Nice Guys and Jerks
Men - Page 5
I am the nice guy. Girls have turned me down with the excuse that I am too nice. Then I got to know this one girl. I liked her, and was very attracted to her. She at first wouldn't give me a chance, she just wanted to be friends. Then she fell in love with how being with me made her feel. Then she fell in love with me.
Now I look back on the girls who told me I was too nice and they seem less than me. Today I wouldn't give them the time of day. So to all the "nice guys" out there take a look at the girls you want and then ask yourself if this girl deserves you.
The way I've been able to perceive it, a major, if not only, reason why women prefer jerks to nice guys is because the jerks, in all their smug superiority, display more confidence than nice guys, who actually worry about what impression they make.
Also, the nice guy's attention sometimes makes a woman feel better about herself to the point of starting to wonder whether she could do a lot better than this particular nice guy. The jerk, however, may do something close to the opposite, and convince the poor girl that he's the best she can get.
Of course, the solution is not to become a jerk, but to do a little self-improving to make yourself the attractive nice guy, as opposed to the just nice guy. Men aren't the only one who think with their hormones.
Just thought I'd let my opinion be heard on this nice guys versus jerks debate. I'm 18 and I think I've got it figured out. Girls don't go for jerks because they like jerks, they go for jerks because they're confident in themselves. It's CONFIDENCE that attracts them like flies. That and a little unpredictability, a little excitement.
I think the proper approach is be an unpredictable, exciting, confident nice guy. It gives them what they want, you get to be yourself and not an asshole, and you could actually develop a real relationship. I was a notorious strike-out with women until I got my first girlfriend. That gave me a big dose of confidence and guess what? Now all of a sudden the ladies can't keep their eyes (and hands) off me.
Guys, here's my advice. Do something to increase your confidence. Snowboard, drag race (on a strip, please), climb a mountain, skydive, anything. I recommend drag racing in particular. Yeah, it's unbelievably expensive, but if you can afford it, it is a great confidence builder, you get to drive an awesome car as part of the deal, and there's just sort of a "bad boy" image that goes with drag racers. It helps with attracting women, and it helps you get in with the guys you want to hang out with too. This is experience talking here.
I'm a 21 year old male and I consider myself the "nice guy." And so do many of the women who rejected me. Yet what they don't understand is that I've hung around the "jerks." Heck my best friend was a "jerk," so I've done the crazy and wild things with them. But the women never really gave me the chance to find out the real me.
Nice guys can be outgoing, wild, and spontaneous, but we are rarely given the chance. Nice guys want to make sure we do absolutely nothing to offend, or hurt women. That's why some of us seem boring. (Now don't get me wrong. This doesn't go for all nice guys. Some really are not very interesting.)
Now I don't want every woman to give every man a chance, but don't dismiss the guy you always enjoy talking to but never really thought about. All I have ever asked from a woman is to give me a shot and if they really believe that I'm not their type then no problem.
And remember ladies a relationship involves two people. If you decide to give him a chance, give him a real chance. Don't shoot him down before he even picks you up. When a man sees that "I wish I were somewhere else" look before he even gets the conversation going then the guy will feel like crap and it will make it ten times harder for him. That's what my opinion on the nice guy vs. jerks issue is.
My comments today are motivated by the last "Tip of the Day" referring to meeting women as a game. In my opinion, thinking of dating as a game may be beneficial in the short run by boosting confidence. But what about the long term effects?
If women are looking for long term potential when evaluating a man, the hidden game attitude may give her an immediate impression of mate potential. When she soon learns the real intentions behind the rouse, she will be disinterested and consider him a jerk.
On the other hand, if a man is so nice that he is boring, she will be disinterested right off the bat.
I recently met a good woman at work. We played silly games of attraction after first meeting and things seemed to be going well. I acted like a jerk when she was feeling sassy and sensitive when she was vulnerable. After a while, I allowed more of my nice qualities to emerge, she soon lost interest and started dating a younger man with more spunk, so to speak.
I believe women are looking for both a jerk and nice guy moderately wrapped into one package. The trick is knowing when to be a jerk and when to be a nice guy by the way she is feeling at any given point in time.
Like most men, I'm a firm believer, through experience, that attractive women often end up with what I would call a jerk. I've even pretended to be a jerk and won-over a woman who previously blew me off when I was 'just being me'.
But every time I've brought this concept up with my wife, she considered it and eventually rejected it. Finally, one night while I was explaining why a friend of mine might be having troubles with his marriage, I said "You know, Ken is such a nice guy, but he lets women walk all over him. I'll bet he's never grabbed [his wife], ripped her clothes off and banged the hell out of her for four hours. Sometimes, I think women like being treated like whores."
My wife stared at me with wide eyes and said "That's it! It's not that women don't like nice guys, it's that we want to be treated like sluts in bed... every once in a while. We probably subconsciously know that nice guys probably won't do this."
I think she has something there.
Personally, I think it's instinctive.
Human emotions didn't develop in the modern world, they developed tens of thousands, or hundreds of thousands of years ago. If you consider what the world was like then, it is easy to see a survival advantage in women being attracted to the type of man who would now be considered a jerk.
Lets face it, the same guy who was most likely to beat his woman into submission was also most likely to successfully fight off the local cave bear...who would have done much worse things to her than beat her up.
I find it very depressing, and like so many others I have been able to improve my success with women by putting on a convincing jerk act.
My advice to women who have particularly bad luck in their choices of men is: If you're attracted to a man, run like hell...find one you're NOT attracted to, because you're probably attracted to exactly what you're getting...
Hello, I am a black male, from the hood. I just stumbled on to this site and my thoughts on the subject. It's all how you play them out, and you don't have to be a jerk either.
This jerk tactic sounds more like the street tactics of what we call playing them out. You just treat them like they ain't no thang. Be nice, but not obsessed. Don't give them your full attention.
Kinda like, if you met your favorite female movie star. You be obsessed with being around her, wouldn't you? For some they even stalk the star, like a crazed fan. But what would they, (the star) think about it. They be scared, of you. But, if you would like to make an impression, on that star. Or use a play out tactic, you would act like, well she's good but I have seen better.
Or as my friends would do, even say they don't like her work. Then she would feel humbled, that someone don't like her. And she needs that attention. Same with the everyday woman! Don't need to be no, jerk, JUST DON'T TRY SO HARD!!!
I even made up something that works. You go into a bar. See a woman you like, and every woman, BUT that woman, you give attention to. She will notice that lack of attention, like the sun in the sky, and will most likely come over to find out why.
Women if you're listening, it works on men, too. Cause it's all about if you don't want them they want you.
To all the nice guys that get treated like the girl's friend, turn the tables, men, turn the tables... talk about the WOMEN YOU LIKE to them. They must become YOUR friends, not the other way around. This must become absolute in your life!
You will leave them thinking they are after you. I won't tell you what that will change, but you will see. Be strong.
The apparent female preference for jerks is easy to explain if one is familiar with the phylogenetic development of humans. What this means in simplistic terms is that evolution has favored those genetic behavioral traits in both genders that best assure survival of the species. Here are a few thoughts based on the results of well conducted studies by respected researchers:
For the best chance of successfully raising children the female will favor a male that (1) is dominant over other males, (2) is successful in handling his resources, (3) likes children, (4) is approved by the female's family.
A classic dominant alpha male will be physically big, well over 6-feet tall and have an attitude. Success in managing resources will be demonstrated by his position as CEO of a corporation, but if he isn't a CEO he fakes it by wearing a Rolex, dressing sharply, and/or driving a Mercedes Benz. Numbers (3) and (4) are typical of "nice" guys, but women often get hung up on numbers (1) and (2), and don't make it to (3) and (4) until they get older and smarten up.
Until later years I had always been a nice guy. A good friend of mine who underneath was also a nice guy had mastered the art of playing the jerk for the purpose of scoring regularly. He gave me the following piece of advice that has proven true.
"Compliment the un-attractive ones because they aren't used to it and it will build their egos and make them feel good. They will love you for it. Conversely, snub, insult, or worse yet ignore the very attractive ones because they aren't accustomed to it and their well-entrenched self confidence will be shaken, driving them to pursue you. They will feel that only by scoring with you can their self confidence be restored."
Over the years I have watched this master use these principles time after time, and with few exceptions they have always worked.
Let's just get things straight. It's really true jerks do succeed more in relationships than the nice guys. Jerks know the rum and coke theory. Coke being the good and the rum being the evil. Mix them both together and you have a perfect balance.
Nice guys go in sweet and nice, and in the end they get shot down because they stay nice. A jerk plays the game of mixed messages. The jerk makes the girl feel like a doll one minute, the next dull. That makes a girl question herself - "Am I good enough? Does he like me? What can I do to make him happy?" Then that's when the girl begins her impossible quest! The jerk now has the upper hand.
If a girl dates a nice guy the stories suck. There's no intrigue, or mystery for them to tell their girl pals. With a jerk they always have something to bitch about, and we all know girls love doing that! Jerks are like pms. One emotional crisis after another. That's why they both rule over the girl.
But...once a girl has a kid that's when the nice guys win and basically the only time. Girls for some reason see the light after they pop a child out. Who knows? So us jerks in the end will succeed. And the nice guys will be burned forever. It's sad but true.