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Nice Guys and Jerks

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Iím a generally nice guy and I hate to say this: sometimes it pays to be a jerk. If Iím nice, my girlfriend takes advantage of it. And if I act like a jerk, and donít call her, she calls me up and comes over. So just donít be too much of a jerk is my advice to you readers. Also make every woman feel like a princess, and pretty soon theyíll treat you like a king.

As I see it, saying that women generally prefer "jerks" over "nice guys" and men prefer "bitches" over "nice girls" puts the cart before the horse. The attractiveness comes first: for men itís generally a combination of confidence, power, and looks, and for women itís generally a combination of looks and style. The reason a lot of people who have those attractive traits are jerks or bitches is because they *can* be.

Sure, they do well with the opposite sex. But equally "desirable" people who are genuinely nice do even better.

Once a nice guy held a door for an attractive lady but much to his unpleasant surprise she turned out to be a strong feminist. "I can open my own doors, thank you very much. After all, I am a lady," she said.

"Yes, I can see that," he replied "but Iím a gentleman."

My personal thoughts on this is that any woman who canít stand someone holding the door for her is probably some feminist bitch with issues and should probably be avoided anyway. Iím for the equality of sexes, but not for women somehow subjugating males in such a way that they lose the right to practice gold old fashion chivalry. Being a gentleman is a basic right that should not be given up for any woman.

I am a lineman for the local college football team, and am a nice guy. When I walk through the halls and around campus, I get many hugs and flirtatious looks. But no dates with these girls, cause they are already going out with that jerk on the soccer team.

I think what it boils down to is that nice guys are perceived as wimps, but as nice guys go, we are usually tougher than that all talk, no balls jerk (at least in my case).

So what I have found works is this: When on a date and someone bothers you or your date, donít put up with it. Take control of the situation and end it quickly. This will show your "toughness."

You and I must understand that women DONíT go deliberately looking for a jerk. Women are not "bad" people at all. Quite the opposite. But women are completely controlled by this ancient mating instinct. Therefore, they have NO OTHER CHOICE but to go after any strong, dominant, untamable male. Or any male who can make her FEEL all those intense, uncontrollable feelings she lives for.

The key to understanding womenís strange behavior is "they have no other choice" but to fall for these types of males. And the jerk happens to be that type of male. Or at least, the jerk has learned how to play that role.

The nice guy is not that type of male. The nice guy cannot even play that role. If a nice guy became strong and dominant and HARD TO GET, she will go blindly after that nice guy.

The proof that I am right is that every time a nice guy starts ACTING like a jerk, he is suddenly wanted by all those women who used to ignore him before.

Women donít really want jerks. They probably want a nice guy. But ... "what women WANT" and "what women NEED" are two different things. And their subconscious íígenetic" programming, that need to feel and feel and feel, will make women go uncontrollably after what they need, not what they want. And that is true of every person, in any area of life. They will attract into their lives and/or will go toward what they subconsciously need, not what they think they want.

What a woman genetically NEEDS is the type of man who will trigger in her all those intense feelings and emotions. Why? Because a female needs to experience those uncontrollable feelings/emotions to surrender completely to him. Once she FEELS that way about him she will do anything and everything for/with him.

Women are suckers for those very intense emotions and feelings that they were "genetically" programmed to experience for a certain type of male: the dominant, strong one. They need to feel those feelings to surrender to him. It has a lot to do with estrogen, the "feeling" hormone as opposed to testosterone, the "performance/achievement" hormone.

While most men are born to be "doers" most females are "be-ers" or "feelers". Women will love and go after ANY man who is able to "ignite" those feelings in them.

Unfortunately, a "nice", sensitive, wimpy type of guy does not generate those feelings in women. A strong, dominant, hard-to-get man does. And the jerk fits in this category. And the jerk knows how to "ignite" those intense feelings and emotions women are addicted to. A jerk and a hard-to-get man make her feel... feel... feel... crazy, excited, turned on. A "nice" guy makes her feel... feel... feel... bored to death.

Even when women fall for a guy who is very handsome, they will leave him very quickly if they discover he is a nice guy who can be easily controlled by females. It happens all the time. And they will go after some not-so-handsome type, even an ugly one, who is strong and dominant.

Even married women will do the craziest things and go after the guy who can "ignite" those feelings in them. What she loves are the feelings she feels. Not the guy! But in her mind, the guy and the feelings become inseparable. She loves the feelings. Therefore, she falls in love with the guy who can make her feel that way.

Now, it will be totally futile to try to explain to any woman that she doesnít really love guy A. But that she really loves THE WAY guy A makes her feel. She will tell you that you are crazy. But this is the truth.

In a nutshell: Person A loves person B because of the way person B makes person A feel. More precisely, Person B satisfies the deepest VALUES that Person A needs satisfied to believe/know that she is in love with Person B.

Women were "genetically" programmed to be suckers for intense feelings and emotions in order to surrender and mate. The jerks and the hard-to-get guys DO "trigger" those intense, uncontrollable emotions she "genetically" loves. A nice guy does NOT.

Any man who learns how to make her feel the way she was "genetically" programmed to feel, feel, and feel, will have her doing anything and everything he wants.

Remember that men are "doers." Women love feelings. They live to feel, feel, and feel. If you can make her feel the way she wants to feel, she will LINK all those pleasurable, intense feelings with/to you. You will be satisfying her deepest, most treasured values. Then, she will become ADDICTED to you. And you will make her fall in love with you.

The whole debate on women liking nice guys or jerks is pretty interesting. I read some stuff by readers of your site and their opinions on it. I donít have a ton to contribute here about the subject really. I just find it funny. I agree though that most girls esp. young ones go for jerks, or guys who ignore them basically... thrill of the chase, suspense yada yada.

See for a long time I was like... "No way man... Iím not gonna stoop to games and lie or put up fronts that are phony to get laid." And I figured the girls that would go for that anyways would have to be pretty dippy, self-centered, narcissist girls that I wouldnít want or have anything in common with in the long run anyways. Itís funny though because I have found out being an under-confident guy (which I am without shame thank you) and not being a player aka a-hole. You donít get any being a nice guy.

So whatís happened to me now is Iím just bitter, because of the crystallization of the realization and acceptance of this natureís or societyís truth, maybe in my mind now. Which in turn has made me an a-hole in terms of my attitude towards women for their indifference, and the reality of the whole ugly game playing truth.

So I guess what Iím saying is women win in the end. See my problem is Iím only 23 and the women who are serious about liking a guy for the person he is and not for "the chase" are all in their 30ís and older. Oh well... I work full time, go to the gym, and have my books and porn. That should keep me busy for another ten years if I donít go crazy first. Cheerio.

Well here is my two cents worth and itís going to piss off most of the chicks and a lot of wimpy men.

Girls do like jerks, especially the pretty girls (fair or not you fellows know the pretty ones are the ones we want). And these girls can have anyone they want, so they deserve no sympathy when they get treated like dirt. Ladies, please spare me the fecal matter about how you donít know he is a jerk. Guys, if you are a shoulder to cry on for these women you are a bunch of damn fools.

What I really get tired of hearing is that when women get older they become more attracted to nice guys. This is true only if she has gained 100lbs, has finally divorced the jerk, and has a couple of his kids she needs some sucker to help support. Even then she will secretly always want him back. It happens to me constantly, and these chicks can go to hell as far as Iím concerned.

The best seducer I know personally is an alcoholic, ex-convict, pathological liar with a violent temper, who canít hold down a job. Hell, look at how popular Bill Clinton is with women voters. This is why Iím primarily interested in financial success. To hell with these dumb chicks. Let them marry a turd and live in misery. Iím going to have a nice home, car, and retire comfortably.

If youíre nice, she thinks you are a puss, chump and not a real man. Itís always been this way and always will be. Actors, pro athletes, rock stars, and drug dealers are always awash with women, and these guys are known scum.

Well yall the truth hurts, DEAL WITH IT!

I am a 19 year old male who knows the whole situation about nice guys vs. jerks. Nice guys finish last and jerks finish first.

I am a nice and attractive guy who gets no attention from girls. It really pisses me off because guys like me get no chances from most girls. But I manage to stay patient because I know the girl of my dreams will come in the future (hopefully soon). Nowadays most girls like the jerky type of guy who treats them like worthless objects and gives them no respect. It is really pitiful how most girls cannot see the light about jerks. But when it comes to nice guys, most girls see them as just a friend.

Recently I had a friend who was telling me about her relationship with her ex-boyfriend. She told me that her mate was not treating her right and they were not seeing each other. A week later, they were back together again. And this is what makes me want to snap! Why would she get back together with her ex if he was not treating her right? She was looking and talking at someone (me) special who would treat her with nothing but love and respect. But with me being the nice guy, I was given no chance.

To all the nice guys out there, donít give up on hope. At one time, I almost thought that there would be no opportunity of me finding a young lady. But now I think there is a reason that I will find that special lady. One word: Confidence. I am starting to build a little confidence although I have a long way to go. It may get frustrating at times but donít go to the point where you totally lose control of yourself. Hang in there. Good luck is bound to come for you.

This is regarding the Nice guy Jerk controversy. Just want to confirm some of the claims with first-hand experience.

Iím 22, an Aerospace graduate student and considered myself in the past to be a nice guy, and still a nice guy. Recently, Iím working weekends as a bouncer. The truth is I canít keep the women off me. I donít know how many numbers Iím gathering, cause I canít keep track. Why not before when I was a nice-guy and concerned for my female friends?

My reasoning is that the theory of Male Dominance/Machoness or jerkiness is in effect. One girl even spelled it out for me the other night at this club I was working. Her words were something to the effect of: "90% of girls would go out with you because youíre the bouncer, but youíre also really good looking and sweet," or something like this.

Well, now that I think about it, sheís right. I see fat, ugly, bouncers who just got out of jail picking up girls all the time, whereas they wouldnít stand a chance if they werenít bouncers.... why? Because theyíre "tough-guys."

In my case, I am both very polite and considerate (towards women and men, except on a bad day). Seeing this it seems to turn them on. Itís the mixed signal theory where women see that youíre a ítough guyí and a ínice guyí at the same time - the classic Humphrey Bogart thing.

SO the bottom line is: Be tough (or if youíre not, look tough and act tough). This isnít to say become a bouncer, because it is not only dangerous and risky, but also very foolish, and not worth it, unless you have the skill. Even then. Personally, Iím a bit of an adrenaline junkie, so I donít mind.

Another tip - flaunt the things youíre good at or like to do, or your accomplishments. But donít lie, so that upon confrontation, youíre open-jawed. (i.e. Iím a pilot, and I mention this to chicks I date because I love flying and itís a part of me. Itís my only hobby.  And itís something not all do and so is an attention getter.)

Hope this helps. We all have a lot to learn so donít worry, youíll get there if you try. Itís a matter of educating yourself about these things. I believe and Iím far from it, but the íreal Don Juansí (like the movies) have learned many hard lessons and have keenly observed others and the mistakes they make. Itís like Aviation. You donít want to be in the NTSB accident report. You want to read it and learn from otherís mistakes. Good luck!

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