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Nice Guys and Jerks

Men - Page 2

I've observed this myself, and I think there is a lot of truth to it, especially for younger men and women.

Strangely enough, I think that 'nice guys' can insult a woman on a subconscious level. The reason is that a nice guy will often do his best to not threaten the woman, and make her feel that there is no rush to get intimate. The message, however, is that he is insincere, because most men can't resist a new woman they find attractive.

If she believes he IS sincere, and he really is a NICE guy who doesn't get a hard-on whenever he hears her voice on the phone, it makes her feel less attractive, or that there is no 'chemistry' between them.

Being an honest 'nice guy' who tries to be sensitive, but makes it clear what his intentions are often comes across as needy and begging for sex. Unless the woman already finds the man irresistibly attractive, this approach is a turn-off for women.

A 'jerk' or 'bad boy' approach comes across as more honest because he will openly talk about sex and challenge her to open up and lighten up. If done right, he acts with confidence and makes it clear that, although he finds her attractive, he's not going to crawl to her. This takes pressure off her, but also, because of reverse psychology, makes her want him more.

Of course the jerk approach can be overdone, but most educated sensitive men could stand to be less 'nice' and more 'bad'.

Nice guys usually are easy ones. Women like men that are difficult.

I'm a nice guy, women like us, but after a while, she doesn't want you because there is no challenge anymore. They like the challenge of "getting the guy". They like to talk about you with other women, but you can't talk to her yet, just look, cause if you talk, you can end up being her friend, and that screws up everything.

Now comes another question: "Do women like men that are jerks in society and nice guys at home like men like women that are very elegant in society and a whore in bed?" No, because when you are a jerk in society, you treat your woman like nothing and they don't like it. Either you are a jerk all the time or you should get a woman that likes nice guys.

They like jerks in bed and nice guys the rest of the time.

It's not about nice guys v. jerks, it's about confidence v. no confidence. I know I'm a really really nice guy, and until two years ago, I could never get a woman to look at me twice. It wasn't because I'm not good looking (because I am), it was just that I was "the nice guy" with no self-confidence.

Then about two years ago, I realized, "Hey, you're a good looking guy" and you know what? I'm still a nice guy, just a tad bit more confident (smile), and I am beating the women off with a stick.

True, women tend to be attracted to guys who are jerks, but they'll always stay with the nice guys, that have a little self-confidence, enough so that they see them for "That Really Nice Guy" instead of "oh yeah, he's a nice guy."

This one can be as in-depth or simple as you care to delve into. I'm speaking from my vast experience with the opposite sex (2000+) so it isn't a mere opinion. Women are definitely motivated by challenge when it comes to men - namely the forbidden fruit deal. In 'sexual' circumstances the woman is nearly ALWAYS in control and empowerment is the #1 priority for women in this age because of our former attitudes here in the West.

The Joan Cleavers are gone and thankfully so are the bra-burners, so we're reaching a happy medium and our women folk are at last coming into their own. Only thing is they still aren't fully self-realized and it appears they are still in the 'feeling out stage' of discovering this irresistible power they have over us of the 'weaker sex'. It still continues to amaze me on just how unaware they are about who really is in control of relationships.

Jerks are often exciting and the nice guys are boring and predictable. However, the security the nice guy represents will always win in the end, security being the #1 important thing to women. (Loyalty for men.) These trends will change over time as women become more aware of their personal power and assured of their influence, based on history that is.

I'm in a position that often enables me to see women at their most vulnerable, and therefore honest, and it continues to be a rewarding experience as I discover myself in this journey. I teach and share what I personally most need to learn and at 34 years old I suspect I haven't even scratched the surface with this fascinating sex.

Believe it or not, one of my most powerful influences on human psychology and interpersonal relationships has been former Pres. Ron Reagan! His example of mastering the art of COMMUNICATION - sincerity, humility and genuine interest in his peers has made a remarkable transformation within me. Being a good listener is important of course, however without some character, passion and good instincts to close - it is virtually useless - what are you listening to?

Eventually you'll come to an impasse and all you have is a woman who believes you pay rapt attention to her. OK, now what? If you follow what she is sharing you'll gain her trust - super important - but again that won't make you 'successful'.

As I shared before it may be as simple or in-depth as you wish to explore. The 'jerks' don't come off as desperate and that adds to their seeming self-worth in our counterparts eyes (confidence may be the #1 attractive quality) while the poor unsuspecting 'nice guy' who really does have self-esteem isn't aggressive enough and therefore doesn't project that confidence. Take your pick or choose your own attributes rather.

I honestly think that jerks do have an advantage in terms of getting a girl's attention because nice guys are putting them on a pedestal which shows that they themselves have low self esteem. I've always been told that it's good to show a girl that you want them but not that you need them. I admit as a guy it is turnoff if a girl is trying to make me feel high above her.

Jerks are able to get with a girl but it's a question of whether or not they can stay with them. In my opinion, if a jerk is with a girl already and eventually changes into a nice guy he will stay, but if he remains a jerk he'll have his fun and then lose the girl.

What I'm looking for is how to be someone in between. I don't want to treat a girl like dog meat and at the same time I don't want to worship her like a goddess. I want to learn how to treat a girl as an equal and if you know how please email me back and let me know. Thanks

I have to agree, women like jerks. When I am the attentive, polite, gentleman, expressing sensitivity, women are never interested. When I go against my nature, and act like a jerk, women love it.

Well I consider myself to be a nice guy. My problem stems from the fact that no matter what I do I always end up in the friend zone. Women, very attractive women, give me the "I love you so much" and then the dreaded "we could be brother and sister" comment.

Yet I see them repeatedly with men who do nothing but stomp on them. Then they come back and cry on my shoulder. Why is it that a women will take me (which I think is exactly what they are looking for) and then tell me "I would be with you but I don't want to destroy our friendship". Now this is totally without prompt.

They say these things out of nowhere. And when I ask them, "Sounds like you've put some thought into this," they give me the "Yeah I think about it all the time." My thing is this... Why is it that they can be with men who will destroy them emotionally with no response, but cannot see what is staring them right in the face? And in your opinion will this dog ever get his day?

A male mentions here the ads by "Women Seeking Men" which ask for a "sometimes silly," half-crazy," or "occasionally foolish" guy who's "a bit of a jerk" (actually).

Why? Could it be because the women seem to value or ask for "humor" more than "good character," "polite manners," of a "considerate gentleman" or a "nice guy?"

Also, could it be because the "occasionally jerky" behavior shows that the males are inferior to themselves? The ladies can then feel superior, rather than subservient to, intimidated by and less powerful than males, as conditioned by our society, whenever males act like humorous (inferior) buffoons before these self-anointed "special" princesses expecting to be indulged at free dinners by jester jerks.

I think that women are not attracted to "nice guys" because the nice guys are willing to do anything for that person before the relationship is started. Girls like nice guys but they need someone who is confident and knows what he is doing. Most women do not want a nice guy that will do anything they want automatically. They want to earn it, like playing a game and getting points.

Another thing is how "nice guys" and " jerks" portray themselves when liking someone. Nice guys tend to pamper the woman and, well.........you know, be nice. Jerks tend to play hard to get. Doing this makes the girls believe that there is something good about this guy because he isn't going dog crazy over her. That makes them want him more because people tend to want what they can't have.

I personally believe that there is a happy medium. I used to be one of those "nice guys" and whenever I liked a girl, I would become her friend, not boyfriend. So then I tried the jerk routine, but the relationships lasted only a couple of weeks. So I decided to play hard to get and then when the relationship is started, I begin the nice guy routine with the flowers and candy. So far it has worked because I have met this wonderful girl named Candice and the relationship has lasted 19 months so far. We are deeply in love and we are planning to get married.

So to all those "nice guys", take my advice. Who knows? It might work for you.

I am a 29-year-old male and I believe wholeheartedly that jerks are at the top of the food chain when it comes to women. I was a nice guy for years and always got the shaft by the women I was pursuing. About four years ago I wised up and did a complete 180 in my attitude. Now I enjoy myself with a couple of women who won't leave me alone, while at the same time having a great time meeting several other women who DO NOT want to be just my friend.

It would seem that women have a Florence Nightingale gene. They seem more attracted to a jerk because they feel they can change him. This would give them a sense of accomplishment, of need. They could point to him and say "Look! See how I've changed him from a jerk to a really nice guy."

If you're too nice they don't respect you. They ass-ume that you have no backbone and won't be able to defend yourself let alone them. As much as women of the '90's consider themselves, well women of the '90's, they still cling to ancient ideals of what is attractive. Strength is good, but the term is fuzzy. Is it physical, mental, spiritual, emotional or financial strength that is so appealing? And if you believed yourself to have all of these, what need would you have to seek it out in others?

One could reason that some women lack the above mentioned strengths and confuse it with the jerk behavior of some guys.

I choose to be a good guy. I am nice until it's time not to be nice.

Any woman that prefers jerks to nice guys is not serious about any kind of profound relationship. -- 70 yr old male

I believe that most women enjoy dating jerks for the thrill. How else can you explain women like Carmen Elektra marrying Dennis Rodman or Pamela Lee marrying Tommy Lee. These women are among the most beautiful in the world who could have any guy who would give them the world and yet they choose these jerks.

I can't believe how many times guys that have girlfriends cheat on them with other girls who know that they are already attached. It's gotten to the point where I now say that I have a girlfriend just because it seems to appeal more to women.

Hey I don't get it either: but I've seen it too many times not to believe it. For some reason if you're nice, decent, chivalrous, etc... you're in second place to the jerk. Maybe it's what mom wouldn't like that turns women on?

Chivalry isn't dead. (He's sitting there shaking his head dumbfounded.) But nice guys will always keep trying.

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