Using the Internet Personals to Meet Women
I recently queried the readers of The Don Juan Newsletter about their experiences using the the internet personals. I was specifically interested in the advice of those who've figured out how to utilize the internet personals to meet vibrant, intelligent, and attractive women. This is what they had to say.
Yes, I used the internet personals and it led to total disaster. First of all, every picture the girl sent me was very dark, and when I met her I found out why. The picture I sent of me was 2 years old and 60 pounds lighter. Needless to say neither one of us was very impressed when we met. So, no matter how honest a person is - there's always the temptation to lie or bend the truth with the computer. It's just not natural and I hate it.
I haven't met people in personals, but I have met people in matchmaking services (who became friends) and pagers like ICQ (which became more than just friends). Well, anyway, here's the story. When I first met someone on the net, I was already considered handsome, charming, and charismatic. I had everything that women want, yet I was still single, and not by choice either.
The first one (Lori), I had (and still have) a thorough knowledge of how she felt and thought. She had a computer problem and I assumed she didn't return my feelings for her. I got into a relationship with someone else (Karen) at that time. Two weeks later, after I had already gotten engaged, I talked to Lori and found out she did return the love. I chose honor (couldn't break the promise of engagement) over love. She moved on and found someone else.
My relationship with Karen, as good as it was, lasted only a month. Karen disappeared around the end of October in 1998. Lori got married in January and later on had a son. After I talked to her in September, I realized that the love was still there, in both our hearts. I continue to love her until this day, even though I can only be her friend, at this time.
I tried to move on a few weeks ago but that relationship failed because I didn't love the person. I am currently trying to woo another woman and try again, though I feel I will always love Lori greatly.
I feel I have learned a few things from this:
1: You can always move on.
2: Be patient when it comes to love.
3. Be careful in long distance/internet relationships.
4. You can only take a chance in love, as there is no sure bet.
When I 1st found them I was very excited with the adult personals AFF, Kinky 1st love, etc. I joined them all for the free version, spent hours searching thru the women sending probably over 250 messages out so far. Only one real girl responded from the G-rated version of AFF, FriendFinder. We had lunch. No sparks. But it was still a positive sign. But that was the only reply.
Every other reply, if at all, was for a pay website. Most of the women, especially the ones with pics, are not looking for a man. They are looking for subscribers. I have been noticing on some of the sites which show the last visit date, some of these girls have not been on the site for over 3 years! The large number of supposed singles in the personals databases really needs to be filtered if they want much more of my attention. Now I tend to find personal web pages a better way of getting a response, just very hard to shop that way.
I have been doing the personals (those that have photos) for almost a year now. Generally my experiences have been bad. I don't get very many replies from letters that I send. It seems like all the women online get so many letters that they don't know how to respond to all of them so they just delete messages based on some pie-in-the-sky criteria, which means they never really read my profile.
I'm a very good looking guy. But the most discouraging thing about the personals is that it seems the letters that I get are from girls that are either not very good looking, or they are overweight, or something like that, which makes me feel like I'm a real loser. I have never received a letter from an attractive girl which tells me that the good looking ones don't have to originate any letters because they get so many in the first place.
I have met some girls that had ok looks in their profile photo ad, then when I saw them they were way less attractive in person.
Every experience I've had with online dating has been negative. After chatting with various women for a period of time, one or the other of us has made a date, only to have it broken, invariably, by the woman at the last minute, or wind up as a no show. Haven't found a woman yet who was truthful in what they wrote on a personals ad. One woman justified her lies by saying "Well, so what? Guys lie too, and I'm just getting back at 'em." Great way to start a relationship, right?
And consider the ad below:
Location: Bedford, Virginia
Seeking: Short-term relationship, Long-term relationship, Activity Partner, Pen-pal, Alternative Lifestyle
Ethnicity: Caucasian (white)
Religion: Christian (all denominations)
Employment: Full time
Profile: Healthy/Slightly overweight
5 ft 7 in
Ad ID: personals-935549662-28978
Description: My definition of a special friend is: a man that is married, between the ages of 35 & 55, a man that is looking for someone that is understanding, caring, trusting, discreet, and playful at times. This is not an invitation for sex. If the chemistry is there, the physical part will follow suit. I am happily married and have no intention of ending it. I would prefer to find someone in the vicinity of Central Va, traveling long distances is not an issue. Only sincere responses will be answered. I take this opportunity very seriously. Thank you.
Hobbies/Interests: Dancing, Dining, Family, Movies, Music, Outdoor Activities, Photography, Sports, Theater, Travel
To begin with, the young lady in question does not live in Bedford, VA. She lives in Lynchburg, VA about 45 minutes away from Bedford. And she's 36, not 33. Even though she said traveling long distances is not an issue, I later found out that it was the MAN who should plan on traveling long distances, since she had no intentions of driving further than 10 minutes from her home. I chatted with the young lady for two weeks on Yahoo Messenger, during which time she asked if I wanted to have cybersex. I talked her through an online orgasm a couple of times, but both times she begged off on reciprocating for various reasons. (I'll send you an email later, hon" - it never materialized). Asked her for her pic several times after sending mine, and finally she sent me one. Her description of "slightly overweight" was inaccurate - she was VERY overweight (270 pounds on a 5 ft. 6 in. frame - she weighs 60 lbs. more than I do, and I'm 6 feet).
At first, she told me her husband had stopped sleeping with her. Then that became, "well, we have sex very occasionally." Which then became, "well, we have sex all the time but I like to fool around also." Two dates were made, both broken by the young lady in question, one at the very last minute. Then she asked for my credit card number to "reserve a motel for us." Yeah, sure. I refused. She pouted, made one more date for 7 p.m. on a Saturday. Then called back and asked if I could change it to 11 a.m. because she had "a friend" she was meeting for dinner while her hubby was out of town. Looked up her phone number (had her last name by now) and guess what, her hubby answered the phone that Saturday morning. Sweet Virginia gal? Not likely.
This experience is very characteristic of all online experiences that I've had. One woman of 35 told me after 2 hours of very innocent chat that she felt guilty about "fooling around" on her husband, and abruptly signed off without a "bye." This same woman had placed an ad saying "I want it. I need it. Now! Very lonely housewife, ignored by hubby, looking for a discreet partner for uninhibited sexual fulfillment."
It all goes to prove that there's no substitute for a one-on-one meeting over coffee or a drink in a public place, where you can look a woman in the eyes and decide for yourself if she's a bullshitter, and show her your smile. I've stopped looking online - the match services are mostly the domain of liars and poorly-concealed escort services.
I tried to meet women online. I tried the Yahoo personals. I ended up meeting a nice girl who lives within about an hours drive of me. We're only pen pals. She said that she didn't want to go on a date with me. That's my fault. I did what's called 'premature disclosure.' I told her so much in my first emails to her that I turned her off. It's hard to judge what to say to somebody when you don't have face to face contact. She doesn't mind getting an email from me, but dating is out.
I rarely use chat rooms. They closer to real life conversing than sending emails back and forth. I guess I could try meeting somebody in a chat room.
I also got a bogus reply in my box once. It was a fake reply from a phone-based ad agency. These guys scan the ads and put bogus replies in all the guys (and girls I'm sure) boxes. They send a picture of a really hot-lookin babe, and you go to make contact, and it says to call some 900 number and leave a voice message. The mailbox was phony and it took me about 5 minutes to figure out how to work the menu (at $4.00 per minute). I found out that other guys got the same reply and got scammed.
Tried using FriendFinder but the girls here are mostly after looks. Can this be a genuine way to meet people?