Can Love The Second Time Around Be Better?
Breaking up isn’t always hard to do - in fact, even lovers who were madly in love tend to recover faster than they thought they would after a breakup.
If you are not sure leaving your lady love behind was the right decision, however, the words "what if?" can be a torment, and you may start thinking about getting back with her.
Almost half of young adults who break up actually do get back with their exes, and across all age groups, around a third of couples that break up reunite. This begs the question - can the second time around actually seal the deal and be the best decision you ever made?
Why Do People Get Back Together?
If you were very close with your ex, then there is a higher chance that you could get back together.
A study by researchers at Kansas State University found that almost half of all couples who reunite do so because they feel their partner has changed for the better or that communication will be better. Other popular reasons include optimism, emotional investment in the relationship, fear of uncertainty and dependence.
If you have been trying to woo your lady back, know that you could definitely be successful; about 15% of couples that break up and reunite stay together. Being realistic about your expectations, working on improving yourself, and reading up on better conflict resolution skills can help to make love the second time around smoother and less conflictive.
Advice On Getting An Ex Back
There is a wealth of advice on winning an ex over once again. Indeed, there are websites and best-selling books dedicated to this topic.
In general, experts advise those who are keen to get back with an ex to set a "no-contact period" (be it a month or longer), to work on yourself during this time, to initiate a conversation with your ex, and to eventually work on rebuilding attraction.
Before making a decision, however, it is important to think about your relationship and analyze the reasons for your breakup.
Is It Love Or Dependence?
If the main reasons for getting back with your ex are fear, insecurity, loneliness or dependence, you may need to work on yourself before getting into any relationship.
Time alone may help you think back on where your relationship went wrong - was it simply a lack of conflict resolution skills, or did the matter go deeper? Did you feel cared for and listened to in your relationship, or were fights and disrespect the order of the day? Were you expecting your ex to be a woman she's not, and if so, if you do get her back, are you willing to accept that the likelihood is that she will not change (since, ultimately, the only person you can change is yourself)?
There are many questions you need to ask yourself before deciding if getting back with an ex is right for you. As best-selling relationships author, Dr. Harriet Lerner states, "You’ve got to get up and leave the table if love is no longer being served."
Almost half of all young couples get back with an ex at some point. Sometimes, the decision to reunite is based on solid, positive reasons such as the intimacy, love and companionship shared by a couple.
Before jumping in, however, you should analyze the reasons why you wish to get back with your ex, only doing so if the main issues that drove the break-up can be worked upon by both of you.