Likewise, extremely hot women are so used to being chased and never having to work for a man's interest that they may never have felt that dopamine rush of euphoria and the excitement of the chase IN THEIR ENTIRE LIVES.
Some hot women have NEVER felt what we would call "infatuation" or "romantic love".
However, when you screen an attractive woman and screen her hard, you may be the first man she has ever had to prove herself to. You may be the first man she finds she has to win over and get acceptance by. You may be the first man to release her Dopamine hormones and make her feel that sense of euphoria, desire, and drive to win.
That's why screening and acceptance typically works even more powerfully the more beautiful the woman.
No when might screening and acceptance NOT work?
Let's say you see an attractive girl across the room. You walk up to her and immediately start screening her by saying, "Yeah, you're pretty, but what else have you got going for you?"
A lot of girls need acceptance no matter what the situation, and they'll start trying to immediately win your approval – even though they just met you two seconds ago!
However, other women will not feel they have to prove themselves to a total stranger with no value to them. They might say back to you, "Nothing. And who are you to ask?"
Or let's say you're regarded as the class nerd – a total dork and everyone makes fun of you. Your social status is near zero. Even if you screen a girl, she may think so lowly of you she won't feel she has anything to prove to you. If you tell her, "So are you adventurous?" she might respond "No."
You see, ideally, you want to have *some* SOCIAL VALUE to the girl BEFORE you start screening her. If you have no social value to her, she won't care about your approval.
So the key is to build up your value first before you screen her. Building your value could be as simple as having her see you with other girls, making her friends laugh, or coming across as a cool guy that read her palm.
After she shows you two or three signs of interest or "green lights" – for example touching you, initiating a conversation, making eye contact, or standing next to you – THEN do you screen her.
Let's summarize how the entire process would work in the real world.
You walk into a club. Your social status is a 6. You see a beautiful babe. Her social status is a 9. You could try to screen her right away, but it would be a hit-or-miss situation.
Your first job is to increase your social status and value to her. You might talk to other girls in front of her. Or you might talk to her friends and make them laugh. Soon your social status increases from a 6, to a 7, to an 8.
Once she starts giving you some signs of interest (smiles, touches, etc), start screening her. Since you have social status to her at this point, she will respond by trying to win your approval and gain your acceptance of her.
While you screen her, and while she tries to win you, the social dynamic is that you have MORE status than she does. Now she's a 7 and you're a 9. The Dopamine hormone will be flooding her brain at full throttle.
Once she passes your tests, ACCEPT her. Give her a hug, or hold her hands. Now she'll feel as if she's EARNED you. Her social status raises back up to a 9. You're both 9s now, together.
9s sleep with other 9s.
Now, in the rare case you misread the situation and she doesn't respond to your screening, just pretend like you didn't hear her answer. Pretend like nothing happened. Just back off the screening and continue to build more social value for yourself. Then, once you have more value in her eyes, screen her again.
Now imagine how long it can take you to learn this stuff ALL ON YOUR OWN.
Imagine how much time you'd waste figuring it all out by yourself.
Imagine you much of your life you'd have wasted if you did everything on your own – if you built your own car from scratch out of scrap metal or if you grew your own food in the backyard.
That's why I wrote The Seduction Science System – so that you don't have to reinvent the wheel and learn everything the hard way like I had to. You can start having success RIGHT AWAY.
And that's why you need to learn the real SCIENCE of the seduction process, the SCIENCE of triggering the arousal hormones like Dopamine in the woman's brain.
You KNOW this is an aspect of your life you need to take care of. Get to it.
Learn the Science of Seduction