Learn the Secrets of Meeting, Dating and Attracting Women!

Nice Guys and Jerks

Men - Page 6

Ever wonder why women are attracted to "bad boys" and not "nice guys"? The answer lies in our evolutionary history.

Throughout what evolutionary psychologists call the Environment of Evolution Adaptedness (EEA), females had the most reproductive success with those males that could physically defend them. Thus females came to prefer those males that were physically strong (meaning they could overcome an enemy physically) and those males that were socially strong (meaning they could overcome an enemy by marshalling the support of their allies).

Today the same tendency exists in women. Women want a man who, if needed, can defend her. But one very significant difference between then and now, however, is that then the male would almost certainly be forced to prove his physical strength, whereas today the probability is that the male will never be forced to physically defend the female.

What this means for us guys in the year 2000 is that instead of showing our potential woman that we are tough by the way we fight, we show her that we are tough by the way we TALK about the way we fight.

The bottom line for us is, we must show strength. A concrete way of doing this is by during your FIRST date with your would-be lady, utter a certain five words. These five words may not seem much to you, but they will trigger a sea change in your would-be lady with respect to her feelings for you.

The five words are, said sincerely: "I'm Not Afraid of Anything."

Find a good occasion to say them. I bring up the subject of movies, then turn it to horror movies and ask her about her favorites. Inevitably she'll ask whether I was scared by such and such a movie, and...BINGO! There's the opportunity.

Capture your would-be lady by showing you're a man who will satisfy her foremost need: to be protected.

I am a guy whom has always been referred to as a nice guy. I recently got dumped by my girlfriend of 5 months for a jerk who is notorious for treating girls like crap and cheating on them. I have been told by many girls that I am better looking than this other guy, and even my ex-girlfriend told me that I was the perfect boyfriend, and that we were perfect for each other... in her little speech while she was breaking up with me. I have only one explanation as to why women choose the jerk over the nice guy: Women are just plain stupid!

Ok now I'm going to express my opinion taken from a girl but delivered by a guy.

Women love the jerk guys because of one thing — DRAMA! Women feel that they can be the one person to change the "badboy." But the "badboy" never changes, only on his own, if he wants to. Women love the tear covered pillows, and time waiting for him to call. But between the ages of 20-30 is when the women understand that all that "drama" is just a major pain in the ass. And they start dating that "nice guy". But the teenage girls don't get it yet. They'll pick the nice guy for a friend but the jerk for a boyfriend.

Guys don't give up! Just be nice but make her want you by playing hard-to-get, and by not seeming to be too anxious to be with her. Just my opinion and hope it helps.

My opinion on this (as a male) is that the "nice guy" vs. "jerk" is a complete red herring. The point is not good vs. bad manners, or kindness vs. emotional cruelty, or loyalty vs. rebellion, or any of that stuff. The point is about not being too needy. It is possible to be the sweetest, kindest, goodest, nicest guy in the world, and yet still be a challenge. As the DJ site says, it's all about challenge.

A woman wants the best man on the "slime to demi-god scale" that she can find. Her most basic cue to where a man fits on this scale, and how good a chance she has of doing better, is simply how desperate, needy etc. he is. That is to say, how popular/unpopular (or at least apparently so) he is with other women.

And how does she appraise this? Well, if he comes on like a love-sick puppy, then he is desperate. If he is a challenge, then he looks like he has other options, i.e., he must be further up the ladder. The love-sick puppy is a push-over, obviously she can have him, and thus can probably do better. The challenge is a potential mate, but there is doubt, maybe he is the best she can do. You can be very very very nice to a woman indeed, so long as it seems to her that you are doing this not to win her over, but, well, because you are a nice guy!

How do I know this is true? Because I have several times "stolen" a girl from a jerk by being truly affectionate and "nice" (but not needy - it was like I was just being kind to her, not not not like I was doing it because I was crazy about her!). They all craved affection. When they received a truly warm, open, direct, flooding smile, they all melted.

I spent most of my years wondering, the same as a good number of nice guys out there. Why couldn't I get a girlfriend? What was it that made me not "sexy" or "appealing" I always had to ask myself. I had many other issues because I let so many people take advantage of me and my kindness. I became severely depressed for a while.

What it comes down to is this: Women want many things in a man. Most of these differ from person to person, but some always remain constant in purpose while not in quantity. They want many things that a man wants.

The first is to know that they don't have to take care of the man. That the man has the ability to take care of himself. A man wants this as well. I can't tell you how many men I hear complain every day that their girlfriend or wife is always whining and worried and has no self esteem. I've experienced this many times myself.

Along with this comes a sense of self confidence. It is important to the woman to know that she is on equal ground with you. She needs to know she can rely on you to make decisions, but also take responsibility for those decisions. Truth be known, in a lot of cases, it ends up being the man making a lot of decisions, but don't take that to mean they want dominance. I got slapped in the face on that one.

They want to be worshipped as much as many guys do. And nice guys, don't kid yourself. Many nice guys want to pleasure a woman in life and in bed, but they also want something out of it. Many want them to stay with them or provide them with sex or both. Women want the same thing, but not at the cost of the person they are with. They want someone who will treat them the way they want to be treated without doing so at the cost of himself.

When looking for a woman, look at what you want. That is most definitely (too some degree) what they want. Be confident. Be sweet but stand up for yourself. Just as men do, women have their own tests that they apply to every guy. When you make a bad decision, accept it. Don't LET the woman make all the decisions, make some yourself, but don't dominate her. The problem is finding out how to do each of these in moderation. Particularly when dealing with much younger or older women. Younger women (under 16-18) have a tendency to feel like they should be dominated. Older women (45+) have a tendency to feel like they should be worshipped. We're in a strange time now because women are becoming equals and they have mixed views of what that entails. They are learning, just as men are, what equality means.

Regarding the nice guys vs. jerks topic..... If a woman wants to be treated crappy, and doesn't appreciate someone who has class, manners, and knows how to carry himself, etc.... Why would I want to be with her?

I consider myself a nice guy, but I am dating two women at the same time. I really don't have enough time on the weekends for the both of them. And I can still get more dates if I want to. Just like in sales a deal takes on less importance if you have more potential deals in the pipeline. A person is more desperate if there are fewer options for them. Develop the options.

Date more than one woman at a time. If you go out with more than one women at a time then they each take on less importance. You won't be worried or concerned about being a nice guy. Date more than one woman at a time until you are ready to commit. The operative word is YOU.

Not every woman is relationship potential. After dating several women I have found this out. This may sound harsh but I am much happier dating two rather than one. If I had more time I'd date three. When one acts weird I have the other one. And vice versa. Every women is different and when you date enough of them you will realize that you don't want to treat each one the same.

Some you don't want to treat with as much respect because they don't respect themselves. Some have major issues. Some are only good for one thing, and some not even for that. One you may be available for more often than the other, and if one speaks to you more than twice a week then that's a lot. It depends on the woman and the relationship you have with them.

Who says that the woman actually deserves you. You know who you are, they don't. I have seen it happen several times with friends and family when women forgo the nice guy who is steady and stable and opt for a guy who treats them badly. It normally ends in the women reaching her older years alone, unhappy, and sometimes physically abused. I even know of an instance where the woman was killed by the "bad-guy."

Give your nice tendencies to someone who will appreciate it. I have found that mostly it is older women, but there are some younger women who are mature. There are plenty of older women who look just as good as younger women. You've seen them. You think they are in their early 20's until they reveal their age.

Also keep in mind that many women don't want a serious relationship, or a commitment. How can you tell? Why do you think that women go out with married men and make passes at men who they know are married. Or how about women who later in the relationship find out that the man they are messing with is married, and then they say "I just can't stop seeing him because I love him."

I know that if I found out that someone I was in love with lied to me for the duration of our relationship I'd fall out of love. And probably very quickly. And besides, if a person is not around much how can you not think they are seeing someone else. No one works that much. Not in my book.

The women may have even been in a marriage that didn't work and doesn't want a serious relationship yet. The point I feel is important is to only commit to the person who you've gone out with for a while and feel comfortable with. Not with the first woman you date coming out of a cold spell. Let them earn your heart just as they want you to earn theirs. I say this because a quick commitment is cliche - ish of being nice.

How do I know what I am talking about? I know because I was the typical shy guy. I was the guy who didn't go to my HS prom. I didn't get dates. I was an A student. Good in math. Low self esteem - until I entered sales several years ago and learned. Life is like selling. The important lesson I learned is that it is the nice guy who wins the sale. The nice guy is the person who people can trust. It's the nice guy who the boss comes to and says "would you like a raise?" It's the nice guy who women feel comfortable with. Be nice. Nice meaning courteous, respectful, and considerate. But don't let people walk all over you. Know when to put your foot down.

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