Let's Just Be Friends
Love the info, and can seriously relate to many of the stories we all share.
I have been fairly fortunate in my love life in the past, but mainly by blind luck. With all of the tips and info though I am truly learning to handle any situation.
Now, I stumbled on something, and I really hope it helps some of you out.
First, some background: She is a stunning 27-year-old with a killer body. Has a masters degree, and works as a teacher. Typical hottie thru college (cheerleader, sorority, very popular), so she has a fairly enlarged ego.
Anyway, I started dating her about a month ago. First date was just meeting for coffee. I kept the conversation light, funny, and basically acted like I didn't care if this worked out or not.
Called for the second date, had lunch, and took her ice skating. We kissed a little, and I could have spent more of the evening with her, but I had another date that evening, so I cute it short. Called several days later asked for the 3rd date.
One day before the date she called to cancel (her child was sick). Ok, tough one to handle, I have a son, so I do understand, but no one likes canceled plans, so in true DJ fashion, I waited for her to make the next move.
She called twice in the next week, and I talked for a few minutes, but she always "wink wink" caught me just as I was on my way to do something incredibly fun.
She finally asked why I hadn't asked her out again... and my reply was "you broke a date with me, it's your turn to make it up." She made plans and picked me up.
I stood at the door of her car and 'cleared my throat,' so she walked around and opened the door. Took me to a nice restaurant, had a bottle of wine waiting, and had a dozen roses delivered to the table for me.
That evening we were getting a little hot in her car, when she asked me to come in. I told her "No, I am not that easy and require way more work!" Which drove her nuts. (Personally, I go for laying long-term groundwork rather than easy scores. I prefer a steady fix.)
Now, a week later I got the infamous LJBF's (Let's just be friends). What she said was she really enjoyed my friendship and wanted to be around me, but just as friends. She felt it was too soon after her divorce to feel so strongly about someone, etc. And her specific question was "Can we be friends?"
Now, here is the tip and the majority of the actual email I sent to her:
"Why would you ask if we could be friends, I thought we were friends!
"I really respect you, and I think you would make a great friend, but if you are asking me to not make any moves on you when I feel so inclined, then the answer is no.
"Now, you may freely turn me down, say "no" whatever, and I will respect your wishes. You may not see the difference between the two scenarios, but I do. So, the ball is back in your court. If you wish to go do something as friends, knowing I may, or may not attempt physical contact with you, that is cool.
"If you don't trust yourself, or don't think you can control yourself, then we will just stay in contact and hope I am still interested when you are ready!"
Guys, the response was immediate.
She called that evening, and I answered "Hello FRIEND!" I kept busting her on the "I sure am glad we are friends!" She asked to come over. I said, "Sure, I always have time for a friend!"
She came over, a glass of wine later, a massage and a little mood music and she was mine.
I hope this offers one very good solution to handling the "let's be friends"! I almost can't wait for the next one to use this on me! LOL
Brian
FFASA@aol.com
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