Nice Guys and Jerks
Men - Page 9
I dated a girl right out of high school who had just broken up with a jerk. She used to have this guy's name written on her backpack, adjoined with her name by a heart.
I didn't know her while in school, but her friend was going out with my friend at the time, and we started dating ourselves. Anyway, she fell for me pretty hard, and said to me one day something I have continued to at least try to live by.
"You know what the good thing is about you?" she said to me, "You don't take any shit, but you don't give any either."
That's the whole point of it. If something smells fishy or appears manipulative, put a stop to it. However, don't give her any of that smelly stuff in return. As it was, it eventually fizzled, but I've taken that to heart, while trying to learn the rest by just traversing life.
I don't like girls that are too nice. I like someone who is basically a good person but has flashes of evil that keep me interested. Noone wants to watch the Weather Channel all day but porn 24/7 gets old too. It's kinda like how even nice little shows like Sesame Street had characters like Oscar the Grouch in them to shake things up a little.
I also agree with a comment made by someone else on this site that women dig jerks because it gives them something to bitch about. (And we all can agree with that.) If they don't have something to talk about, which by the way is usually their relationship with their significant other, then they have no reason to live.
I am just going to be me. Basically I'm a good-hearted guy, but sometimes I let the sex-crazed animal out. Usually I get more action when I choose the later. Then once I get them I treat them really good until they start to loose interest, then I start being a jerk and they like me again.
Friends, no one said that women are rational. I think it was Merlin from Camelot that reminds us not to worry if we don't know what a woman is thinking. She doesn't do it that often. Here's my tip which may sound counterintuitive: Women thrive on neglect. This is why jerks score and us nice guys stay home rearranging the sock drawer. They understand the anima, or female psyche.
Once you have gotten the little ladies attention, it is necessary to get her to think about you. You do this by acting as though you have a life beyond her and not gaffaw all over her just because she has a pair of Mcguffys. Take it slow, let her know that you are interested but make her pursue you, you Alpha male you. It's all a part of the courtship dance. Go out with the guys some time when she wants to go out with you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and she will be asking you for the next date I guarantee.
Mothers tell their daughters to try to find a nice, sensitive, caring guy who will listen to them but daughters tell their mom's that they already have a girlfriend. What they want is someone to add some excitement in their lives. The feministas have sold us a load of moose pie. Instead, let her know that you are not some pansy, save the whales, Birkenstock wearing, Mr. sensitivity kind of guy. But the leader in this relationship. Even the most liberal women go gaga in private for a guy who is in touch with his hairy self.
I think that women like a little space in a relationship and like to see that you are still one of the guys. Of course you don't want to take this to an extreme. Simply let her know that you are a man's man while also showing her that you can be a romantic too by sending her flowers or such at work. Showing her that you also know how to treat her like a lady will make her day and steal her heart.
Nice guys always come in last compared to jerks. Okay fair enough. We nice guys can't make women love us. They can choose. And women are unable (or unwilling) to pierce through that layer of attitude to see the guy/man who is really beneath it. So be it.
But what really bites is the fact that by the time the women get to about 34-35, and their biological clock is ticking away, all of a sudden they change their preferences and now they want a nice guy. That guy is now good enough to be their husband and to be a father to their children. Worse is if the woman has children from a jerk and seeks a provider for her and her children.
For 15-20 years they have been shagging jerks and assholes and when they are halfway in their thirties they want a nice guy. Come on! At least stay honest with yourself. It is so very weak to all of a sudden turn to the guys you never wanted when you were young. And besides, shy men are not stupid. We have our pride.
And we will say to you: "Where were you when you were young? You didn't want us then. And now all of a sudden you want us? Why do you think we even care?"
This sounds bitter? You bet. Women have no idea how life is without love, but you get used to it. It's not like food, water or oxygen. You can survive. It doesn't make life nice, but it won't kill you either. I'm not that far yet, but I know men who have gone on strike relationwise, and have given up on women altogether. They're still straight, but just can't be bothered anymore. And I can understand them, I really can.
I'm a DJ working in a popular bar situated in New Zealand, and I've always been a nice guy. I don't mind talking with girls about their boyfriends, if I respect that girl. I don't care about missing out on a girl, because if she can't see a guy for who he is, who needs her?
I believe in treating women with respect, but some women don't deserve respect because they're too full of the "all men are bastards and rapists" ideas of the feminists. Many are convinced that all we think about is what's in their pants, and that gives women a great feeling of superiority.
I get a lot of women after me because of my job, which is BS because it's just one of my jobs, and many of them don't even try to get to know me. They just want a status score. I study I.T. too, and that's my real passion, but you can't tell that to many of them. That's too nice and predictable.
I agree with the notion that confident men get more women. It comes down to supply and demand: if you go about your life with focus and dignity, women perceive you as a resource of scarce supply, and the demand for your time goes up. Conversely, if you spend your time thinking about your lack of female companionship, this affects your behavior with women, and they pick up on that immediately.
You could be the world's best lover, but they won't care to find out.
I am a 26 year old...totally considered the nice guy. No matter how preconceived this definition is, it's always the same with women. Usually it means that we're easy, honest, predictable, and wouldn't do anything "exciting".
Well, my experiences dating have proven that it isn't whether you're a jerk or a nice guy per say. It's a matter of respecting yourself and having confidence in who you are. Now given the benefit of the doubt any nice guy will shine if given a chance -- trust me guys.
You will always run into bitter and cynical people who base your worthiness off of how many, and not the quality. I've been with a handful of women in my day but they were never short adventures. If you're a crazy, funny, goofy, nice guy -- women like that, it shows you're not afraid to be you and it comes off sincere.
Sometimes I think if you're too nice women consider you too unreal...or too good to be true. If you find yourself in the situation with a woman you like where you have to play the "ignore" game to get her to respond -- that's up to you.
I recently had to play the "ignore" game...and it worked, she responded. It's all a game in the beginning because generally, both women and men are insecure about who they are.
I don't think the problem is confidence at all. When I started dating I unwisely believed my mother about the nature of women. I was very confident that women would respond to kindness and respect. I don't have to tell you how that worked out.
Women are seduced by jerks physically for sure. It is largely about sex. All the things women say jerks do wrong have no meaning to a jerk. He could have sex with her best friend in her mother's house and be forgiven. But the smallest thing you do will annoy her.
It seems like they get off on being bullied or dominated. It seems masculine and sexy but the reality is all too well known. A relationship of abuse, cheating, being discarded, but good sex. It is sickening.
Take Note: a women who has dated jerks in the past will NEVER have mutual respect and intimacy with a nice guy. She may claim "I was young" but she is the same person. I could be wrong but how she treats you is the final word. She may believe that she "should" be with a nice guy and even try. Failure will be indicated by mental abuse, verbal abuse and cheating. It is the sad truth that a jerk's sex appeal will be more powerful than anything else and you will end up raising a jerk's children.
She will nag you night and day. She will never show respect for you (watch how she behaves towards you around other women who know she's cheating). About sex - she's saving herself for someone else but you should get a laugh from the excuses. Don't waste your time. These women are in their own cycle of Karma and they desire it. How's that for being a jerk?
You don't have to be a BAD BOY!
This has been exhausted to the infinite but here is my take on the nice guy versus bad boy situation. So many times you hear guys talk about being a pimp or a player or even a Don Juan. That's cool but the biggest problems have the simplest solutions and my solution is this. Just be a STRONG MAN!
The women, when faced with the Nice Guy or the Bad Boy, will instinctively respond to the latter. And no, its not because they like emotional (or physical) abuse and are looking for someone to be (or take the place of) their Daddy. So-called Bad Boys are sometimes just as insecure as the Nice Guy or Wimp but those insecurities are not usually apparent on the surface.
They just present the male strength qualities that women NEED (even if they aren't aware of it), such as "Confidence, Control, and Challenge" (credit: Doc Love). So women rationalize their choosing of said Bad Boy by thinking they can "modify" all the kinks that they don't like (i.e. disrespect, cheating) and once they do, they will then have the perfect man.
It's better to start with something (male strength qualities) and work out the kinks, then to start with nothing (Mr. Nice Guy) and build from there.
So my answer to everyone sitting the fence on this subject is to project the qualities of a Strong Man. A man who trying to make something (positive) of his life. A man who has priorities. One who knows that a woman would be lucky to have him (and he will not take BS from her by being able to walk away). And once they do, know that she isn't his end-all to be all (because he has other priorities). And most of all projects male strength qualities without being so insecure that he has to disrespect others and he actually possesses a conscience.
The rest you can elaborate on your own. But a Strong Man, in the end, will always win!
My last dating adventure began and ended as several others have several times before. Once you are in the 30's range most women you meet are either divorced or recently single and looking for a change from the routine — THE JERK!
I meet them and everything goes fine. The romance is there, no pressure from either side and to be quite honest, it's a great relationship in the making. Until the Jerk "ex" decides that he doesn't want her to be happy if it's not catering to him. He usually starts harassing her and making threats, won't stop making her life a nightmare until she gives him 5 minutes alone to beg her for another pathetic "I promise things will be different!"
Well this last one actually called to apologize to me because she was going to go back with the jerk (in her words). I asked if she could just answer one question and I would leave it at that. I asked her if it was because she knew I would be more likely to let her go and just remember the good time that we had together? And also because she gave into the torture tactic followed by the pathetic BS promise he made that might last as much as two weeks at best? She said that she hadn't realized it until I pointed it out, but that was exactly right.
My advice to me would have to suggest being a jerk and quit respecting women...but I can't and won't turn my back on what I think is right. I would rather be single and have several good beginning relationships rather than have one long miserable nightmare for the rest of my days.
Even nice guys get tired of it eventually!
This has been commented on several times and this is what it comes down to: Confidence and Attitude.
Women like someone that's in control and knows what's going on, someone they can look to for security. Not only that, but they want this person to have the *reputation* of being such. In short, they are looking for a MAN.
Nice guys usually don't display these traits. They usually seem weak and fragile and pushovers. That ain't someone that's gonna take control and keep their woman safe.
From my experience, this is what you have to do: 1) stay "nice" (read: polite) and 2) learn to have confidence in yourself, your ideas, your life. When you do things -- especially socially -- don't act like you need permission to do them. Act like it's what you normally do, what everyone normally does.
The jerk displays this confidence, but usually forgets to throw in the politeness part of the deal. And yet they still get the women! This can be insanely frustrating for normal guys like us. But we don't have to stoop that low. Realize that if you show confidence and manners and the ladies still go for the jerks, that means they are immature and to be avoided at all costs.
I've been thinking lately, it's actually very unfair. The nice guys usually have better jobs, better friends, etc. Why? The nice guys, unlike the jerks, are generally ready to let everything go to hell at the slightest gesture from "The one". I didn't even notice this while I was a nice guy myself, but now that I've moved closer to "the dark side", my nice guy friends annoy the crap out of me when they cancel appointments because of some girl's bitchy behavior.
You're all forgetting that the jerk being with his friends instead of the girlfriend means He is with his friends instead of the girlfriend! The jerk is by far a better friend than the nice guy. Still, most people will prefer to be friends with the nice guy. Do you see jerks complaining about this?
Anyway, it's really not that hard for a nice guy to get over his general laziness and actually put some effort. Being a nice guy is not even the real obstacle here. The core is in the arrogant, lazy and victimized attitude. Does this ring a bell: "Ohhh, I wouldn't ever do THAT... that feels so wrong... girls aren't attracted to THAT.... oh, are they?...that's so depressing." As far as I'm concerned, everyone thinking this way deserves to die a virgin.