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Use 'The Silent Pause' to Score More Phone Numbers and Dates

by James Smith

I learned this technique in sales and I have been applying it with women with great levels of success. I call it The Silent Pause and it involves staying silent as a woman speaks, after you speak, and until you get a desired response.

It is the silence between what we say that gives it meaning. Use this tool as a powerful force to get what you want.

Do this on the following occasions:

  • When approaching a woman for the first time, comment on her beauty then stay silent.
  • When asking her for her number, ask her for it and then stay silent.
  • When asking her for date, ask her then stay silent.
  • When asking her to come over to your place, ask her then stay silent.

Say nothing after your initial statement and wait for her to respond. Staying silent after you speak motions to her that you expect her to speak and establish a level of communication. Never interrupt her and continue to motion her to continue when she stops. You will know that she finished her thought when she asks you a question.

By staying silent you also put the ball in her court and place the onus on her to respond. If she agrees then you get what you want. If she objects, say nothing but continue looking at her.

If she says no, for example, to you going out in the next two weeks because her dog died, say nothing but continue looking at her. By responding to her objection you confirm in her mind that you agree with it and take the pressure off her. By saying nothing you show her that you do not accept what she says and expect a different response. In most cases she will come up with a different response from her original one.

To give you an example, I was at a nightclub once and I got a number from one girl that I chatted with for a few minutes. When I called her the number was a wrong number. I bumped into her a few months later at the same club and said, "You gave me the wrong number," and paused saying nothing while looking at her. She ended up giving me the right one and we ended up going out for the next two years and three months.

The power of the silent pause is that powerful. As the level of discomfort builds to such an extreme point when nothing is said, then she has to respond differently to take the pressure off the situation.

The other option is for her to walk away. However that option is far worse than giving a different response because by walking away she indicates weakness.

Another reason that this works is that when you stay silent you hear people out. Women especially need to feel understood and are more likely to go with your suggestion when they feel that they are being heard. Staying quiet and not interrupting gives them a sense of assurance that you are listening and care about their views.

Another reason this works is that you come off as mysterious and intriguing by limiting what you say. She will try to figure you out and this will keep her interest levels high.

By listening and staying silent and not countering what they say, I have been able to score more numbers and dates - by staying mysterious, intriguing, and a good listener.

Try it and see how it works. Best of luck!